“And you decided to read a card addressed to Pete?”
“C’mon, Renn. I know my mom’s handwriting. Wouldn’t you have read it?”
“Yeah…yeah I would have.” Renn crouched down in front of his brother while I stayed rooted in place, hoping to be unobtrusive. The only sound was the water dripping from the ceiling, and I agreed with Archie that the trickling seemed to be getting faster.
“What are we gonna do, Renn?” Robbie implored. “I’m so mad right now. I wanna punch him. But then I also have, like, a million questions.” Robbie ran his hands through his hair in a gesture I’d seen Renn make many times. The boy appeared to be growing his matching brown locks out.
“I don’t know, Rob. I’m still processing this myself.” That was an understatement. Renn looked like he’d been hit by a truck, but he was keeping his focus on his brother.
“This means they were together, right? Like, during the time my parents were married?” Robbie popped up from the floor and radiated with anger all over again. “Fuck!” He shouted to the general room. “Fuck him!”
“Robbie—”
“I need to take a leak,” Robbie practically shouted, swiping his face with his sleeve and avoiding our sympathetic expressions as he headed toward the hallway leading to the back office and restroom.
CHAPTER
Twelve
February 13, 2015
Ilaid my handon Renn’s. He was clutching the card. It didn’t look like a grenade, and yet, here we were. With his main reason for keeping calm currently in the bathroom down the hall, Renn’s features clouded with rage.
I thought about the conversations I’d had with Pete at the fundraiser and the 5K, the ones I’d witnessed him have with Renn. This explained so much. Did Pete regret staying away? Had he done it for the boys, because he’d been worried they’d find out? Had he wanted to protect their mother’s memory? Or did he just hate the reminder that he’d been involved with his brother’s wife? No wonder he was so all over the place.
Even though I empathized with Renn’s anger, I also had compassion for Pete’s guilt. Because it had cost him his nephews, all he had left of his brother. When it came to blood relations, I was alone in the world. I couldn’t imagine the loneliness of having family within touching distance and feeling like you couldn’t be a part of it.
I spoke as carefully as I could. “Does it matter, Renn, after all this time?”
“How can you even ask that?”
I moved my palm to his shoulder, gently placating. “Because whatever happened, it was between them. Pete and Mary, and your dad. People make choices, sometimes bad ones. You’re such an amazing guy. You’re not used to disappointing people. Pete’s not good like that.”
“She was his brother’s wife!” Renn pulled out of my grip, expression furious as he clenched the card.
“I’m aware. And I understand why you and Robbie are so upset. But maybe talk to Pete before you go flying off half-cocked.”
“Why? What could he possibly say to make this better?”
“I don’t know. I can’t speak for your uncle. But I think he knows he fucked up. He basically admitted that to me, even if I didn’t understand what he meant. He’s…trying.”
Renn’s energy was as red as I’d ever seen it. He was practically shooting lasers from his eyeballs, and I realized this was the second time today I’d seen a new side of him.
“Fuck him! And fuck his trying. Why the hell are you defending him!?” I flinched as he yelled at me, chest heaving with angry breaths. Stunned by his vehemence, I took two steps backward.
Renn saw me startle and realized his mistake right away. “Shit…Sorry, Sadie. I didn’t mean to shout at you.” Finally releasing his hold on the card, he ran his hands roughly through his hair. “I know you only want to help.”
The chaos of his emotions was palpable. He’d never directed anything resembling anger toward me before. And for the first time, I really imbibed what a relationship with him might be like. With any man. Because any man wasn’t necessarily going to be like Henri, but they were going to be a human being. With human failings. And as Renn stood before me, eyes burning, I wondered if I would be able to handle his.
Perfect, beautiful, caring Renn already scared the shit out of me, as much as I wanted him—but flawed, yelling-at-me, human Renn?Could I even imagine being with him?
“I understand you’re upset,” I said carefully. “But you can’t raise your voice and take it out on me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just so pissed at Pete right now. I don’t even know what I’m saying.”
He appeared untethered, perhaps still in shock. My eyes landed on the card, which Renn put down on the admin table. Although faded, the blue cake with purple candles was still distinct. “You want to hear something funny?” I asked, gesturing toward it.
“What’s that?”
