I stopped by the side of the used Ford Escort I’d purchased a few months prior as Renn called out. His soaked white t-shirt displayed the outline of his chest, and he squeezed his damp hair as he ran over. Stopping in front of me, he reached out to put a hand on my wrist. He was breathing raggedly, though he’d only jogged a hundred feet.
“I know, Sadie. I know I need to let you go. But watching you walk out…”
He brought his hand to the back of my neck while fisting the other one at my hip. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch before waving my arm up and down in front of him. “I’m so sorry about the ceiling. You have so much going on—”
“Don’t worry about that right now. It’s not important… This is.” He moved his other hand until he was cradling my face on both sides, and I shuddered as he brought his mouth to mine. This kiss differed from the other. Whereas before it had been all heat, this time was more reverential as Renn pressed his lips firmly against mine, not invading, but showing me how much he cared. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t let you walk away without—”
“I’m not changing my mind, Renn,” I said gently, disentangling us. “But I’m also not sorry you kissed me.”
“I just…” He pulled his clinging t-shirt away from his chest as he stepped back. “When you were leaving, I suddenly got terrified I’d never see you again.”
“I meant what I said. Give me a chance to work through some things. I feel what you feel…the rightness of this. It’s the timing that sucks. But I’m pretty sure the universe has plans for us, plans that don’t include being strangers.”
“You sound sure.”
And in that moment, I was. “I am, Renn. And like I said, you can text me or send me funny memes or whatever. I just think we should avoid seeing each other or getting too heavy until I sort some things out.”
He nodded in defeat. “I’ll miss you.”
I smiled at him, reassuring myself as much as the man I was probably falling in love with. “Don’t miss me too much because I’ll be back. Someday you’ll pick up the phone, and I’ll be on the other end. And I’ll ask you to come to me.”
Those words to Renn, I honestly meant them. I thought I understood our obstacles. I hadn’t been lying when I’d said I believed we’d be together soon.
I wasn’t a liar.
No. Not a liar.
I was an idiot.
I should have remembered that fate and circumstance don’t always play nice in the sandbox. As I got into my car, still thrumming from Renn’s kiss on my lips, I remembered I never checked those texts. Preparing for some inanity from Zach, I unlocked my phone.
CHAPTER
Fourteen
February 13, 2014
Iwandered down thehallway of the apartment in search of coffee and some sort of painkiller. Every muscle in my body was sore. My knees were reminding me I was, as of today, thirty-four years old—and so were my joints. When Zach had encouraged me to go out running yesterday, I’d went ahead and done eight miles—a supremely dumb idea when it had been close to four months since I’d hit the pavement. But it felt good to run just for myself. I’d still heard Henri’s critique in my head.You need to pick up your feet, darling, you don’t run as much as you lumber.But I’d just kept going, until finally, he got quiet, and I believed for the first time since I’d left Boston six weeks ago that I had outrun him.
The euphoria hadn’t lasted long. I’d gone back to the apartment and by the time I’d finished showering, the soreness had set in, Henri’s monologues about the deficiencies of my thighs invading my thoughts.
That was to be expected, I guessed. Rome wasn’t built in a day and all that bullshit. I’d seen a therapist yesterday and we’d clicked, so I was pretty sure I would start seeing her regularly. That was something. I’d also picked up a few shifts at Hal’s this week and even had some fun there. My drinks had been slightly off at first, but eventually, I had sunk back into that bartender role like it was a favorite old sweater I’d rediscovered in the back of a drawer—a little dated, but still suitable.
When I got to the kitchen, Zach was already there, handing me a cup of coffee. “Happy birthday, doll!” He’d tied balloons to the dining chairs and a giant cardboard “34” was taped to the glass of the slider. Less cheerful was the scorched earth smell hanging in the air, its source being our kitchen garbage. I glanced at the offending object, not daring to raise the lid to investigate.
Zach shrugged. “What can I say? I thought you might want pancakes for your birthday breakfast. Then I remembered I don’t know how to make them. Then YouTube failed me. So blame the 3-Minute Chef tutorials for your birthday bowl of cereal.”
I kissed him on the cheek. “I love cereal. And it’s the thought that counts. This day is already head and shoulders above my birthday last year.” The one Henri forgot.
As I hunted down the Cap’n Crunch, Zach grew serious when he noticed the object in my grip.
“Did you turn it on yet today?”
I tightened my fingers around the iPhone I was clutching and shook my head. Zach looked at me sternly. “It might be time, doll. Your birthday seems like a good day to do it.”
I considered my best friend’s words as I glanced at my hand again. “He’s been quiet the past few days. He probably doesn’t even remember it’s my birthday.”
“Does it matter?”
