Page 72 of The Shape of You


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God, it was happening so fast. Spencer couldn’t help but feel alittle blindsided. And then she did that thing that most people do when theysee their relationship about to end, when they see their entire life about tochange: she panicked and scrambled. “I can be better. I can. I promise I can.I’ve just been…distracted lately. But I’m better now. I really am. I can fixit. I can work on it.”

Marti slowly shook her head as Spencer babbled. “I don’t want mygirlfriend to have to ‘work on it’ to be with me.” She made air quotes as shespoke.

Spencer opened her mouth to protest more, but something stoppedher. A thought. A realization. Divine intervention. She wasn’t sure, but it wassomething, some feeling. She stayed quiet as unexpected tears suddenly formedand spilled over, coursed down her cheeks. Whether they were from sadness orrelief, she wasn’t sure. Maybe a little of both?

Marti sat up, scooted to the edge of the couch, and turned to faceher. Her voice was gentle, which surprised Spencer. “You don’t want to be here.If you did, you’d have moved boxes in weeks ago.” She took Spencer’s hand inhers, turned it, studied it. “You’re an amazing woman, Spencer, and I’m reallysorry I didn’t make you feel like you are. That’s on me.”

Spencer cleared her throat and stared at their hands for a momentbefore meeting Marti’s eyes. “You’re right,” she said softly, not wanting tocause more pain, but knowing she needed to say it out loud. “I’m not happy.”

“No. And you haven’t been for a very, very long time. I’m not evensure youknowwhat makes you happy.”

The tears were flowing freely now. “Me neither.” But she had anidea…

Marti squeezed Spencer’s hands, and in that moment, Spencer feltcloser to her than she had in months. “Don’t you think you owe it to yourselfto find out?”

Spencer let the question hang in the air, but her brain wasscreaming an answer.God,yes.

* * *

An hour and a half later, Spencer sat in her car in her owndriveway, her back seat empty but her trunk almost full. It had been painfullyobvious as she gathered her things from Marti’s house just how right Marti hadbeen. It had taken less than an hour to pack up the things of hers that shekept at Marti’s. Her jewelry-making stuff, some toiletries, one drawer ofclothes, two pairs of shoes, a jacket, a cookbook, and a coffee mug with WonderWoman on it.

She’d cried. Marti had left, thank God, because Spencer wasfeeling a mix of stupid, humiliated, and devastated. She didn’t want Marti tosee that. More accurately, she was pretty sure Marti didn’t want to see it.They’d hugged. It had been awkward. Then she left to meet her work friends fora drink. Maybe to mourn the loss of her relationship. Maybe to celebrate herfreedom.

It didn’t take more than three trips from the car to her foyer,and Spencer left all her crap in a pile on the floor, too depressed to dealwith it any further.

What the hell had happened?

This was not at all how she’d expected the evening to go. Not atall. As she contemplated this, a little bubble of anger began to well up.

“Seriously?” she said, as she crossed the empty living room andheaded toward the kitchen. “This is what you get for doing the right thing?”There was a half-full bottle of Chardonnay in the fridge, and she pouredherself a glass, carried it back into the living room, and flopped onto thecouch.

Spencer was at a loss.

What did she do now? What was the next logical step? Was thereeven a next step?

She sipped her wine and felt her tears well up.

No, this was not what she’d expected. Her whole life, her entireexistence had just been altered. In a matter of a half hour, everything hadchanged. The year was almost over, and the view she’d had of the upcoming yearhad just been drastically transformed until she didn’t even recognize it. Bynext spring, she was supposed to be married, living in one house instead oftwo, and feeling happy (which, she knew, would not have been the case). Insteadshe would be single, living alone, and feeling…what?

That was the weirdest part of it all: Spencer wasn’t quite surehow to feel, and that scared her more than anything else. If she was good atonly one thing, it was knowing what was expected of her. But right now? How wasshe supposed to feel?

She’d never felt so adrift in her life and it terrified her.

What was she supposed to do now?

* * *

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, woman. What the hell is wrong with you?”Zoe was half joking, a grin on her face and a teasing eye roll to accompany it,but Rebecca also knew she was partly serious. Mostly because she’d askedherself the very same question multiple times.

“I don’t know! Can’t you help me? Please? I’m a danger to myselfand others.” Rebecca sipped her latte and looked around.

Grounded seemed unusually busy for a Wednesday night. Rebecca hadbeen at Nick’s place for a short time, but he was exhausted and Rebecca couldtell that Michelle was, too. So even though she had a few things she wanted togo over with Nick, she left them to get some sleep without her hanging around,staring at them.

Thank God there had been a text from Zoe because Rebecca couldn’tface going home and being alone with her thoughts. Even Veruca Salt had begunto look at her with pity in her green cat eyes.

Stopping forcaffeine. Time to meet up?

Rebecca had arrived first. Zoe had shown up five minutes later onher break.