“Well, that’s not on me.” She didn’t quite snap it, but almost. He didn’t respond right away, and she made herself inhale slowly and count to five. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at…others.”
“Cherry.”
“Yes.” She swallowed a sudden lump.And myself, she thought but didn’t say out loud. Something she wasn’t ready to examine. Yet.
“You okay?” Evan could read her like a book, impressive for a guy. Kendra said the same thing about him.
A sigh. “Yeah.”
Evan gave a chuckle. “That’s not anI’m okayyeah. That’s anI’m totally not okay but don’t want to talk about ityeah.”
He was not wrong.
“I don’t think I wanna work forThe 11th Commandmentanymore.” She blurted it, surprising herself.
“What? Seriously?” He was surprised, too.
“Yes, seriously,” she said with a laugh. “I just realized it this very second. I hate them. I hate what they do to people. I mean, I’m okay with them uncovering when companies screw up. But the personal stuff? People having affairs or hiding their sexuality? No. That’s between those people and their loved ones.” She braced, waiting for Evan to lambaste her, but it didn’t happen.
“ThankfuckingGod,” he said instead, and she was so surprised that she barked a laugh.
“Tell me how youreallyfeel,” she said.
“I fucking hate that rag.” Evan’s disgust was clear. “I didn’t say anything because I knew you were excited to get the gig, and you said you could use the money, but yeah. That thing sucks.” She sensed he wasn’t finished, and she was right. “I mean, yeah, it’s terrible that somebody’s getting cheated on, but does it really need to be spread all over the internet? Does it have to negatively impact her career? ’Cause it has, thanks to that piece of crap that calls itself a news outlet.” A horn beeped in the background, and she was reminded that he was driving.
“Please be careful,” she said automatically.
“I have you on speaker. No worries.” There was a beat of silence before he went on, but his voice got noticeably softer, and she had a feeling what was coming. “Don’t you think Cherry would’ve told you eventually?”
Yup. She knew it. “I mean, she had two months, Ev.” There was a definite edge to her voice.
“I know.” And he sighed like he was disappointed in Cherry. Which he should be, right? Heshouldside with Ellis.
What she didn’t tell him was that part of her was second-guessing her choices, her decisions. Not that she didn’t have a right to be upset, because hell yes, she sure did. And there was still definite anger with Cherry. Definite anger. Righteous anger.
But.
Yeah. There was that word.
But.
But she wished she’d handled things differently.
But she wished she hadn’t played a part in the mess that Andi Harding was now submerged in.
But she wished her guilty conscience had shown upbeforeshe’d hit send on the article.
But none of that had happened, and she’d done what she’d done, and there was no taking it back now.
She and Evan finished their conversation and hung up, and Ellis found herself staring out the window instead of finishing up her orders. The staff was gone, the diner was locked up, and still, she sat. The sun was shining, and people milled about in it, soaking it up. The small section of the lake she could see from her seat glittered a cheerful blue, three boats floating across her view. It was summer. It was warm and fun and happy, and she should be outside, laughing and enjoying the weather, not sitting in the empty diner, working late and kicking herself for her poor judgment, wondering what the girl she still really liked was doing, and wanting so badly to text her that she literally had to sit on her hands for several minutes until the urge passed.
Instead of texting Cherry, she wrote up an email toThe 11th Commandmentand thanked them very much for the opportunity but said she couldn’t justify the havoc their stories wreaked on the lives of some people, and she regretted to inform them that she was resigning as one of the staff writers. Then she proofed it, signed it, and sent it.
And just like that, a weight lifted. Well, not all the weight, because the truth was, she carried a ton of it. But some. Some of it lifted.
She sighed and closed her laptop and couldn’t stop her brain from wondering how Cherry was.
She was still wondering later that night as she sat in Michaela’s room and read to her from the new Lisa Scottoline novel she’d downloaded. She started and stopped a few times, her brain trying to handle several topics at once.
