Kash tried to pull away, but I cradled his face as his tear-filled eyes reluctantly met mine. “Stop, Twila. Stop.Please. I–I can’t!”His pleas made my heart ache with such pain. Kash had been hiding for so long, it was only natural for him to try to hide from me.
“Shhhh. It’s okay. Kash.” I tried to not cry myself, but tears had swelled in my eyes.
“No, it’s not! Fuck! You don’t understand, Twila!” I’ve never heard him cry this way before. Ever.
I wanted to help him so badly. To understand whatever the reason was that he was so scared. “Then explain it to me, Kash. Please! I just need some answers. Tell me, and I will do everything I can to understand, to help you. Please, baby. Please, just tell me. It’s okay, you can tell me.” I tried to wipe his tears.
Kash began to panic. “I can’t. Don’t you see? I can’t, Twila! I can’t explain or answeranythingbecause I—” He stopped and tried to catch his breath. “Please, stop. Stop pushing this. Just drop it, okay? For me.” I shook my head.
I can’t let him suffer anymore. Kash isn’t just hiding something, he’s scared. Something is terrifying him, and I love him too much to let this go. I won’t let him suffer alone anymore.
“No. No, I will not just drop it! Damn it, Kash. Are you worried I’ll be angry? Or that I’ll hate you? Baby, I’m not angry.” I showed him a genuine smile. “I’m not. I promise. You have no reason to be afraid or scared! I just—” I pressed my lips together. “I will always love you, Kash.Always. Nothing will ever change that. You are my best friend, my safe place, and my home. And whether you love me, or someone else, I will love you until the day I die. You’re stuck with me, baby.”
Kash’s eyes burned with tears as he stared into my soul. “You don’t understand.”
I scoffed. “I don’t? Then tell me. Explain it to me, Kash. Make me understand!” He shook his head, and I grabbed his hand and held it to my heart. “Always, baby. You hear me? Always! Evenif the person you loved most isn’t me, but the drummer in your band. I willalwayslove you, baby. And I will never leave you.”
As the truth fell from my lips, Kash broke. He grabbed my body and pulled me close in a heartfelt hug as he sobbed against me. “You’re too good for me! I’m so sorry for hurting you!”
“I’m tougher than you think, baby.” I tried to fight back my own sobs. “Just tell me, please,” I whispered.
“You don’t understand. I can’t!” He dropped the guitar case and fell to his knees as he squeezed my body tighter and crumbled before me. “I-I’m so sorry, Twila. I am! Everything is a mess, and it’s all my fault!”
I ran my fingers through his hair and held him tight as I, too, cried. “No, no it’s not. You haven’t done anything wrong, baby.”
Kash’s tears soaked into my skin. “Yes, I have,” he whispered. “I’ve hurt you—betrayed you. And now, we’re all at risk. Every single one of us. All because of me. I fucked everything up, Twila.Everything!” Kash nestled his face into me. My heart ached for him. He had been harboring whatever this fear was for so long. Long enough that it left a deep scar.
I slowly climbed down to my knees and looked at the broken man before me. He had shattered into a million pieces, as if he were simply made of glass. “Baby,” I whispered. I wiped the tears from his face. “Just tell me the truth. Please. I promise once you do, you will feel so much better.”
Kash looked at me. “I can’t.”
“And why can’t you?” I asked.
Kash rubbed his eyes. “The truth will ruin everything. I can’t protect them if I speak it out loud.” I wiped his face again. “I want to tell you, Twila. I do, but I?—”
“That’s what you meant, isn’t it?” Kash blinked. “That night, in the motel bathroom with Motley. You were talking about me.” He gently nodded. “Oh, Kash. Don’t you get it? Have you not heard a word I’ve said?” He blinked a few times. “Baby.” Ibreathed a smile. “You know me. You know you can trust me. I promise I will be nothing but accepting. Boyfriend or not, Kash, I love you.”
Kash’s face lifted at my words, but he remained silent. Despite the lack of verbal confirmation, I knew the truth in my heart. And I wanted to prove to Kash that I would never leave him. No matter what.
I stood to my feet and helped Kash to his. He watched, confused, as I wiped my face and fixed my hair, took his guitar case, and opened the storage room door. To no surprise, Motley was standing a few feet ahead. His face told me that seeing me walk inside the room was a complete shock to him, but to me, it was more proof to what I already knew.
Silly boys. They couldn’t be more obvious.
I placed the guitar case down and turned to Kash. “Baby?” I reached my hand out. He looked at Motley, then me, before taking it and walking to my side. I smiled at him and walked us over to Motley. The two men watched me in complete shock as I wiped Kash’s tears away and tucked a stray strand of his black hair behind his ear. I then kissed his cheek before I whispered into his ear. “No more suffering. No more hiding. And no more lies. Be free, baby.” Kash’s eyes widened, and I winked. I then turned to face Motley and approached him before kissing him on the cheek as well. “Take care of him, okay? You and I both know he’s more delicate than he appears.” I squeezed both their hands and smiled one last time before placing them into one another and walking to the storage room door. As I opened the door and stepped through, I stopped and turned to look back at the two men. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me, boys.” I looked at Motley. “But Motley? If you break his heart, I’ll kill you.” I winked at his baffled expression. As the door closed behind me, my body leaned back against it, and a sense of sadness and relief washed over me.
All this time, he’s been in love with Motley.
I forced myself up and walked down the hall with a restless mind.
Motley and Kash. Well, they do make a cute couple.
I pushed the door to the outside open and inhaled the cool night air as I looked up at the stars.
Be free, baby.
TWELVE
KASH
