When he’s finished, I roll over and grab his arm, keeping him close. The pathetic, desperate creature in my chest claws at my ribs, demanding I force him to stay with me.
“Will you stay?” The words escape me before I get a chance to bite my tongue.
I hate how pathetic I feel. If he says no, I’ll have no choice but to go back to the same routine we had this morning, acting likeroommates who tolerate each other enough to fuck occasionally and forget how he made me feel when he held my hand over dinner.
“I want to wake up with you. Just once.”
He looks at me in that evaluating way of his, and I feel beyond vulnerable. It’s like he’s stripped me of every protection I have, and my soul has been laid bare. I both hate and savor the experience of feeling seen, even as I have to resist the urge to squirm away from it and hide.
Slowly, he smiles, and it’s like the first rays of sun coming out after a freezing winter.
“I’d stay with you every night if you’d let me.” His tone is serious, and my heart skips a beat. It doesn’t silence the desperate, anxious creature that’s made a home for itself in my chest, but it does help put a muzzle on it.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him against me in a kiss, basking in the warmth of his skin against mine. “Then stay,” I murmur against his lips.
He nods, kissing me as I smile.
Chapter 18
Blair
Andrei’s kisses quickly become a gentle reminder throughout the day of how sweet he’s capable of being when he wants to be. Sure, he can be terrifying when the moment calls for it, but when he’s at home, he’s become such a steady presence that I find myself missing him when he’s gone.
When I’m falling asleep, occasionally I’ll stir to find him playing with my hair, and more than once I’ve caught him looking at me like I’m the only person in the room, regardless of where we are and who we’re with.
He’s considerate, patient, unexpectedly funny, and the way he’s insisted on taking me out on weekly dates makes my heart flutter.
But part of him always seems to be playing defense, and whenever I notice it, it’s hard to look past the fact that all his sweet moments are just that: moments.
Moments that all seem meaningless now as I blink up at him, feeling like he’s throwing me into the lion’s den. Mila blinks athim like she can’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth.
I can’t blame her, because neither can I.
“What?” I can’t stop myself from hissing.
Andrei shrugs easily.
Traitor.
“It’s been long enough. We should all sit down and have dinner together,” he says. His hand is on the small of my back as he looks away from me, focusing on Mila. “Can you come over tonight? Or should we find a different day?”
How about never?
“Tonight,” Mila answers without hesitation, a triumphant grin on her face. “I can’t wait to spend an evening with you and Nikolai. Now, go, I have to start cooking!” She shoos us away while I’m trying to figure out if I want to laugh or cry.
I’ve been trying so hard to let myself trust Andrei, and this is what he does with it?
Sure, I’ve asked Mila to come over for dinner before, but that was onmyterms. It wasn’t something that was sprung on me by someone else. I guess it was too much to hope that Andrei would know better.
I’m quiet as we all pile into the car after picking Niko up, but only because that seems like a better alternative than screaming. Luckily Niko’s happy enough to fill the silence, making sure to recount every minute of his slumber party with Mila.
Meanwhile, Andrei and I were curled up on the couch watching an old movie, and now he’s inviting Mila to dinner. Without checking with me first.
I’m not sure if it’d be better to ice him out orstrangle him.
“Andrei, are you my papa now?”
I freeze, Niko’s question cutting me to the bone. I turn around in my seat to look at him, but he’s focused on the toy dinosaurs in his lap, totally oblivious to the ticking bomb he’s thoughtlessly thrown into the middle of this car.