Shit, did I make him think Andrei’s here to replace Daniil?
“Of course not,” Andrei answers with a small shake of his head, eyes still on the road. “I’m not going to take your papa’s place. I’m not trying to, either.”
“But you’re always around Mama, and you make her smile, just like Papa did.”
Does he?
Irrationally, I want to cover Niko’s mouth before he says anything else. Andrei doesn’t need to hear about how much I supposedly smile around him. He doesn’t need to know that I’m starting to get attached to him.
If Niko’s noticing it, then I have to do a way better job of covering up how I feel.
“I’m not trying to be your papa, Niko. Only your mama’s husband. I just want to make her happy, you know?” He clears his throat as he navigates a turn. “But Iamhoping that you and I can be friends.”
“Wearefriends,” he says, like it’s a long-established fact. Like the sky being blue. Or gravity simply existing. He nods to himself, turning his head to watch the scenery flying by through the window. “Can we go to the park, Mama?”
“Of course,” I hear myself answer, though I’m dizzy with emotional whiplash. If Andrei’s going to invite Mila over, hecan’t follow that up by being sweet and patient with my son. He has to give me a chance to find some middle ground first.
“After lunch?”
Niko’s face is bright with excitement as he nods. The smile on his face makes him look so much like Daniil, I have to force myself to face forward. Apparently done with conversation, Niko goes back to playing, holding up his toys and making exaggeratedroarsfor the rest of the drive.
***
Mila is due to arrive in twenty minutes. That should be plenty of time to get my oscillating mood under control, right?
On the one hand, I’m furious. If Andrei wanted to tell me to shut up and make myself scarce because he wanted to talk to Mila alone, it would have been kinder for him to just say so to my face. Having Mila come over is just setting me up for misery.
On the other hand, he was perfect with Niko this morning. In my wildest dreams, I never would have pictured that conversation going as well as it did. As mad as I am, I feel part of myself melting when I realize exactly how good he is with Niko. In the big moments and the little ones, he’s present and aware of exactly who he’s talking to.
I adjust the silverware, making sure that everything is perfect while dinner finishes cooking in the oven. Part of me wanted to make a show of picking up takeout and tossing greasy burgers on everyone’s place, but instead I went to the store and got everything I needed to make a wonderful last-minute dinnerfor someone who’s inevitably going to pretend I’m not there anyway.
Because I’m pathetic and still can’t help but want to impress Mila.
I have to run upstairs and get dressed, but I need to make sure everything is set up in case Mila gets here early, trying to catch me off guard.
Like she did the last four times she came over.
Doing my best to brush aside my irritation, I make my way upstairs, pausing outside Niko’s door long enough to make sure he’s alright. Despite seeing her this morning, he’s been acting like he’s going to be reunited with his long-lost other half, and it’s been a challenge to keep him calm and tell him to be patient.
Mila and I might not like each other, but I’ll do everything in my power to protect Niko from having to bear witness to our combined bitterness and resentment.
He’s sitting on the floor with a book in his lap, running his finger along words he can’t read as he makes up the story, and I can’t help but smile.
I’ll put up with tonight, but I’ll also have to make it clear to Andrei that this isn’t going to happen again without discussing it with me first.
Maybe I should just seek him out and clear the air now. He’s probably tucked away in the spare bedroom that he’s using as an office since he started spending most nights sharing my bed. Or maybe I should wait until I’ve had some time to calm down.
That’s probably the smarter move.
I head into the closet to pull on something suitably nice, but not so nice that it screamsI’m trying to impress you! Please giveme your approval!Settling on a conservative sweater and simple skirt, I change quickly, nearly falling backward when I bump headfirst into Andrei’s chest, only remaining upright when his hand wraps around me, keeping me in place.
“You alright?”
“Yeah,” I answer while I shake my head, trying to reorient myself.
“Well, which is it?” He chuckles. “Yes or no?”
As much as I wanted to find a way to let go of my anger and approach him when I was feeling more like myself, his little laugh is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I can’t repress the low boil in my blood or hide the way my hands flex, wanting to lash out at something.
