Right now, I had to focus on anchoring myself to my own life, not to someone else’s – and standing next to Josh as he did the same.
Which brought me to my final gift: the one from my big brother and my amazing sister-in-law. I untied the cloth wrapping, which doubled up as a beautiful tea towel. Pretty handy in itself, to be fair. Enclosed within was a VHS tape ofThe Princess Bride. I clutched it tightly to my chest.
I took out my phone and tapped out a message to Josh:
Mally:
Happy Christmas for tomorrow! Couldn’t resist opening your presentjust now. Thank you, it’s INCONCEIVABLE!
Josh:
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think itmeans.
Mally:
Lol. When did you last watch it?
Josh:
Couldn’t even say. Fancy a NYE movie night next week to refresh ourmemories?
Mally:
You’re on x
I smiled a watery grin as I collected up the presents and stacked them on the dressing table next to the window, risking a review of my appearance in the mirror as I did so. God, I looked unkempt. But also kind of… glowy and alive? I thought back to the numbness that had washed over me back in London after Rory had collected Elle. Perhaps, instead of emptiness, it’d actually been my brain and body resetting itself for the next phase of my life. Because, right now, I had a clear and unshakeable understanding of what I needed to do: I needed to let go of my small existence of easy comforts to find true peace, despite all the complexities that would inevitably come along with that. Coming here to spend Christmas with Tom was just the first step of many, but I was finally ready to take every single one.
I tucked my hair behind my ears, smeared on some lip balm and sprayed each wrist with a random perfume Jo had left in the room for me. I rummaged through my backpack in search of a Polo mint before re-joining Tom, Jo and Chippie in the living room for their traditional Christmas Eve re-watch ofSanta Claus: The Movie.But my hand landed on something else, instead.
It was a spare copy of the Christmas movie bingo sheet I’d tucked in an inside pocket when I’d packed for my first trip to Scarnbrook. I pulled it out along with a pen, and began neatly ticking off all the tropes I’d inadvertently achieved over the last couple of weeks once more. My life was nowhere near as straightforward as a Christmas movie, but I had to admit I’d experienced quite the character arc this month.
My hand reached the final trope on the page, but I suddenly felt unsure:
New year ahead, new life ahead.
I looked at myself in the mirror and bit my lip.
You’ve got this.
I nodded, and added my final tick.
One year later
Hey, Livvie,
I can’t believe it’s been more than a year since I last wrote to you.
My therapist (yeah, check me out!) thought it might be helpful for me to write to you again, after I stopped so suddenly when I got that bounceback email last December. At first I wasn’t convinced – I thought it’d be too hard – but I finally felt like I was ready to give it a go today.
Shit, I don’t even know where to start.
Maybe some life updates? OK – that’s doable.
I have a new job! The Helix shut down suddenly at the end of last year in the UK, which was a bit of a shock but a bit of a relief at the same time, if that makes any sense at all?! But then my two bosses there, Lauren and Maggie, decided to set up their own comms consultancy, and I’m their copywriter! It’s home-based, which means I can squeeze in some creative writing on the side, plus work from wherever suits me, which means I’ve been able to spend quite a bit of time with…
…MY BOYFRIEND! WHO ISTOM BRINTON!
Yeah, I know I buried the lede there, but I kind of wanted to build up to the reveal.