I looked back at Motley and pointed to the shampoo in his hair. “What about his hair?” The two men exchanged a look. “I mean…aren’t you still washing it? And with those curls, you can’t just shampoo it. He needs to rinse and properly condition them.” The men exchanged a look. “Oh, I know! Why don’t we just shower together? That way, we can all help each other out?” Motley raised a brow, and Kash smiled. “We can both help Motley, then you two can help tackle this mess. I mean, you're both responsible.” I motioned to my body with a soft laugh. “You can help me. Together.”
I wasn’t sure why, but I felt like the only way to get Kash to join me was to invite Motley along. And for some reason, I wanted to see them together. Just a little longer. I wanted to see if that wandering little thought, tucked back in my mind, was actually possible.
Kash looked at Motley. “Well, I mean—” Motley shrugged and smiled. Kash exhaled and turned back to me with a grin. “Let’s not waste anymore water then.”
The two men stepped into the shower and held the curtain open for me. I dropped the sheet and wiggled my way in. As I helped rinse the now purple shampoo from Motley’s hair, I couldn’t help but to watch them, noticing every single move the two men made. The way they had this flawless energy of openness and authenticity between them. Most people wouldn’t just casually shower together, even after a steamy threesome. But they did. And they weren’t just in the shower together. They were tending to one another. Something only people on a certain level of intimacy would do. There was something about seeingthem together that just seemed to click everything into place. They weren’t just familiar like friends. They were more than that. Much more.
It all makes sense now.
ELEVEN
TWILA
Kash wipedhis forehead and took his sweet time to put away his guitar. Rehearsal had ended and Carmen and Ducky had already gone for the night and returned to the motel. Motley had decided to take a few things back to the band’s storage room backstage, and Kash remained behind to tidy up. Or so he said. It had been a couple days since our intense threesome with Motley, and things have been a bit different ever since. I don’t think Kash noticed the shift in our relationship, but I did. I felt it in my heart.
Kash picked his guitar case up and flashed me a smile as he approached me. “I’m going to take this back to the storage room and organize a few things. It might take me a bit. Why don’t you go on and head back to the motel? I’ll catch you there later, alright, babygirl?” He kissed the top of my head and gently walked past me.
Have I always been so easily led? So blindly accepting and trusting of what he said? Even after he came back tothe motel with that bite mark, I still believed him. But now, after seeing him that night. It just… Well, it just makes me question everything. Has Kash always spent his long nights with Motley? Is that why he is always out late? Or too tired to be with me? Wait, was he leaving me to meet him? Now?
I remained still as the sad thought floated through my mind. Before that night, I would've done what I always did, and just listened to him. Blindly doing whatever it is he asked me to do with no hesitation or fear in sight. But now, after all that has happened, it felt like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, and I could see what was so clearly in front of me this whole time. It wasn’t a matter of who or why. It wasn’t how it made me feel or anything like that. No, the real question was what was I going to do about the facts in front of me. Before I could even form the thoughts in my mind, my feet answered the daunting thought. And I quickly followed after Kash.
It didn’t take long for me to quickly and quietly catch up to Kash. He was about halfway to the storage room. He held his guitar case as his free hand stuck from his jean pocket while he whistled. The particular tune he was whistling struck the fresh memory of him and Motley together into my mind’s eye, and I remembered the way he asked Motley to make him sing. He’d never asked me to do that. Ever.
Kash approached the doors of the storage room and stopped. I did the same, only a few feet away from him. His head lowered, and his whistling ended suddenly. “I told you to go back to the motel.” He slowly turned his head to look back at me. “What’re you doing here?” His expression was oddly cold. The person looking at me wasn’t the lively, warm Kash I had been dating. Why did he seem so…upset?
I swallowed my anxiety and stepped closer. “I—” God, I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know how to answer his question. But I needed to know more. “Kash? Baby?” I stopped a few inchesfrom him. Thankfully, his expression softened, and a tiny bit of light returned to his face. “I-I wanted to ask you. Well.” My words were jumbled and all over the place. My heart was racing, and I felt as if I might pass out. Fuck, what was wrong with me? Why was I suddenly so weak and frightened?
Kash tilted his head. “What’s wrong, Twila?” My breathing nearly stopped. Kash had rarely ever called me by my name. And it felt so…cold.
This is Kash you’re talking to. Just talk to him.I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“You know I love you, don’t you?”
Kash reached out and gently glided his hand along my cheek with a small smile. “I do. And I love you, babygirl.” My knees nearly buckled. He wasn’t making this any easier.
“Kash, I–I need to ask you something.”
His brows furrowed in confusion. “What is it?”
I bit my lower lip and hesitated. I wasn’t just asking him a question. I was dangling our entire relationship over the edge of a cliff for the verbal confirmation of what we both knew. It didn’t matter what he said; things would never be the same again. But I needed to know. I needed to hear the truth. “Promise me one thing, Kash.” He blinked. “Promise that when I ask you this, you will give me an honest and truthful answer. Can you do that?” Such anxiety swelled in my chest.
Kash scrunched his eyebrows. “I don’t think I like where this is going.” Neither do I.
Here we go.
“Kash.” I hesitated again. “Kash. Do you like—well—fuck.” I took one last deep breath and blurted the question out. “Is there something going on between you and Motley?”
The hallway fell into absolute silence, and I swear, even the temperature dropped. Kash’s face turned paler than normal, and he just stood there staring back at me with horrified eyes.I didn’t know what to say or do, but my own anxiety nearly knocked me over. I just stood there and stared back and hoped my heart wouldn’t give out.
Oh no…I did it. I ruined everything. Look at his face! Kash is so taken aback by my question, and true or not, things will never be the same. Oh, good fucking job, Twila! I should’ve kept my mouth shut and just run away. Pretend this never happened! Fuck!I had to remind myself to breathe. No. No, I can’t do that. I love Kash too much to just abandon him like that. What is wrong with me? I asked because I need to know. And I will stay here and wait to hear what he has to say. Grow up, Twila! You love this man. You will always love him. No matter what he says.Kash remained silent.God, I wish he would just open his mouth and speak! Please say something, Kash. Anything!
Kash’s lips slightly parted as if to speak, but instead, he lowered his head in defeat. He then spoke in a low monotone voice. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re talking about, Twila.” I nearly gasped at his obvious lie and change in demeanor. “Honestly, I don’t know why you would even ask me that?” Is he serious?
I almost felt bad for putting him on the spot with such a question, but he wasn’t going to get away that easily. “I–I—” Fuck! Just spit it out! You deserve to hear the truth! “Stop it! I know you’re lying. I–I saw the way you looked at him, Kash. That night we were together, you were soimmenselyfocused on him, even with me there. There was this obvious comfort and bond between you two.” He stared at me. “I–I’m not blind, Kash. At least…not anymore. Ever since that night, I’ve begun to see things. Not just see them so clearly, but understand them. All this time when you said there wasn’t someone else, there was, wasn’t there? They’ve always been there.” Kash’s nostrils flared as he tried to hold back his emotions. “I’m not angry, baby. Imean, I’m mad that you lied, and at first, the very idea of you cheating on me pissed me off. It was wrong. But Kash, if you don’t like me that way anymore?—”
“I said no, alright!” His aggression startled me. “Just forget it, okay? Fuck, all I wanted was to have some fun. I saw how much you enjoyed being in his lap, and I just figured—fuck! I won’t be asking him to join us ever again. Now, just drop it, okay?” He tried to turn away from me, but I could see the pain in his face. It made his whole body rigid, and I knew he was suffering from something.
I reached out and grabbed his arm. “Kash, wait!” He stopped and kept his eyes low. “I’m sorry. I–I just—” Spit. It. Out. “Damn it, Kash! I’m not some random person! It's me.Me!You can talk to me, you know that. You can be honest with me! Please just open up and talk to me. I know you must be hurting, but after everything we’ve been through, I deserve to know the truth. I deserve to know what’s going on. I see the way you look at him. Not just that night, but all the time. I know that look, because it’s how I look at you. You can hide your feelings and lie through your teeth, but you can’t hide that longing. That deep yearning for another. Trust me.” I had to remember to breathe. “Fuck, I see it when you’re both on stage, and when you fuck around on the tour bus or at the motels. Those pesky little glimpses when you think no one else is watching. I’ve seen them. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that you have always looked at him like that, even before our threesome.” Kash’s eyes slowly lifted to me. Such pain-filled eyes. “Baby.” I choked back tears. “After all this time of being together, I have never seen you look at me the way you looked at him. And I think we both know why.” Kash began to shake his head. “Kash, no. No, stop. Look at me. Look at me, baby!”
