“What Deck said,” I agreed, sitting on the edge of the bed. I wanted to say more, but the events of the day must have caught up to me because words got stuck in my throat as I struggled to keep myself from crying.
Johnny noticed my watery eyes and frowned. “I’m sorry, Cor. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“We almost lost you, brother,” Deck said. Like me, he seemed too overwhelmed with relief to be angry. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Johnny exhaled. He fidgeted with his blankets a little, drumming his fingers on his thigh before answering. “You know I’ve been trying to stay good. Being at Cori’s place has been helping, I think. But my boy Rocco has been asking to meet up ever since I got out of rehab—”
“Since you walked out,” I corrected.
“Whatever,” Johnny said with minimal bite. “Anyway, Cori texted she was gonna be pretty late at work. And I dunno, I thought maybe it would be okay. That I could at least try to see. Rocco’s a good guy. He was there for me after…after Eliazar died. And even tonight, when someone offered me the pipe, he got in the way, saying I was clean. He was trying to respect it, ya know?”
“So how did you end up in the hospital?” Deck persisted.
“I’m not sure. Someone offered me a hit off a joint. And I thought that would be okay. It’s legal, right? What’s crazy is I wasn’t even feeling tempted by the hard stuff. But I’ve been so tense lately. Figured one toke couldn’t hurt. Next thing I knew, the EMTs were over me, asking questions. Then I woke up here. They told me I had fentanyl in my system, so it must have been in the weed.”
He was a good liar. I wouldn’t put it past him to lie about this, but his story rang true. Deck and I exchanged a glance that told me he believed Johnny as well. I decided not to argue right now about his marijuana-doesn’t-count logic, but I took some comfort in knowing he hadn’t gone out in search of hard drugs.
“You realize you’re going back to rehab,” I told Johnny. “It’s not even up for debate.”
He looked toward the window. “Yeah, I know.”
Deck’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out and glanced at it. I saw a long text but couldn’t make out who the sender was.
“It’s nothing,” Deck said, slipping the device into his pocket. “Work stuff.”
I turned back to Johnny. “Dr. Alvarez said he can recommend a facility he thinks you’ll like better. Once you’re cleared to leave the hospital, I’m taking you.”
Johnny blew out a breath. “I’m not going to fight you, Cor. Not anymore. These past few weeks being at your place have been great. It’s like I forgot what life can even be. Clean showers and watching Seahawks games and seeing you every day. Fuckingbrunch with the besties. I don’t know why I couldn’t say no when Rocco texted. I guess I just wish I could have both.”
“You can’t have the part with the drugs, or the people who do them,” I said definitively. Just like Deck and me, Johnny was going to have to figure out a better way to marry his past and his present.
“I know. I know.” Johnny nodded resignedly.
The nurse from the waiting room popped her head in. “I’m glad you guys had time to talk, but since we’re outside of regular visiting hours, I’d suggest you go home for now. Mr. Raney can rest, and you can come back later.”
“Johnny,” he corrected the nurse with a wink. The corners of her mouth turned up.
“Of course,” I said. “I appreciate you making the exception.”
I leaned over to kiss Johnny’s forehead. “See you later, Big Bro.”
Deck clasped palms with him. “We’ll be back soon.”
Johnny was practically back to sleep by the time we closed his door. I leaned against Deck as we walked to the parking lot.
“Johnny definitely seems like himself, so hopefully we got lucky again and there’s no cognitive damage,” I said. “I’m so angry that this happened, but also relieved, and probably at least a little manic from lack of sleep.” As if proving my point, a demented laugh escaped me. “Part of me wants to sit with my brother, but I’m glad the nurse ordered us away because I really need to go to sleep and put a period on this day, or two days, whatever you want to call it—”
“Cori.” Deck stopped me as we exited the building, bracing ourselves in the chilly air. “I need to tell you something.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “As much as I wish this could wait, we’re going to have to give Johnny some bad news before one of his bonehead friends does.”
“What bad news?”
“That text I got earlier wasn’t work. It was from Emilio. He’s on duty tonight. He was waiting until the family got notified to tell me, but that guy Johnny mentioned, Rocco…”
“His friend? Yeah. I’ve heard his name from Johnny before.”
“Well, Emilio knows they’re bros. They’ve been picked up together before, apparently.” Deck inhaled. “He wanted to let me know Rocco’s dead. Overdosed earlier tonight. He told me so we could give Johnny the heads-up. Figured the news should come from one of us.”
“Shit,” I breathed out. I was sad for Rocco and his family, but mostly, I worried about how this would affect my brother. Over the years, Rocco was the only acquaintance of Johnny’s whose name I’d ever learned. My brother would take it hard. But I couldn’t help being grateful it wasn’t Johnny who’dstopped breathing for good tonight. “We’ll tell him together this afternoon.”
