“Yep. At first, we thought he was just in shock, but that wasn’t the case. You know how he is—all sunshiny and chill. He just digested what we were telling him and then said he basically already knew, like he’d always felt it deep down.”
“I’m not sure if that’s fantastic or creepy.” I reached over to tuck the errant strand of hair behind Renn’s ear. “But I do know where he gets his sunshiny chill from.”
He grinned. “All four of us ended up going to my therapist together for a while, and the boys went on their own too. Robbie couldn’t really stay mad when Gage was so cool about everything. Dr. Maddox helped us get better at talking to each other. It turns out I wasn’t the only one who was mad at my dad.”
“Do you still go?”
“Sometimes. But not as often. Things still aren’t perfect. That’s one reason Robbie had to switch schools. And now that Gage is eleven, he’s asking more questions. I appreciate having the assist in answering them.”
“That’s great, Renn.”
He took my hands in his again. “It’s still so surreal to see you. And I want to talk to you about so many things. I want to hear all about teaching and Charlotte. But it’s hard to do that when I also want to touch you so badly.” He stopped and glanced regretfully around the classroom. “And this isn’t the time or place.”
He was right. Even though the school was basically empty, this classroom was not the ideal location for our reunion. “Agreed. Even if I am just a substitute, I’d like to keep my reputation intact, and it’s already bad enough that I hurled the laminator onto the floor.”
“What?”
“Nevermind.” I inhaled heavily. I wasn’t so foolish as to believe we were doing anything other than working our way back to each other. He’d made his feelings clear. And even if I had a few remaining doubts, it was what I wanted as well. “Why don’t you come by my place tonight? I’m in NoHo now. I can text you the address.”
“I’d love that. Seven o’clock?”
“That works. Your number still the same?”
“Sadie, you don’t honestly think I would have changed my number when there was a chance you might have texted me, did you?”
CHAPTER
Twenty-Six
April 2018
Four hours laterI was sitting nervously on my couch, waiting for Renn to arrive. I’d cleaned every imaginable surface in the apartment, gone for a lengthy run, and hooked myself up to the pump for twenty minutes, long enough to prevent any leaky breast emergencies.
He arrived right on time with flowers and chocolates, a clear callback to our first proper date. My new apartment looked similar to the one I’d shared with Zach, other than it only had one bedroom. I’d taken the time to add more personal touches to this space, including purchasing a retro-style credenza to house my vinyl collection in a place of honor. The blue and green color scheme was also more my style than the purple and gray Zach had preferred.
“It’s nice,” Renn said approvingly. “Plus, you’re even closer to me now.”
He put his offerings on the kitchen counter, and I motioned for him to sit on the couch with me. He looked amazing in dark jeans and a plain black V-neck sweater, hair gathered beneath the olive-green beanie I remembered so well.
“Sadie—”
“Renn—”
I smiled as we interrupted each other, before gesturing for him to continue.
“Sadie, I’m just going to come right out and say this.” He leaned toward me and I marveled at how comfortable I already felt with him again. It was hard to imagine it had been two years. Hard to imagine I’d finished my education, moved apartments, and grown and birthed another human being in the time we’d been apart. He must have sensed the same level of rightness because he wasted no words. “I’ve had hours to think about this now, along with months and years before that, and I just want to tell you that nothing has changed for me. If anything, I’m even more sure. No one makes me feel the way you do, and I want to be with you. Always. I want my future to be with you.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he grabbed my hands to quiet me, touching his knees to mine. “Please, just let me get this out. All of it. I’ve thought about how so many people in your life failed you—your parents, your grandma, Henri. So many people failed to love you the way you deserved. When we finally got together after Halloween, you told me you’d stayed away because you’d felt unworthy, that finding out about Henri’s son made you feel unlovable. When you came back, you said you were finally ready to be loved…and I felt so lucky because I would be the one to do that. And then…after we broke up…I realized I hadn’t. You gave me the chance to be the first person to really love you the right way—and I didn’t.”
He rubbed his thumbs in circles over the backs of my hands, and I lit up with awareness as he continued.
“Sadie, I thought we were okay back then because I loved everything about you. I didn’t understand what you were trying to show me all along, that it’s not enough just to love someone. You have to let them love you in return, let them see all of you. I didn’t allow you in. But I am ready now. I want everything with you, Sadie. If you let me, I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you we belong together.”
I’d had a feeling he would say something like this, and I already had my answer prepared. “You don’t need to prove anything to me, Renn. I want to be with you, too. I’m not interested in forcing you to work harder for it or making it more difficult than it needs to be. I think we’ve paid our penance and then some. We’ve already lost two years together because things got complicated.”
My words were all the invitation he needed. He reached over to grab me and hoisted me into his lap, pulling me close for a long, drugging kiss. And it didn’t matter that he’d just come through my doorway five minutes ago, been absent from my life for years before that. We’d been working our way toward this moment since the first time I’d walked into Studio Obscurum. At long last, both of us were ready. We’d simply run out of time to waste.
His tongue snaked into my mouth and it felt like coming home. He pulled away just long enough to murmur, “I love you,” before diving in again. After running his lips along my neck, he added, “I know we have a lot to talk about, but I couldn’t wait any longer to tell you, or to kiss you.” He proved his point by sealing our lips together again.
