“Yes, I did.” She clutched my hand in hers. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I think…” I whispered, barely audible, “I’m broken.”
Ben leaned closer, like he hadn’t quite heard me. “What was that?”
“I broke a little last night,” I said, louder this time. “Tore has kids.”
Shira sucked in a breath. “That’s…a surprise.”
Ben looked back and forth between us. “Wait. Who’s Tore?”
“My boyfriend.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I don’t know if he’s still my boyfriend.”
“Wait.” He leaned around me to look at Shira. “Did you know she has a boyfriend?”
“Of course,” she replied.
He huffed. “Why am I the last to know? I’m hurt, Buzz.”
“His name is Tore.” I pressed the heel of my hand into my eye. “Salvatore Gallo. He lives across the street and is the guardian of his sister’s three kids. You met Scarlet. She’s his oldest. But I only found that out last night.”
I sucked in a deep breath. There was so much to explain, but I didn’t want to talk about Tore. He might have kicked up the dirt covering the grave of my grief, but he hadn’t been the one to dig it in the first place.
Thewords tumbled out. About my mom. About the day she made me leave for good. About how small and ashamed I’d felt. How angry I still was. How I hated myself for feeling even an inkling of relief over no longer being responsible for my siblings. How Tore’s kids had brought everything back like it had happened yesterday.
Ben leaned his solid weight against me. “Bea…”
“I don’t let myself think about them.” My hands clenched into fists on my lap. “They were my babies.Mine. And I lost them. My mom took them away from me. And made me feel like it wasmyfault, like I was the bad one for wanting my own life. It killed me not to be with them. I ached and ached and ached. Spent so many sleepless nights worrying who was taking care of them. It got so bad, I could barely function. I was only eighteen. Still a kid myself. I didn’t know what else to do, so I buried it. I buriedthem.”
Ben was quiet. Thoughtful. He didn’t rush in to try to fix everything, and I loved him for that. Some things couldn’t be fixed.
He just said, “Damn. I had no idea. That’s a lot, Buzz. You’ve been carrying that around all this time and still manage to function like a semi-responsible adult? You might actually be a superhero.”
A breath escaped me that wasn’t quite a laugh but wasn’t a sob either. “Didn’t you hear the part about me burying my feelings? I’m not sure that’s functioning.”
Shira wrapped her arms around me. “That was too much for one girl to hold alone. You were never supposed to carry it all by yourself.”
I blinked at her, my lashes wet, my throat raw. “He has kids, Shira. I can’t—I don’t…I don’tdokids. Not anymore.”
Ben’s brow dipped low over his worried eyes. “But you love kids. You’re Aunt Bea.”
“I don’t do kids,” I whispered. “I can’t, Benny.”
Shira laid her head on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry you lost your babies, Bea. I can only imagine how deeply that scarred you. If you’d rather I not bring Jonah around—”
I stiffened. “Don’t even say it.”
“Okay.” She laughed softly. “I only want to make sure you’re okay being around him.”
“Of course I am. I love him.”
Ben patted my knee. “But you don’tdokids, right?”
“Shut up,” I grumbled, swatting his hand away. “You’re not smart, and you’re definitely not right.”
Another light knock on my door alerted Benjamin. He trotted over as Roman stepped inside with baby Jonah in his arms.
Even in these circumstances, it was slightly disconcerting to see Roman and Ben in the same room. Their faces were identical. The only difference was Ben wore athletic gear most of the time, and his curls were wild. While Roman kept his tame and was most often in suits, like he was now.
