FREYA
The sight of Jude lying in the hospital bed is one I could have gone my whole life without. His arms rest on top of the blue cotton blanket pulled up to his chest and goosebumps prick his skin.
Someone’s tried to clean him up but his normally bouncy curls are matted under his head, parts of his hair starched with dried blood.
I don’t breathe until his eyes peel open. Oxygen jolts through my system and relief has me throwing myself towards him. I pull back before I cause any damage but I can’t stop myself from climbing on the bed and resting my head against his good side.
Jude’s arm comes up and curls weakly around me. “If I’d have known getting shot was all it took to get you back in my arms, I’d have taken a bullet weeks ago.” The sentence comes out slowly. His voice is cracked and dry but it’s like a balm to my soul. His words, however, piss me off.
I clench my fingers around the blanket on his stomach. “Don’t even joke about that. I could have lost you.”
“You’d have been fine if you did,” he murmurs, the remnants of the anesthetic clinging to him like sleepy dust. “You’ve got the others.”
A sharp, uncomfortable feeling cuts down my back and I push up on the bed so I can face him. “I wouldn’t have been fine,” I argue.
It takes a moment for Jude to look at me. I get the sense even just moving his head hurts but it’s the dull look in his eyes which scares me. The resignation in his voice that has my stomach dropping.
“You know, you’ve told all the guys you love them except me.”
I tense. “What? That’s not true.” My heart throbs, doubt creeping in. “Is it?”
Jude looks away, a slight grimace pulling at his lips.
“Oh my god.” He’s right. I can’t even begin to understand how he’s right, but he is. My chest rises in panic.How have I not told Jude I love him?“Jude. Jude look at me.”
He stares at the ceiling and shakes his head. “Just forget it. I’m hopped up on painkillers and I’m talking shit.”
“Jude.” I cup his cheek in my palm and gently turn him to face me. “Jude,” I say again. “I loved youfirst. Hell, I think part of me loved you the second I realized you’d set your ringtone to ‘Love Story’. I loved you when you saw me formeand not all the awful things my father did. I loved you when you fought for me. But do you want to know the exact moment I fell for you?”
The monitors hooked up to Jude beep a steady beat between us. His eyes go glassy, but he manages a slight nod.
“Jude Xavier Elroy, I fell in love with you the moment you saw my scars and called me a warrior.”
His jaw trembles beneath my hand and a tear catches on my thumb. I’m not sure if it’s his or mine because we’re both a mess right now.
I taste salt on my lips and my insides twist with a sudden flurry of nerves. “Okay, you need to say it back now.”
He laughs then winces and hisses out a breath. “Fuck. Freya I am so in love with you I feel it in my body. Taking a bullet is nothing compared to the impact you have on me. Every time I see you, I forget how to breathe. For a split second nothing exists but you and I could live in that moment for eternity.”
I stare down at Jude in awe. When he talks like that, for just a second, I can see myself how he sees me, and I don’t know what I did to deserve someone this good. This golden.
My palm falls away as Jude shifts, his head sinking into the pillow. He sighs. “I’m sorry I’ve been such an idiot these last few days. I just- I didn’t understand how you could leave so easily. Because there is nothing on this earth that could make me give you up.”
Pain pricks my heart, and I scrunch up my face. “That’s not fair. It wasn’t fuckingeasyJude. I didn’t leave because I don’t love you, I left because I love you too much to risk losing you. To risk this.” My voice rises and I gesture my hand down his body.
Jude is lying in the hospital having been shot and I don’t know exactly what happened between him and my sister but I’m willing to bet it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t come back.
Tears flow down my face in full force now. “You almost died, Jude. You almost died and I was pushing down on your chest trying to literally hold your blood inside your body, but it kept coming, you kept bleeding and there was nothing I could do. Nothing.”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Jude tugs me back down with his good arm and pulls me into him. All of the emotions I’ve been suppressing since hearing the gunshot flood out of me and I cling to him like he might disappear if I let go.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.” He presses kisses to the top of my head and holds me as I sob. “I’m okay. I’m righthere and you were amazing. My warrior. I’m here, Angel. I’m here.”
Eventually I cry myself out and we just lie there together for a while among the humming of machines. Each beep of the heart rate monitor reminds me that Jude’s alive and slowly my nervous system calms down.
A soft knock on the door has me opening my eyes and Oz pops his head in. “You up for a few more visitors?”
I feel Jude nod and I move to extricate myself from his hold but his arm squeezes around me.
