Sherry was perched on the very edge of her chair, and when Rebeccafinally ventured a glance, she wished she hadn’t. A mix of frustration,disgust, and immense disappointment was splashed all over Sherry’s face.
“Jesus Christ, Rebecca.”
“I know.”
“When did this happen? And, is it a regular thing now?”
“A couple of weeks ago. And no. Just the one time. We talked aboutit and agreed it couldn’t happen again and we’d be friends.”
Sherry nodded, gazing off into space as if she couldn’t bear tolook at Rebecca. Rebecca slumped a bit in her chair. “Well. That’s good, Isuppose.” They sat quietly for what felt like a long time before Sherry seemedto collect herself, sat up a bit as if she’d been bolstered by something.“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
Rebecca shook her head. “It’s fine. I deserved it.”
“No. No, you didn’t, because something else is going on here. Talkto me.” Sherry’s voice had softened. Rebecca knew her friend well. She led withemotion, and then logic and practicality followed quickly after. “Are you inlove with her?” she asked quietly.
“No, I…I don’t think so,” Rebecca said. “I mean, I don’t know herwell enough to be. Right? But…” She searched for the right words. “I can’t seemto get her out of my head. I had this crazy dream last night that I can’t stopreplaying.” She told Sherry about the entire dream, still surprised that sheremembered every detail. When she finished, Sherry sat with wide eyes. “I know,right?”
“Wow.”
“I just…I worry that I’m giving way too much of my energy tosomething I need to just let go of. You know?” She turned to Sherry, lookedintently at her. “But being her friend has become difficult because…I like her.I like her a lot. She’s witty and smart and charming—”
“And taken.”
Rebecca closed her eyes. “Yeah. That, too.”
“Yeah, you did things so backward, girlfriend. You’re supposed toget to know her first,thendecide you like her,thensleep with her.” Another attempt at humor that didn’t go very far. More gently,Sherry asked, “What are you going to do?”
Rebecca sat back in her chair and let out a long, slow breath,like a bike tire losing air. “I know what I should do. And I know what I wantto do. And they are very different things.”
Sherry leaned forward, laid a hand on Rebecca’s shoulder. “I findthat when you’re not sure what to do, the best thing to do is nothing.”
* * *
Spencer had made a decision. It had taken several days and anoverwhelming amount of back and forth, of tears, of frustration, but she’dsettled on a course of action.
“You’re sure this is what you want to do?” Mary Beth had asked heron the phone the night before. To her credit, she did a commendable job keepingher own opinion out of her voice, even though Spencer suspected she didn’tagree.
“Yes. I screwed up in a big way and I need to make up for that. Ineed to stop being so wishy-washy and focus on the life ahead. Marti deservesmy full attention, not my confusion. Not my uncertainty. She’s been nothing butpatient with me, and I messed up. I have to fix that.”
“I’m hearing a lot of ‘I did this’ and ‘She deserves that,’ but Ihaven’t heard you say anything about whatyouwant.”
Spencer knew one thing she wanted: she wanted not to have toexplain any more to her sister, because if anybody could make her waver, makeher swerve back to being unsure, it was Mary Beth, Queen of Logic andPragmatism. “Can you just support me here? Please?” She said it gently, butthere was a pleading tone in there that made Spencer wrinkle her nose withdistaste.
Mary Beth had been quiet for a few beats before saying, “Ofcourse. You’re right. It’s your life, and only you can make these decisions.I’m behind you, no matter what.”
Spencer’s sigh of relief escaped from her lungs in a whoosh muchlouder than she’d intended. “Thanks, M.B. That means a lot to me.”
“You’re my little sister, Spencer. I love you. I just want you tobe happy.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
She had her big sister’s support.
So why did she still feel so alone?
Work had been very busy, and for that, Spencer was grateful. Shedidn’t want to dwell. She’d done enough of that. Not to mention, she had brideclass tonight. Rebecca had canceled Monday’s class but hadn’t said why, andSpencer had toyed with contacting her to make sure she was okay. Reason had wonout, though, and she’d managed not to. Thank God there were only a few classesleft in the program because being around Rebecca after making the decision tofocus on her life with Marti was not something she looked forward to.
“Hey, don’t you need to get going?” Jennifer’s voice yankedSpencer out of the staring off into space she’d done several times that day.She tapped her watch. “It’s five twenty.”
