Evan looks down at the drink in his hand and swirls the tequila gracefully. “A drunk little birdie recently told me that I was your first crush. And according tofirst crush rules, that means that there will always be a teeny tiny special place in your heart for me. So I fully intend on figuring out what it was about me that made you fall, for the very first time in your life may I add, and remind you of all the reasons why you should take a chance on me.”
I grab a decorative pillow and push it against my face while groaning. “Me and my big stupid mouth. Why did I tell you that? You weren’t supposed to remember. Weren’t you too busy staring at my ass or something?” I lament.
Within a second, Evan is moving the pillow off my face and leaning in close. “I’m a multitasker babe. Another reason to love me.” He gives me a chaste kiss on the forehead and stands up quickly to move to the kitchen. “I’m heating up some brownies, any preference on ice cream?” he asks as he reaches for the freezer door.
“Now you’re just playing plain dirty, Evan Cooper,” I say as I throw the decorative pillow towards the kitchen, but it meekly lands a few feet away from the couch.
He comes back and hands me a deep bowl with a warm brownie and two massive scoops of ice cream, one dulce de leche and the other cookies and cream. He nailed it.
“I’ve been meaning to ask, why do you call me by my full name sometimes?” he says as he takes a seat next to me.
I smile and make him wait for my response by taking the perfect spoonful of ice cream and brownie. “Uhhhh oh my God this is so good,” I moaned.
“Amelia, please answer the question. And for the love of God never make that noise again unless trying to send me to an early grave,” he says lightheartedly.
I playfully roll my eyes. “Truthfully, I think it has a little something to do with you being my first crush. It’s almost like being a celebrity in the sense that you call them by their whole name, and they’re unattainable to you.” I risk a glance in his direction and see that he’s about to say something, so I continue before he can. “Besides, I guess I’ve just always liked how your name sounded like you're a made up character. And maybe you are. You do seem too good to be true.” I elbow his side. “No but seriously, I usually say your full name if I’m teasing you or if I’m pissed at you. There is no better way to gauge how mad a Dominican mother is at you than by hearing her yell your entire government name. You’re just Evan Cooper, so sometimes I call you Evan Fucking Cooper to give you some extra pizazz,” I say with jazz hands.
Evan erupts with laughter, then leans in to give me a soft kiss on the side of my head. “You’re insane, babe.”
I shrug and take another huge spoonful of ice cream. “Yeah, I know. Maybe that’s why I’m almost thirty and still single,” I say as a joke, one that clearly doesn’t land for Evan.
“Or maybe you just weren’t with the right person,” he says seriously.
“Well, duh! I would hope my person wouldn’t be someone who cheats on me. Unfortunately, the cheating ex-boyfriend list runs long.” I wave my spoon in the air.
“So you mean to tell me there’s another idiot besides Sebastián that messed up the best damn thing to ever happen to them?” he asks.
“Oh yeah. Maybe one or two relationships I was in just ‘ran its course’ and ended mutually. But everyone else, big fat cheaters.”
“You’re being serious right now?” he asks, stunned by my confession.
“Evan. I even got cheated on by a college boyfriend who was a devout Jehovah’s Witness. He ruined Puerto Rican men for me. Spare me the jokes, I’ve heard them all.” I grimace.
Evan’s mouth turns into a frown and his eyebrows furrowed together.
“Listen, I’m not asking for sympathy, so you can stop looking at me like that. I can honestly look back at those relationships and laugh about it now. Although a broken engagement… Sebastián… yeah that might take me a minute to bounce back from.” I half smiled. “Oh, and the kicker is I even have the most perfect wedding dress. Glad I didn’t waste it on him.”
“You should burn it,” he says dryly.
“No! I can’t!” I shout. I see Evan’s confused reaction, so I continue. “My mom and I went wedding dress shopping before she passed. Before Sebastián. So that dress has more sentimental value than any other dress I could buy at a store tomorrow. So yeah, never burning it. Even if I never get married, I guess they’ll just have to bury me in it,” I say as I stab a piece of brownie with my spoon.
Evan’s eyes warm to the mention of my mother, and nods in understanding.
“What was different about him? Why was he the person you decided to say yes to, to marry?” Evan asks gruffly.
When did this conversation turn into a therapy session?
“Sebastián and I just fit. Everything seemed easy at first. Our families loved each other, he was Dominican, very attentive to me and my feelings. There was that bond of being with someone in the medical field too, I guess. I knew all the struggles my mom went through as a physician’s wife and knew all the stories about sticking it out throughout the hard times when he’s busy doing his residency or fellowship.” I bow my head because I can’t muster the courage to look at Evan while talking about Sebastián. “I mean, hindsight is 20/20. Now I know that those struggles we went through towards the end had nothing to do about me being a supportive partner, and more about the fact that he was sleeping with my coworker.” I wince. Guess it still stings. “He also happened to be … my first.”
“First?” Evan ventures.
“You know, my first. Deflowered me, popped my cherry, took my v card. Whatever you wanna call it. It happened years before we ever started dating while I was a freshman in college. It was stupid, but I just didn’t want to be a virgin anymore, and he seemed like a safe first. We reconnected through a family friend a few years ago and he awkwardly asked me out. At the time my idiot brain saw it as a cute full circle moment that he could potentially be the man who was my first and last. But that was before our merry go round of breakups and makeups.”
I continue, “I now know that I should never have called him when my mother passed and picked up where we left off. I was using him as a crutch. I really wish I would have never gone back and made such a mess of everything,” I say as I rub my hand back and forth on my forehead, as if I could in that moment magically erase the memories of Sebastián. “He was the last person I dated before my mom died. She wavered in her feelings about him every time we broke up, but she always made a point to say that he was a good man, but just had a little bit of growing up to do. I have memories of them together, of them laughing and dancing. I think I clung onto him at the end because I wanted to marry someone my mother knew, someone she approved of. Now that she’s gone, I’m left without her seal of approval. I feel like I’ll always be second guessing if I’m picking the right person to be with now, because I’ve always had my mom guide me through life. My mother will never know my husband and that is a gut-wrenching feeling.” I take a couple of calming breaths. “But enough about my mom and Sebastián, please. I’ll spill my guts about anything else, but I really don’t want to go down that rabbit hole. That’s what I pay my therapist Kelly for.” I smile tightly.
I stare into my melted bowl of ice cream and soggy brownie as the silence between us starts to get awkward. I’m frantically thinking of how I can pivot this conversation into happier territory when Evan finally speaks up.
“Amelia.”
