“When I met your mom, I was fresh out of the academy and waiting on my first assignment. As a rookie, I was expecting to put in some desk duty time. I could’ve never imagined that my first case would send me undercover and forever change the trajectory of my life.” He pulls my hand into both of his. “You were made out of love, Nicolette, and I have so many regrets in life. Mainly accepting that case and leaving you and your mother behind. I was naïve and thought I could continue seeing your mother, but once I got debriefed on the men I would be engaging with, there was no way in hell I was putting your mom in the line of fire. And when she told me she was pregnant with you…” He shuts his eyes tightly, as if recalling a painful memory. “I vowed there and then that no harm would ever come to either of you because of my career aspirations. I kept myself unattached to anyone so there could never be anyone to go after if one of my jobs went sideways. And Adriano, he’s the guy I’ve been after for over thirty years now. He and his family have brought the mob into the twenty-first century and swapped out sketchy warehouses for Fortune 500 companies. Embezzling and laundering more money than God himself could create. And although he and his men wear custom suits, they are still very much the thugs who tormented New York City in the eighties.”
“Adriano Bartoli… he’s my white whale. The person I’ve been collecting evidence on throughout my entire career so I can put him behind bars. So imagine my reaction when I see him less than three feet from my daughter. The same daughter I haven’t allowed myself to meet in person for all these years. The one whose graduations and major life events I’ve had to witness from the back of crowded auditoriums.”
It isn’t until I feel a tear hit my bare thigh that I realize I’m crying. “You were at my graduations?” I whisper. My father just dropped a bomb on my lap, yet all my heart can latch on to is that nugget of information. That my dad tried, that he was there in any way he could be. That I was made out of love and not an inconvenience.
My dad smiles sadly. “I was there for your prom too. Had to make sure your date didn’t think that just because your dad wasn’t around, he could get handsy with you. Although I must say I wasn’t impressed with you sneaking vodka into the venue.” He gives me a fake scolding look.
Tony unwraps his arm from my shoulders and rests his hand on my knee. “So you flew down because you thought your cover was blown?”
“No. My undercover work is long behind me, and I was pulled before I ever got to work with Adriano. But in my line of work, there are no such things as coincidences, so I came down to see if there was something we may have missed. I was in your room checking for bugs or any other devices he may have had planted. He’s known for being paranoid. I didn’t know if you guys had interacted with him, so I wanted to make sure that you weren’t on his radar.”
“But you’re a fed. You don’t have any jurisdiction here,” Tony points out.
“Well, then, I guess you can say I’m here as a father.” He releases my hand. “Although that angry Russian at the front desk doesn’t need to know that. He still let me cruise through here after I showed him my badge.”
Tony pulls out his phone and starts typing ferociously. “I’ve heard enough. I’m booking us a flight out of here ASAP.”
My dad waves him off. “No need. After I landed, a buddy of mine got a tip that he’s been spotted in Miami as of this morning. He never stays put in one spot for long, and I’m surprised that he even risked coming here and having his presence linked to this resort, given that it’s his main money laundering project. Trust me, if I thought for a second that Nikki was in danger, I would fly the plane out myself.”
I rub my temples as I try to absorb the information overload. “So what now?”
“Now I fly back to Quantico and touch base with my team. Him coming here was a deviation from the norm, and it must mean something. We’ve been waiting for him to slip up and provide us with something to go off, and the key might be this place.” He looks at Tony. “Besides, seems like you have your own personal bodyguard. Don’t think I could come up with a better protective detail if I tried.”
Tony grunts.
My dad sighs. “Look, clearly, I’m not winning any father-of-the-year award anytime soon, but I did what I thought was necessary to keep the women I love most safe. I can’t imagine you would understand the pain of having to love someone from afar.”
“I understand more than you know,” Tony says while looking straight at me.
Love.
Oh God. Last night, he mentioned that he had fallen in love with me on the night we first met, but what about now?
My brain is mush, and the two men sitting with me are the ones to blame. Before I can shoot off any more questions, my father stands. “I’ve got to get back, but I’ll keep you in the loop, Nikki.” He pulls me up and wraps me in his arms.
At first, I stand frozen, realizing that my father is hugging me for the first time in my entire life. The physical touch is enough to snap whatever hold I had on my sanity. I hug him around his middle and don’t even try to stop my sobs from breaking free. He tightens his hold around my shoulders as I fill his shirt with my tears, my body shuddering with the intensity of my cries. My father rubs my back silently as I unleash a lifetime of grief. Once the tears have slowed, I back out of his arms, only to see that he too was crying. His face is flushed and his eyes are red-rimmed.
Before my vision threatens to blur again, Tony pulls me into his side while putting his hand out for my dad to shake. “I’ll take good care of her, I promise.”
“My daughter has never needed rescuing. She’s had to be her own damn hero throughout her life. But it’s nice to see that you’ve joined her along for the ride.” They shake hands, and we walk my dad to the door, but not before he pulls me in for another tear-jerking hug.
Once he’s gone, Tony is guiding me toward the stairs, then up to the shower. “Tony, I don’t—”
“I just want to hold you, Nikki. Please let me take care of you,” he says softly. I relent and nod silently.
Tony pulls us into the warm shower with our bathing suits on. Once I’m under the soothing spray, I break down again. And as promised, Tony is there to take care of me.
I cry for the little girl who had to grow up thinking she was never wanted.
I cry for my mom, who lost the only man she’s ever truly loved.
I cry for my father. Because he missed out on what could have been a beautiful life with us.
All these years, I stayed away from love, placing the blame for ruined lives on that emotion. And now I see that love wasn’t at fault, but rather the lack of love. How different would my family’s life have been if we could have loved on one another a little harder or communicated a little better?
What if.
What if.
