ME:What is this Will?
WILL:I’m not trying to deny your need to process. I just want to take the edge off. Maybe give us a light start to talking. Staying away isn’t good. It’s making me build things up in my head. I’m guessing it’s the same for you. If you know the stupid, mundane bad stuff about me, maybe it will help.
I stared at my screen. The three dots appeared and disappeared a few times before his next message came through.
WILL:Marley and James are getting married. You’re going to know me whether you want to or not.
And that was the core. Staying away from him, worrying about seeing him, had only amplified our situation. Made the inevitable interactions loom larger.
I clutched my phone to my chest. I wanted to keep hating him. He didn’t even know the full reason. Didn’t know I’d drunk myself stupid over him. Didn’t know my mouth had tasted like cotton balls for months afterward. Didn’t know I’d never had a second date with anyone after that night—just as I’d never had a second date with him. Hate was easy.
Letting my guard down was hard.
But here we were. He was part of my life. And no amount of pretending or avoiding would change that.
ME:Okay
WILL:Okay?
ME:Let’s renegotiate
WILL:*smiley face emoji*
WILL:Just let me know when you are ready to talk. Hopefully soon. *fingers crossed emoji*
ME:Will?
WILL:Yeah?
ME:Sometimes I go four or five days without flossing.
Ten minutes later, I found myselfin the kitchen waiting for Will to join me. I hadn’t wanted to invite him to my bedroom. Too intimate. I figured we’d be able to snatch a few moments alone since most of the partygoers had made their way outside, eager to sample the buffet set out along the patio’s edge.
A small window in the laundry room allowed some visibility to the backyard.
The food tables held a mix of favorites we’d ordered from local restaurants, along with the potluck items guests insisted on bringing. The twinkle lights Katy and I had wrapped around the outdoor heaters and greenery sparkled merrily. We’d also hung large glass ball ornaments from the patio cover, designating a section for dancing. An Ed Sheeran ballad played over the sound system, tempting a dozen couples to the makeshift dance floor. There were soft clinks as plates filled and glasses tipped together in celebration. A magical, soft glow overlaid the scene as the sun set, moonlight bouncing off the snow piled against the fence.
Yet the cheerful conversation and laughter floating into the kitchen took a back seat to the humming in my brain. I couldn’tstop thinking about Will. I wanted to be okay with him. But did that mean I had to pretend he’d never burned me?
Not a chance.
I paced between the countertops. I supposed I could be slightly less hostile when we were around one another. It seemed wise to have less volatility between us. By the time Will arrived, I’d resigned myself to the necessity of doing just that.
He tapped lightly on the archway to alert me to his presence. “Hey, Maureen.” Although he kept his hands in his pockets, his eyes flashed. “Thanks for agreeing to talk.”
I stopped pacing. “You meanrenegotiate?”
He grinned, its warmth reaching his entire face. “Yeah.” A nervous chuckle worked its way from his throat. “So, uh, here we are…again.” He spoke quietly, and I recalled our close moment in the kitchen last year. “I know we weren’t ready to have a talk like this last Christmas, but I’m hoping we can get to a better place now.”
He was so guileless. Considerate. I resented it even as I acknowledged the truth. Good thing I’d worked out how I felt before he’d come in. Being near him threatened to short-circuit my brain.
It wasn’t only because of what happened five years ago. I also struggled to reconcile those memories with everything else I knew about Will.
I had learned quite a bit about him from Marley and James over the past twelve months. Stories about how he’d been good to James in high school, the lone rich kid willing to be friends with the scholarship student. How he’d stood with James at their reunion last year, helping him face their former bullies.
And there were things I’d seen for myself. Will had respected my request to keep his distance—I knew he’d intentionally made sure we didn’t see each other on the Fourth of July. When James’s parents’ house in Seattle flooded last spring, Will letJames and Marley stay at his condo for three weeks so they could be nearby to provide support. He’d picked Miranda up at the airport once when Marley got stuck in traffic and I was out of town. With time, it had only grown more undeniable that Will was just as much the personable, kind man I’d met at Musicbox as he was the villain who’d lied to me about having a fiancée.
Not to mention, I continued to find him criminally attractive. All that tousled dark hair surrounding a glass-cut jaw, on top of a strong, wiry physique. And goddamn, could he dress. His jeans fit like a glove, his trendy faux crocodile loafers a perfect complement.
