Renn would need more from a relationship than he was ready to acknowledge. As he’d said to me after the 5K, he thought he was “fine,” that he wasn’t someone who needed help with any deeper issues—the octopus stuck to the floor would beg to differ. Being with Renn would mean taking on pain he wasn’t even willing to admit existed.
He started pacing and shaking his head. When he looked at me, his beautiful eyes were glassy. “Don’t do this, Sadie. Please.” He reached out, and I backed away, almost faltering when I saw his expression, how much hurt that movement caused him.
“I’m not in the right place now, Renn. Think of it like this, if you were trying to make spaghetti, no matter how much you liked it and how much you wanted to make it, no matter how good you were at mastering the recipe, you couldn’t do it if you didn’t have any pots, or a kitchen. A solid base to build from.”
“And you’re saying this is a world where you couldn’t just drive to Olive Garden? There’s always a workaround, Sadie. I can be patient. But I don’t want to be apart.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Renn, I’m not ready. If we do this now, we will fail. Do you want a relationship with someone who is always waiting for the other shoe to drop? I was ready to walk out that door earlier today when you were just understandably nervous. How I am now, I always assume the worst. Give me time, and when I come back to you, I’ll be better.”
Renn stopped pacing and rubbed his hands aggressively over his face, pulling his fingers down his cheeks. “When?”
“I’m not sure. Not too long. But if you want to move on in the meantime, I’ll understand.”
“What?! Fuck no! Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to feel this way about someone?” He reached for me and pulled my hands to his chest. “I’ll tell you how long, Sadie. Forever. That’s how long. Because I have never had this kind of connection with anyone. Never even came close.”
“I’m sorry,” I stuttered.I feel the same way.His earnest plea had me reconsidering, but I knew I was doing the right thing.
“What are the rules here, Sadie? Can I text you? Email you?”
“Maybe give it a few weeks, and then, yes?” It sounded arbitrary even to my own ears, but I hadn’t exactly had time to create a rulebook once I’d made this decision. “I haven’t got all the answers right now. I’m just saying I need space to figure it out. And it seems like you have plenty to deal with.”
“Sadie, I want you to know that I don’t agree with this. Not even a little bit. I wish you could see us the way I do.” He stepped back. “When you can, I’ll be waiting.”
“That was such a perfect thing to say, Renn.”
“But it didn’t change your mind?”
I smiled sadly at him before answering, “No.”
He groaned in resignation. “Every part of me wants to convince you to stay right now. But I also don’t want to be like Henri the prick. I want to respect that you’ve decided.”
“Thank you.” I started gathering my things for the third time that day, knowing I’d actually be making it out the door. “I’ll see you soon, Renn.”
“Sadie?”
“Yeah?”
He walked over to me and reached out a hand, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes and angled my face into his touch. Renn stared at me, running his thumb back and forth across my cheek. Finally, he whispered, “Can I kiss you before you go?” His thumb swept from my cheek to brush across my lips. “Just once.”
I didn’t have the resolve to deny him. Or myself. “Yes.”
Renn moved his left hand against my lower back, pressing me into his thighs. His right hand moved from the side of my face to my neck, the light scratch of his fingernails causing goosebumps as he twined his fingers in the hair at my nape. He held my chin at an angle, and I surrendered to his embrace. Thankfully, no memories came forward to ruin the moment. As Renn’s eager mouth came down on mine, I experienced only its voracious inquiry, so soft yet so demanding against my own.
His tongue ran against the seam of my lips, and I opened for his sensual assault. He moaned into my mouth with a sound of sheer carnality. The kiss was long and deep, tongues tangling in a delicious give and take. I brought my hands up against Renn’s chest, twisting at his shirt as I pulled our lower halves together. The outline of his erection pressed firmly against my belly, and my heart hammered at the sensation. I felt sweet relief when Renn nudged his knee between my legs, allowing me to press against his thigh. We held like that for a few minutes, enjoying the taste and feel of one another as we explored the way our bodies fit together.
Eventually, Renn gentled the grasp of his palm on my neck and brought it back to my cheek. His other hand explored every notch of my spine as he worked it upward until he was holding my face on both sides. He continued to ravage my mouth, gradually less frantic, before slowing our kiss and breaking away completely. I blinked as we broke contact, panting and bringing a finger to my swollen lips, already missing him.
He kept our hands joined but stepped away. “Sadie. That was…” He didn’t even try to hide it when he pushed a palm against his cock and breathed out. “Damn.”
Words weren’t needed. We both knew. I grabbed my things as I headed to the exit. “I have to go. Robbie’s probably wondering where you are. We’ll talk soon. Promise.”
I practically hurled myself out the exit, not giving him a moment to say anything else, because after that voodoo he just did with his tongue, he might’ve been able to convince me. I was so glad I hadn’t been afraid, that I’d finally experienced Renn’s kiss.
I allowed myself a glance back as the door yawned, my view of the shop’s interior closing like the shutter of a lens. Just as the latch snicked shut, a loud cracking sound broke the placidity of the moment, followed by Renn’s exclamation of “Oh fuck!”
The telltale whoosh of the water almost brought me back inside. Was I a monster for leaving when he had so much to deal with? I had to believe I was doing the right thing. I sent a silent prayer for the plumber to arrive quickly at Studio Obscurum and kept walking.
“Sadie!”