He exhaled loudly. “I love him. I realize it doesn’t always seem like it, and I’m not very good at it sometimes, but I love him, and he needs to deal with his shit. And if he hates me for forcing him to confront his grief and resentment, so be it.”
What the hell?That was his game? All the constant pecking at Renn was intentional?“So, like, that stunt you pulled on Christmas—with the snow globe. That was on purpose?”
“I realize I could be more careful. I could just never mention Thomas or Mary and we would probably get to a better place.”
“And don’t you want that—to have peace with your nephews?”
“Be real, Sadie. You know that’s not what Renn needs. You see how much pretending everything is fine costs him. The way he holds himself back. He needs to come to terms with all that’s happened to him since his dad died. He never has. I know you see it, too.”
“You can’t make him do that.”Believe me, Pete. I have been failing at it for months.
“Maybe not. But I can keep him from that place of cheerful fakery and bullshit he existed in for the four years before he met you, before he found out about me and his stepmom. If I can keep him angry enough, he can’t go back there, and then he can finally move forward.” It wasn’t terrible logic, except…
“But can’t you see you’re making him crazy?”
“At least it’s honest! Think about it. He took on his dad’s whole life. He’s raising Thomas’s kids, running Thomas’s shop, living in Thomas’s house, and yet he can hardly mention his dad’s name. He’s still so bitter. Something he won’t admit to. And I know it’s partly my fault. I could have made better choices after Mary died. But what’s done is done and I’m fucking trying now!”
I could see that he was. And when he put it like that, it almost made sense. It had been clear to me for a while, brought into stark relief when I saw Renn with Hannah this morning, that my boyfriend was on the edge of a cliff. He had to acknowledge he couldn’t do everything on his own, that he was hurting. He needed a push, and that’s what Pete was trying to do.
If I had used Renn’s method of just shoving my feelings in a corner, I never would have reclaimed my life. Zach had helped, therapy had been a lifesaver, and meeting Renn had been the icing on the brownie of my recovery. Letting people in mattered. My victory over Henri this afternoon could never have happened if I had just plopped my ass on Zach’s couch two years ago and refused to talk about anything.
Pete was still standing in front of me, letting me digest his motivations, until I responded with tight lips. “I guess it’s better knowing you’re being so pushy on purpose. I’d hate to think you were oblivious to Renn’s pain. Robbie’s too.”
Slumping back against the wall, keeping his head bowed, he whispered, “I’m not oblivious. Never think that.” He pressed a palm to his temple. “I loved my brother, and knowing I can’t make this better for his boys…it’s killing me.” He kicked away from the wall and walked a few feet past me, giving me his back.
As I watched his shoulders shake, I felt Pete’s helplessness like a physical force. It was a mirror of what I’d been experiencing with Renn for weeks now. I reached out a tentative hand to him. “It’s going to be okay, Pete.”
He turned around. “You sure about that?”
“Renn is one of the best men I’ve ever met, and I know for sure he can be rational and kind and focused on what’s important.” I grasped for his hand. “I think he’s capable of forgiving you, even if it’s taking longer than you’d like.”
“I hope you’re right.” Pete draped his other hand over my shoulder and brought me in for a hug, silently commiserating. As we embraced, I realized it did comfort me to understand where Pete had been coming from these past few months.
“What…The…Actual…Fuck!”
Aaaaaaaaaaargh.
Dammit.
FML.
Renn stood in the doorway, veins popping from his neck.
“Relax, Renn.” Pete pulled away and held up his hands. “Our conversation got kind of heavy and Sadie was just being a friend.” I nodded in affirmation.
Renn stalked over to where we were standing. He glanced sideways at me before turning red-hazed eyes on his uncle. “And why were you having a serious conversation withmygirlfriend? What were you talking about?”
Pete sighed. “It’s just been a bit of a day is all.” He stepped farther away from me. “Nothing to worry about.”
“Well, that’s convenient, isn’t it?”
Pete looked mildly exasperated. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means maybe you were just waiting for your opportunity. Moving in on other people’s girls is sort of your thing, right asshole?”
“Hey now—” Pete objected at the same moment I gasped out, “Renn!”
At my voice, he turned his glare on me. “Is this to get me back for this morning?”
