She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I know. I heard at the signing. But I'm just saying, I realize you get steak all the time, so—"
"So what?" I said. "You ever think thatyou'rethe steak?"
With an awkward laugh, she said, "Actually, I'm not even sure I'm a burger." She glanced around. "And speaking of which, I'm starving. Would you mind hitting a drive-through on the way back?"
"Screw that," I said.
She stiffened. "Why?"
"Because I'm taking you out."
I hadn't meant to say it. But now that it was out there, I realized how much I wanted it, to spend some time with her outside of this so-called book tour.
She replied, "You don't have to do that."
"What, you're not hungry?"
"That's not what I meant," she said. "I just know that you probably feel obligated or something. And you're not, honest. A drive-through is fine."
Up ahead, on our right, was a bait and tackle store, closed for the night. I pulled into the parking lot and cut the engine.
And then, I turned to face her. "You're nuts, you know that?"
"Yeah, I know," she said. "You'remakingme nuts. So really it's your fault just as much as mine."
"Oh yeah?" I said. "You ever stop to think that you're makingmenuts, too?"
"Why?" she said. "Because I'm such an awful employee?"
"First off, you're not. And second, I'm not talking about your work."
"So whatareyou talking about?"
"You." My gaze locked on hers. "And you wanna know why?"
"Why?"
"Because you're steakandburger. And apple pie, too, while we're at it."
"Oh shut up," she scoffed. "I am not."
Now it was my turn to scoff. "Wanna bet?"
She sighed. "Look, I'm just saying it's all relative. I know I've got my good points, and it's not like I think I'm ugly or anything. It's just that I know, well, compared to what you'reusedto looking at, it's not like you'd be jerking off tomystupid pictures."
As the words echoed out between us, her hands flew to her mouth. "Oh, my God," she groaned. "I don't believe I just said that."
Neither did I.
But the truth was, her words hit harder than she knew. I hadn't jerked off to the pictures, but let's just say those images weren't far from my mind during my shower this morning.And last night, too.
And now, she was sinking lower in her seat. She squeezed her eyes shut and said, "I just realized something."
"What?"
"Remember before today's book-signing, when you told me that I didn't want to know?"
"I remember."
