“Conscious Horizons was a bust,” Deck added.
“Ah,” Dr. Alvarez mused, tapping his chin. “I’m familiar with Conscious Horizons. I can see how maybe Johnny didn’t mesh there.”
“Is it possible there’s a place that’s a bit more…Everett?”
The doctor’s lip twitched. “I might have a suggestion. Not quite as posh, but still effective. Are you opposed to him being in Oregon?”
I sighed. “Doctor, at this point, I’d be willing to put Johnny on the moon as long as they could figure out a way to make him better.”
Dr. Alvarez nodded. “I’ll make a phone call.” As he opened the door, he looked back at us. “For what it’s worth, we’re all rooting for Johnny.”
Him saying that was worth a lot, actually. It was a new experience, feeling like I had a community of people who wanted to help my brother. Not only Deck but also Deck’s family, Britta and Marcus, and everyone at the Center. But getting my head around that understanding was going to take a minute.
Once we were alone, Deck hunched over in his chair. “I suppose it could be worse,” he suggested weakly.
I frowned, and he shook his head. “Sorry, baby. That was a dumb thing to say.”
Baby.We were finally there, and I couldn’t even enjoy it. At the moment, I couldn’t see it as anything other than weight.
“Deck, you can take off if you want to,” I said, not meeting his eyes. “I’m good here for now.”
“What?” His face pinched in confusion. “I’m not leaving you.”
“It’s amazing you’re offering to stay, but you really don’t need to. I’ve got this.”
Deck stiffened. “I know you’ve got this. No one who’s met you would doubt that. But you don’t have to do it on your own.”
I turned toward him. “Deck, I appreciate everything you’re trying to do, but I really am fine. I know you have other obligations, and I don’t want to keep you from them.”
“What obligations?”
I sensed his burgeoning frustration. That wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to be by myself so I could stress and not have to fall apart in front of him. “I’m just saying I know it’s a lot. You’re trying to keep up with your work with Juan and J&D while you do the projects for the Center. Plus, there’s your house, and, and…Bastardo.”
“You think I should leave you here alone to deal with your brother who almost died to take care of the cat?” He drew out his words.
I waved my hand. “The cat, and all the rest of the stuff I said.”
Deck scoffed. “Cori, did anyone ever tell you subtlety is not your strong suit?”
“Huh?”
“Bastardo could survive the apocalypse with zero help from me,” he stated. “I know what’s happening. Except this time we’re in opposite land because it’s you pushing me away. The only thing I don’t understand is why.”
I bit my lip, still spinning it over in my mind, trying to figure out why I wasn’t leaping into his arms.
“I’m sorry, Deck.” I’d waited forever for him to admit he wanted me. And now I was acting like he should go. He didn’t understand it, and neither did I. Not fully. “I’m still learning how to do this, how to let you in.”
He tugged on his collar. “We can learn together.”
Moving to sit in the chair next to him, I laced our fingers, resting them on the faux-wood armrests between us. I looked down at the way our hands fit.
“Being with you last night was one of the best experiences of my life,” I said.
He inhaled. “For me too,” he murmured.
I turned my head, meeting his gaze. “I love you, Arturo Decker. You know that, right? No matter what I say or do. No matter how jumbled my thoughts are. That never changes. I love you so much it hurts sometimes.”
His eyes practically glowed with intensity. “Te amo, Cori,” Deck said. “I love you too. Always.”
