“You know what? No. No, I’m not okay.” My chest heaves. “Why the fuck did you invite Mila over without even asking if I was okay with it? Who does that? I mean, for fuck’s sake, Andrei, that woman hasn’t spoken more than a dozen words to me since the first time I met her! If you want to spend time with her, fucking feel free, but you don’t have the right to drag me into it.”
The corner of his lip curls upward, and I shove against his chest, trying to put some space between us.
“Stop smiling, you jerk. I’m serious.”
“This is why,zolotse.”
“Because you wanted to piss me off?” I scoff. “Well, congratulations, you did a great job.”
“No,” he smiles, voice soft. “Becauseshepisses you off. And you don’t deserve it.”
“So you invited her over? If you weren’t actively trying to annoy me, then that’s a little counterproductive.” He keeps smiling, and I smack my hands against his solid chest, twisting hard so I can get free of his grasp, but he doesn’t give me an inch.
“Do you trust me?” There’s a hit of vulnerability in his voice, and I can’t stand it. I try to look away from him, but he chases my eyes, pinning me in place when I don’t answer.
Do I trust him?
For the most part, Andrei’s been amazing. But eventually he’ll get bored, or he’ll get worn down from having to deal with Maksim’s bullshit, and he’ll pull away. He’ll stop taking me on dates, or he’ll spend more time out and about under the guise of working. Or, if he’s feeling spiteful, he’ll take a card out of Daniil’s playbook and have an affair, making a show of how little he cares that it hurts me.
He’s here for now, but he won’t be forever.
And I’m trying to trust him, but it’s hard to let my guard down when I know he’ll only be here for a while.
“That’s alright,” he eventually sighs. “We’ll get there.”
He lets me go, pressing a kiss to the side of my head as I pull away.
“Finish getting ready. I’ll let Mila in when she gets here, okay?”
I stand there, unable to do anything but watch as he leaves the room. He didn’t seem surprised. If anything, he seemed disappointed, which is so much worse.
I try to ignore how shitty I feel as I finish getting dressed.
Before I’m ready for it, I’m standing at the top of the stairs, taking a deep breath while Mila chats away with Niko andAndrei as they greet her in Russian, half wondering if I should even bother going down to join them.
It’s just a few hours, I tell myself as I close my eyes. In a few hours, she’ll be gone again, and I won’t have to feel like a stranger in my own home again.
Niko sounds excited as he blabs away, and I don’t understand a single thing he says.
I paste a wooden smile in place as I go to join them, pretending for everyone else’s sake that I’m not upset about being excluded from yet another conversation, even as I trail after Niko as he guides Mila toward the dining room, urging her to take the seat next to his. Andrei eyes me curiously, but I ignore him as I serve dinner while I bite my tongue.
God, I’m pitiful.
There used to be a time that I would stand up for myself, but this isn’t a battle I’m going to pick anymore.
What’s the point? She’s never viewed me as a person worthy of her respect, and no amount of pleading or kindness has changed her opinion in the slightest. It didn’t change after Daniil and I got married, it didn’t change after Niko was born, and I don’t expect anything to change now that Daniil’s gone.
Mila says something as everyone eats, looking at Andrei in a pointed way that makes me think she’s asking a question. I look at my food, wondering how soon I can start pushing her out the door.
I’m only capable of putting up this farce for so long, and eventually something’s going to give. Either I’m going to snap, or I’m going to start crying, and neither option will do much for my already battered ego.
“I didn’t have anything to do with that,” Andrei replies, startling me out of my personal pity party.
Has he been speaking English this whole time? I watch him curiously, but his expression remains unchanged.
With the lack of tact that only a child can possess, Niko launches back into conversation in Russian, only stopping when Andrei clears his throat.
“Speak English, Nikolai. It’s rude to exclude someone you care about from the conversation.”
