Page 28 of Plaintive Vow


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Andrei isn’t a monster. Not to Niko, anyway. He’d never do anything to hurt him. And he’s never actually hurt me,just… threatened my life. But that doesn’t mean he deserves to be pushed away at every turn. Especially not when he’s here to help, for fuck’s sake.

I smooth my hands over the skirt of my dress. Maybe if I look like I have everything together, I’ll start to feel that way, too. I double check that my heels are lined up next to the door, right next to Niko’s shoes, where he can’t pretend he doesn’t see them, and follow after the two of them.

I appreciate Andrei’s offer, but I can’t expect him to fix this for me.

“I miss him,” Niko says quietly, and my steps stutter to a stop in the hall, feeling like my breath is stuck in my lungs. “Mama said he’s not coming back, but she’s lying.” He sniffs. I clench my hands together, aching to comfort him.

“Why do you say that?” Andrei’s voice is sympathetic but unyielding. “Has your mama ever lied to you before?”

A beat of quiet passes while I try not to drown in my own grief and doubts.

“No. But he promised, and Papa doesn’t break his promises.” I lean against the wall, letting my head fall softly against it.

“Niko, buddy… He didn’t. He fought tooth and nail to come back to you, you’ve gotta believe me.”

“Then where is he? Why isn’t he here?” Niko’s voice wobbles, and even though he’s asked me that question a hundred times, I don’t envy Andrei having to answer it again.

None of the parenting books covered this.

“Your mama didn’t lie, and your papa didn’t break his promise,” Andrei eventually answers. “Sometimes things happen that are out of anyone’s control, and this was one of them.”There’s a shuffle, and Niko’s hiccupped cries become muffled. “I miss him, too. And so does your mama.”

“Then she should make him come home. He listens to her.”

Andrei sighs, and all my failures hit me square in the chest. “If there was any way that she could, she would. Both of them would do anything if it’d bring him back to you, but…” He clears his throat. “But he’s gone. And none of us can change that.” Niko’s sobs get louder, and I slink back to the entryway to give them some privacy.

Andrei’s right. I’d do anything to bring Daniil back, if only to make it easier on Niko. That boy needs his father. He always has, and he always will. He was born into this cruel, careless world, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to guide him through it alone. I don’t know how to make sure he’s prepared for everything that’s going to be expected of him. For everything that he’ll have to do.

All I know is that I can’t do this alone. Not for the first time, I want to grab something and break it, just to have control over something.

When Niko was born, Daniil promised me he would look after him and help guide him. Now? Now, I’m just as lost as Niko.

I check my appearance in the hall mirror, swiping under my eyes to clean my ruined mascara as I wait. I don’t care if we’re late anymore. Hell, we probably will be, but who gives a shit? I’d rather Niko get ready on his own time.

Eventually they join me and Niko wordlessly puts on his shoes. I buckle him into his car seat and give Andrei a gratefulsmile. The ride to the church is silent. No radio. No talking. Just a quiet drive that makes my stomach roll with nausea.

Sooner than I’m prepared for, Andrei’s parking the car, and the church is looming over us, stark against the gray fall sky. My hands are shaking as I reach for the door handle, but before I open it, Andrei lays a hand on my shoulder.

“I’ll be here the whole time. I’m not going to let anyone mess with you, alright?” His hand is warm and comforting, a steady weight after weeks of feeling like I’m being tossed around in the wind.

I nod, though I’m not sure I believe him. Andrei’s loyalty isn’t to me, and the effort is nice, but I’m not going to delude myself. There’s virtually no chance that I’ll make it through today unscathed.

As I open my mouth to reply, Niko gasps and presses his face against the window. “Baba Mila!” he shrieks, shifting in his seat as his hands fiddle with the buckles, trying to free himself. A quick glance confirms that Mila’s spotted us. She’s storming toward the car, no doubt determined to make sure Niko spends the day glued to her side.

I want to fight her over it, but at least they’re finding comfort in each other.

As soon as I have him out of his car seat, he’s out and sprinting toward her, leaving me standing alone with Andrei. She watches me like a hawk until Niko’s in her arms.

The cool breeze stings my cheeks, and I take a moment just to feel it before Andrei rests his hand against the base of my spine. He isn’t pushing me forwards or holding me back. Just… making sure I know that he’s there.

“You’re going to be alright,” he says quietly, but firmly. Almost as if it’s an order.

I shake my head, unable to look at him. It doesn’t feel like I will. It feels like I’m going to be forced to endure until something comes along to eventually break me beyond repair.

“You will. You’re too strong not to be.” He presses against my back, urging me toward the waiting pit of vipers dressed in their best suits.

***

I skirt along the edges of the room, and for the most part, I’m being ignored. It’s a welcome reprieve from the worst-case scenario I was dreading.