“Nah.” He started putting things away beneath the bar. “I can’t do any more right now. I’m getting weird.” He looked at me and crossed his eyeballs.
I chuckled. “Alright, since we have a few minutes here—Gary’s cool—I’d like to talk to you. I’ve been thinking about something for a while, but I wanted to get through Christmas.”
Zach laughed back. “And you didn’t think we could chat at home? Like, in the mutual space where we cohabitate and see each other constantly?” He arranged bottles along the shelves as he teased me.
“Shut up. I’ve had a ton on my mind. Besides, Teddy has been over a lot lately, and as much as this involves him, I thought we should discuss it privately first.”
“What do you have to talk about that involves Teddy? Is everything alright?”
“Yes, yes. Nothing’s wrong.” I dragged in a big breath. “I just want to return to the conversation we had at Starbucks a few weeks ago.” Zach startled in the middle of turning the labels out on the bourbon shelf, and I couldn’t have asked for clearer confirmation that he knew exactly what I was referring to.
“Oh, that. Well, I thought we’d sort of left it at I needed to make sure things were on that path with Teddy, before I dropped the I-wanna-be-a-dad-and-not-just-theoretically-and-probably-really-soon bomb.”
“Um…Zach. The man changed his entire schedule to revolve around your life. He declared his love for you in front of drunk sorority girls, not to mention Gary, a few hours ago. He must have texted me fifteen Shelley quotes before he was satisfied that he had the perfect one for your watch. When I got home yesterday, he was emptyingourdishwasher. Like, he knows where the forks go and about the ridiculous ‘Pet My Pussy’ cat mug you got me. So, yeah, dude, pretty sure you’re good to have that conversation.”
Zach nodded and the most ginormous grin took over his face. “I think he’s it for me, Sadie. It freaks me the fuck out to say so, but it’s true.”
“I know I don’t get a vote, but duh. Teddy’s fantastic.”
“He really is.”
“And he’d make a great father.”
“He really would.”
I put my hands on either side of Zach’s face and spoke in the slowest, most enunciated voice I could muster. “So you should have that conversation.”
“You’re right.” Zach chuckled and stepped away from my steady gaze. “I know you’re right. I promise I’ll do it soon.”
I dragged his eyes back to mine. “Don’t worry. Like I said, Teddy’s clearly all in. But before you talk, I want to make sure you have all the information.”
“Information?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say this to you sooner, and I should have offered the minute you told me you wanted a baby, but I was sort of in my head that day, and it didn’t register, and then I had that intense appointment with Renn right after, remember the one I told you he almost kissed me, but I couldn’t kiss him back because of goddamn Henri, and we got Taco Bell, and hugged, then overhearing him and Archie, and after that I didn’t have any space in my brain left to think about it, but then, once I did, I realized—”
“Doll, what was that you were saying about none of us getting any younger?”
“Sorry.” I fidgeted with a loose string on my apron and centered my thoughts before pulling Zach to lean against the bar. “I just wanted to make it clear that if you decide to have a baby, of course I am totally down to help you out.”
“Help me out?”
“Don’t be obtuse, Zach. I could…you know…assist. Carry the baby, or I dunno, be an egg donor, or whatever, if you’re not afraid of my DNA.”
“Sadie…” Zach did a slow nod, and I could tell he was gearing up for some careful words. “I realize that, since I want the whole new baby experience, surrogacy or adopting a newborn are essentially my options. And you’re my best friend. So, obviously, the thought has crossed my mind. But I’m nowhere near ready to get in the weeds or think through specifics.”
I smiled at his admission that he’d considered me in this capacity already. “Totally understand that. I’m just saying that whenever you are ready, my offer is on the table.”
“Doll, there was a point you made that day—Teddy has money. Assuming he’s on board to do this with me, we’d be able to afford another surrogate if we decided to go that route.”
“But no one else is your best friend. And besides the fact that I’d help you out for free, you’d be doing me a favor. I would love to do this.”
“You would?”
“Absolutely. I’m one hundred percent volunteering for morning sickness and stretch marks and whateverthefuck else comes with growing a human being. You get how much I love you, right?”
“I do, but it’s a big ask. And this has been a tough year for you.”
“You’re not asking. I’m offering.” I pulled the bar rag he was twisting into knots out of his hands and rested my palms on his shoulders. “Zach, we both know I owe you everything. When you brought me home a year ago, I was a wreck. You helped me put myself together and I’m getting stronger every day. But that’s not why I’m offering. I want to do this because it’s something Icando. Something Ican chooseto do. I was numb for so long, but I’m feeling things again. It’s like with the running. I’m starting to get in touch with my body, without hearing Henri in my head telling me I need to tighten up or lose a few—”
