Kash eyed me closely. “Motley,” he whispered my name. It made every nerve in my body flinch with an electric rush. “I don’t regret what we have.” Well, that’s a relief. “I-I regret that I can’t have more.” His tear-filled eyes looked at me, and I nearly gasped at his statement. “I tried to deny it for so fucking long, Motley, but I can’t.” He gripped the edge of my sleeveless shirt and twisted the fabric between his fingers. “I don’t want to hide you. I want to be able to kiss you and not care who sees us. To grab your fucking face and kiss the shit out of you on stage! I want more.”
I wanted to believe it, but it was hard considering how persistent he had been in keeping me his dirty little secret. I pulled Kash’s hand back and broke my gaze from his eyes. “What about Twila? How does she fit into all of this?”
Kash’s face darkened. “You don’t believe me, do you?” He shook his head and sighed. “I don’t blame you. Fuck, I haven’t exactly been the easiest person to be with, let alone trust.” He stepped back and leaned against a tree while he rubbed his eyes. “I love Twila, Motley. And I would never do anything to hurt her.” Hearing him confess how strongly he felt for the blonde groupie stung. He must’ve seen the pained expression across my face. “Not like that. I love her in a sense of…well, she’s my soulmate. Yes, she’s attractive and has an amazing body, but I don’t really see her that way. Not romantically.”
My arms crossed. “Yet you still fuck her.” It sounded as jealous as I felt.
Kash grinned at me. “Not as much as you, big boy.” I grunted. “Nah, I see her more as my closest friend. Yeah, the sex is okay, but it’s not the same. Twila is more of an extension of my own self. If that even makes any fucking sense. She just gets me. I cantell her almost anything and know that she’ll never judge me or hold it against me. She’d never hurt me.”
I tried to grapple with what he was saying, but it almost felt like he was rambling in circles. “I just don’t get it, Kash. You say you love Twila, but not romantically, yet you parade her all over town and on stage, making everyone believe what you two have is real. Fuck, I even believe it, and I’m the one you’re fucking almost every night!” He laughed. “It’s not fucking funny! You’re playing with everyone’s emotions and toying with us like it’s some form of sick entertainment. You say you want to be with me, yet you’re twirling that blonde groupie onstage!”
“She’s not a groupie.” He sounded offended. “And I don’t think any of this is funny. I fucking hate it. I hate lying to Twila. I hate lying to everyone, but I really fucking hate lying about you.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Don’t you do that to me.” Kash shot from the tree and grabbed my neck. “Don’t you fucking roll your eyes at me! I’m telling you the truth, spilling it at your feet just like you fucking wanted! Don’t you get it, Motley? I put on this mask and perform for the entire world! I don’t love Twila the way I love you! But I pretend to! Not for me, but for all of you!” We both froze as his words registered in our ears. “Fuck,” he whispered. Kash let go of me and stepped back as if his own admittance scared him.
I had to blink to really understand what he said. I wanted to ask him to say it again, but I knew it would only push him away. Instead, I kept quiet and focused on his other admission. “What do you mean, you do it all for us?” I hated avoiding the real question.
Kash swallowed, almost relieved that I didn’t press him further on his statement. Instead, he sighed. “The reason I pretend to be so consumed with Twila and always have her hanging around is because that’s what’s expected of me. I mean, I’m the fucking lead singer of a rock band. I can’t beseen hooking up with my drummer. We’d lose gigs, and all our shows would be canceled. And no shows, means no money. No money for Carmen and her son or for Ducky to take care of his family. And no money for you to keep yourself out of trouble. Drumming is your life, Motley. Without it, who knows where you’d be. I can’t let any of you down. I can’t.” He was getting emotional, and I was too. “The world isn’t kind to things that are different. And I—we’re different. I wish I could just sit here and say fuck it all, but I can’t. Not with so much riding on my image. I would never forgive myself. So, I keep it hidden. Secret. Tucked away from the world to protect you all. Being famous means nothing to me, but you guys…all of you…you mean everything to me. And I can’t be the reason it all falls apart. I can’t lose you.”
All this time. He wasn’t hiding out of shame or regret. He was hiding out of fear of how his truth would affect the rest of us. “Kash.” My voice cracked. I stepped forward and gently cupped his face. He breathed against my palm, and I could see the relief settle into his face. “You’ve carried too much. You can’t let this fear control you. It’ll consume you, Kash.”
“It already has,” he whispered. “I don’t know who sent those photos or left me the messages. But whoever it is knows, and if they let it out, it’ll turn into a fire I can’t put out.” Kash pressed his hand against mine. “I need to find who sent them. I need to know who it is and stop them. If anyone is going to share our secret to the world, then it’s going to be me. It’s my truth to share and no one else’s.”
I smiled at him. “Does this mean you’re officially my guy?”
Kash rolled his eyes and smiled. “Don’t get too carried away, drummer boy. I can’t just drop Twila like that. But in a way, yes. It does.”
Good enough for me.
I pulled him closer until our bodies had but a sliver of air between them. “I’ll share you, for now. But don’t get toocomfortable with the idea. You might be her boyfriend on stage, but off it, you’remysongbird.” Kash stared at me, those dark enticing eyes of his just taunting me to fuck him right here in the middle of the woods. God, he was such a fucking tease. And I wanted him. So fucking bad. “Say it again.” My mouth hovered his.
Kash leaned into my touch. “Say what?”
“Oh, don’t play dumb with me. Say it again,” I growled. “I want to hear it fall from your lips and land on my tongue. I want to fucking taste it.”
Kash gripped my face and widened my mouth. I stuck out my tongue and watched as he spoke the very words I longed to hear. “I love you, Motley.” A whimper escaped my throat as I swallowed his words and kissed him.
All that pain and fear he carried completely melted away, and he surrendered himself to me. All of him. No more lies, no more secrets, and no more hiding.
My hands wasted no time as I peeled back his jacket and shirt. Kash did the same, ripping my shirt from my body while we kissed and ingested one another. I couldn’t control myself, taken over by some desperately raw desire to have him. I didn’t fucking care who saw or heard us, because all I needed in that moment was him. “I love you.” I moaned into his mouth. “I fucking love you, songbird.”
Kash pulled his mouth from mine, our mixed saliva stringing from one another as he stood, staring deep into my eyes. I felt speechless, seeing him look at me in such a vulnerable and meaningful way. His hands drifted down along my bare chest before reaching my pants. He then unlatched my belt and pulled the zipper of my jeans down. Soft moans fell from my lips while he stroked my dick, keeping direct eye contact with me. It was hard to contain my enjoyment. I stumbled forward a bit, unable to hold myself steady. My palm landed against a tree, and Ibraced myself. Kash continued, slowly kneeling down, dragging my pants down with him. God, he looked so divine before me, on his knees, with eager eyes and a salivating smile. He wasn’t just my heaven, but my own little personal embodiment of hell sent to torture me. But I fucking loved it.
Go on. Drag me to hell, songbird. Let’s burn together.
My body was on fire and my dick was dripping for him, overly excited by all of this. We were out in the open, where anyone could see us, and he didn’t seem to care. His only focus and thought on his mind was me.
Kash leaned forward with his eyes still locked on me. He opened his mouth and stretched his tongue out before he licked my excitement with delicateness. My hands gripped the tree, and my nails dug in, my body tight and restrained. I tried to fight back a loud moan, and I would’ve been successful, but that little tease decided to lick me again, harder, playing with the piercing I had. He did so over and over again, eventually just wrapping his tight mouth around my shaft. My legs trembled and my head fell back with a loud moan as I leaned further into him. His hands wrapped around my legs, and I began to fuck him, holding nothing back.
Kash’s tongue slithered down my shaft as his muffled moans and heavy gags filled my ears. I reached one hand down and twisted it through his long black hair while I guided him gently. He always took me so well and let me handle him as I pleased.
I thrusted my pelvis forward and knocked the back of his throat with the tip of my dick. Kash moved a single hand and began to play with my balls, teasing me further. It was agonizingly pleasant. I had to force myself to control my pleasure, pushing back the desire to just completely bust inside his hot, wet mouth. “Fuck,” I whimpered. “God, I want to bury my dick so far inside you, songbird.” He tugged at my body, and I reacted with a heavy thrust, nearly choking him out. I could tellmy piercing was smacking the back of his throat and knowing I was so deep inside him was the best fucking feeling. Kash consumed me so perfectly, but I grew impatient and greedy and decided it was my turn to love him.
I pulled his hair and forced his head back. His eyes looked up at me, drunk on pleasure while I slipped my dick from his mouth with a loud whimpering moan. Precum and saliva dripped down Kash’s chin and he gasped. God, he was perfect. I couldn’t help myself as my hand moved from his messy hair and I ran my thumb along his wet lower lip, forcing my thumb inside his mouth. Kash surrounded it with his pretty lips and began to suck. I bit my lower lip and watched him. “Careful, songbird,” I warned. “You keep teasing me and I’m going to throw your pretty little ass down in the dirt and fuck you senseless until I hear you sing me a song loud enough to wake the sun.”
Kash slowly pulled back and released my thumb with a wet pop. He then smiled and gripped my dick, tugging me closer as I moaned at the painful pleasure. I nearly fell forward, thankfully catching myself by gripping the tree. “Oh yeah?” His fingers rubbed along my wet tip, and I quivered at the touch. My nails dug into the rough bark. “Go on then, drummer boy. Make me sing you a song.” He leaned closer and kissed my lower abdomen. “Show me just how much you need your loverboy.” And just like that, I fucking snapped.
My hand snatched Kash’s neck, and I threw him down on the dirt. His body hit with a loud thud and he laughed. I stood at his feet and ripped his jeans clean off his body. He watched me with wide, sparkling, hungry, and excited eyes. I fell to my knees, crawled between his legs, and kissed them gently, beginning with his knee as I quickly made my way to his inner thigh. He dropped his head back, and soft little moans drifted into the night air. “That’s right,” I whispered. “Warm that voice up.”
My hands played with his rock hard dick, stroking and teasing him the same way he did me, happily returning the torment. I knew he was enjoying every second because my songbird was both singing and dripping for me.
