“Hey, I’m not complaining. I was just surprised.” They should talk about this. Regan wanted to talk about it. But she also wanted to simply hold Ava, to enjoy feeling her weight, her skin, listen to her soft breathing—
Shit.
Ava was already asleep. And while Regan really wanted to have a discussion—because what were they doing? And what were they going to do when the retreat ended in less than two weeks?—she also couldn’t bear to wake Ava up. This was a time she loved, this post-lovemaking cuddle, this closeness. This was the time when the feelings she knew she was developing for Ava settled warmly inside her and snuggled up, keeping her from moving, keeping her from even wanting to move.
She inhaled deeply and let it out in a long, slow breath.
Talking could wait.
* * *
Regan woke up alone.
Sun streamed through the window, which caused her to lie there, face in the pillow, and blink in confusion for a moment. She was rarely in bed when the sun rose, but this retreat had messed with her usual schedule…not to mention all the sex she’d been having. Her body was clearly exhausted if it was now letting her sleep past sunrise.
The bathroom door was open, the light off. Ava’s bed was still neatly made. Reaching her hand to the other side of the bed told her it was cool; Ava must’ve left a while ago. Her fingers brushed a piece of paper, and she lifted her head to examine it.
You looked too peaceful to wake up.
Went for a run.
Ava
She’d signed her name with a crudely drawn heart next to it, and it made Regan smile as she rolled over onto her back and reached for her phone on the nightstand. It buzzed with a text as she held it in her hand. Kiki.
Checking in. How’s things?
The relief Regan felt confused her at first, but then she realized that Kiki was part of her regular life. That she represented normal in a time when normal seemed really far away from her grasp, and for whatever reason, she needed to touch normal right now.
Hey, you,she typed back.Getting off work or heading in?
The gray dots bounced as Kiki typed her answer.Just got home. Rough night.
Regan knew better than to ask for details.Rough nightusually meant she’d lost a patient. Maybe more than one. But Regan didn’t push. Kiki would give her details if and when she was ready to, so she simply saidI’m sorrywith a sad emoji.
Cheer me up. Tell me about all the sex you’re having.That wasfollowed by an eggplant emoji, which made Regan laugh because Kiki used it to refer to anything that had to do with sex, even if it was between two women with no “eggplants” involved.
She sent back a sweating emoji, a sun emoji, and anything else she could find that might represent the wordhot.
Wow!was Kiki’s response.That’s a lot. I was half expecting you to tell me it had ended.
Regan didn’t want to text. She wanted to talk. She grabbed a shirt and threw it on since she was still naked from last night’s session, and then she hit the FaceTime icon. She gave Kiki no time to say anything when her face appeared on the screen, she simply said, “It has not stopped. If anything, it has increased. She came in last night after dinner and didn’t say a word, just basically ripped my clothes off.” Even saying the words and remembering the previous night started her center throbbing and made her skin flush with heat. She swallowed.
Kiki squinted into the phone. “Oh my God, I can see it on your face. It’s right there, plain as can be. She’s gotten to you. Youlikeher, don’t you?” Kiki’s tone was a combination of shocked disbelief and gentle happiness.
Trying to lie, or even downplay, to Kiki was useless. She knew Regan too well and could read her like a book. All Regan could do was sigh, and then, to her fucking horror, her body betrayed her and her eyes welled up.
“Oh, honey,” Kiki said, pushing her face close to the screen. “Youdolike her. It’s okay. Don’t cry.” The reason Kiki had become a nurse in the first place was her innate desire to help people, so the teasing was shoved aside to make room for genuine concern. Her voice went soft. “I assume she’s not there with you. Can you tell me what’s going on?”
The wetness had decided not to stay in her eyes, and she swiped at her cheek. “You’re right. I just really like her,” she said quietly, then cleared her throat. “It’s been a long time since I trusted somebody, you know?”
“Believe me, I know.” Kiki’s smile was gentle, a reminder that she’d been there through Regan’s last disaster of a relationship with a woman who wouldn’t know faithfulness if it walked up to her on the street and slapped her across the face. “What makes you trust this one? I mean, you’re not in the most ideal of circumstances.”
Regan nodded. “That’s true. And I don’t even know what it is. Maybe it was her owning up to what happened all those years ago and feeling bad about it? I’m not sure.” A sigh. A gaze off toward the window. “All I know is that I’d like to see her after this is all over with. Keep seeing her, I mean.”
“Have you talked about that?”
“Not yet.” Regan shook her head. “I meant to last night, but…” She rolled her lips in and smothered a grin.
