“Seriously, what are you doing out here?” I wrap my arms around my body. It’s been hot during the day, but at night, out here on the water, it’s chillier than I expected.
“Thinking.”
“You sure you’re not brooding?”
He smirks. “I don’t brood.”
“Pining? Sulking? Counting dolphins?” It’s always been easy for me to talk to Knox. With most people I feel self-conscious, awkward. I put on a bubbly smile, play the happy-go-lucky girl-next-door, but with Knox there’s never been an act. He’s alwayshad a way of putting me at ease, making me comfortable, relaxed, able to banter like I do with no one else but Meggie.
He glances at me, barely a flick of the eyes. “There’re no dolphins.”
“Well, maybe if you look hard enough, you’ll see a topless mermaid.”
Knox chuckles—just enough to make my chest ache.
Silence stretches between us, but it’s not heavy. Not uncomfortable. Just… there. I lean against the railing next to him, and he joins me. I breathe a little easier once his feet are on the ground.
“So,” he says, nudging me with his shoulder, “are you gonna tell Declan we dated?”
I pull my cardigan a little tighter around my body. “Maybe you and I should talk about it first.”
He raises an eyebrow. “We’ve talked about it.”
“Have we, though? I feel like we just… stopped. And then decided we were cool again when you started helping Meggie. Which, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we’re cool and grateful for the way you took care of her. But also, I think I deserve the What Went Wrong Post-mortem. For closure. Or gossip.”
We only dated for six months junior year of high school. It was right before I met Meggie. Years before she designated as an omega.
Knox and I started to drift apart once he designated. Yeah, back then, I still hoped I’d end up an omega, but I was responsible enough to know I shouldn’t let myself get too attached to an unbonded alpha. Maybe he felt the same, because he started to pull away too. Then he stood me up at prom, and I couldn’t look past that hurt. Standing there in my sparkly dress and curled hair, and he never showed.
After that, I had a recurring dream about perfuming, and Knox losing his shit over my scent, biting me right then and there. But I knew it was nothing more than a fantasy.
That seems like a long time ago now, but also like just yesterday. I never stopped wondering what happened to us, why he pulled away. If it was really the alpha thing or if it was something more.
Was it because I wasn’t as social as him? Or that I tend to panic and need so much reassurance? Was I too positive? Too negative? Was it the way I talked or walked or dressed? Was I not funny enough or smart enough?
Was it the sex?
We only did it once, a fumbling, uncertain moment of lust that went farther than I think either of us intended. It was my first time, and his too, and it was special to me. But maybe it wasn’t special to him.
He turns his head toward me, and there’s this amused glint in his eyes. “You want a breakup recap? Like a movie commentary?”
“Exactly.” I take a deep breath. Maybe this will be the closure I need. “I want director’s notes. I want deleted scenes. I want behind-the-scenes footage of Knox silently freaking out because I dropped my sparkly body spray and the bottle broke and then the glittery passenger seat carpet forever smelled of value size Twinkle Daze.”
He snorts. “That wasintentionalsabotage.”
“It wasTwinkle Daze.”
He looks down at his hands, drumming his fingers on the balcony railing before settling them around the metal. “I think we broke up because we were too different.”
“That’s the line you’re going with? That’s all you’re giving me?”
“I’m serious.” His voice is quieter now. “You were like sunlight. You wanted things loud and colorful and full of life. And I was…” He shrugs. “Not.”
I sit with that for a second, the half-truth he’s probably giving me, letting the weight of it settle between us. Because on the outside, I was all of those things. But the inside wasn’t always so sunny. Maybe I wasn’t as much myself with Knox as I always thought I was. High school was when I had my first panic attack. But I didn’t let Knox see that. I didn’t let anyone see. Even to this day, I can count on one hand the number of people who’ve seen me like that. Two of them are in this suite.
Ava caught me mid-panic attack at an event once when Meggie and none of my other emotional support people were there. It was weird having The Wicked Witch of The Pool coach me through deep breaths to calm down.
I really hate that we used to call Ava that.
