I return to the Unlucky in Love Travel Club. They need a truthful explanation too. My mind is firmly on Jasper and what he’s going to make of what I have to say. Back in the bar carriage they’re still sitting in the booth, eyes bright as if the speculation has run wild. I don’t blame them. A man has come back from the dead; it must be a shock.
‘Can I have a word, Jasper?’ His mouth is a tight line but he nods. We go to the relative quiet of the library carriage.
‘I’m sorry I lied,’ I say bluntly.
His eyes are ablaze. ‘I might have downplayed how I felt about the end of my marriage, Aubrey, but I don’t like being lied to. Maybe I should have been more honest about that. Trust is a really big deal to me.’
I take his hand and lead him to a sofa. He quickly unlatches his palm from mine. ‘I know you downplayed it; I could still see the hurt in your eyes. But you see, I sort of did the same thing. I didn’t want to be known as the jilted bride and I made up a story to save face and, well, it snowballed. Dramatically. And for that, I am truly apologetic.’
‘I’m hurt you kept it from me. It’s such a big thing to keep hidden.’
‘Well, at first, you were just another passenger, Jasper. I didn’t know things were going to evolve the way they have. Miles made the choice on the wedding day to leave – and I know now that it was the right choice. Whatever you decide, you have to know I can’t go back to him, and not because Miles made the choice to leave the church, or because he and I fundamentally want different things, but also because now… well, I’ve met you. And how can I be with him whenyouexist in this world? Even if you don’t want to be with me… I can’t be with anyone else. I’ve never felt this way before. Whatever this is, I want to give myself up to it, explore what might be, which might sound mad after a handful of days – but a day on the Winter Wonderland Express feels like a week – and that’s what’s in my heart. Our paths crossed for a reason, Jasper, so I’ll leave it up to you.’ My heart bongoes hard against my ribs but I’m glad I said my piece, said my truth. It’s not like me to be so open with my feelings this early on, but if I don’t speak up, I will lose Jasper. I might lose him anyway.
I wait for him to tell me no. That I’m rushing things. That I’m imagining this mad off-the-chain chemistry between us. And he doesn’t say a word. Instead, he gently cups my face and kisses me. The kind of kiss that lights up my heart and makes me long for more.
‘I’ve never felt like this before either. I swear my heart broke when I heard you utter his name – I had that overwhelming feeling that I’d lost you before we’d even begun. And all I know is, this… relationship might be in its infancy, but I already know I don’t want to let you go, Aubrey.’
* * *
When we return to the bar, I’m surprised to find Miles is relaxing among the Unlucky in Love Travel Club after he’d asked me to give him some time alone in the cabin when I told him it was over between us.
He’s usually so standoffish around people he doesn’t know. Maybe that’s a testament to the group and how friendly they are, or in Princess’s case, downright nosy. ‘And then what happened?’
‘Then I’m sure her sister, Rox, tried to poison me!’
Big yikes.
‘Wait, it was her sister who laced your meal with death cap mushrooms?’ Princess looks to me for confirmation. I quickly shake my head.
Miles frowns. ‘Mushrooms?’
‘There was no sinkhole?’ CJ asks.
‘He didn’t plummet to his death down the gap?’ pipes up Sabrina, who is pretending to work behind the bar while listening in.
Igor, who sits at the booth behind, turns around and says, ‘You weren’t struck by lightning. Twice?’
‘What?’ Miles asks, face flushed.
I manage to stem giggles, but I have some explaining to do. ‘No, Miles didn’t fall down the gap like I told you, Sabrina. I’m sorry I lied. I just… felt put on the spot. I blurted that and then his fictional death took on a life of its own. I did try and tell you all he wasn’t really dead but that backfired too.’
‘She did. Many times,’ Karen says, giving me a supportive smile.
‘So why lie?’ CJ asks.
‘The truth is…’ I go on to explain what happened, and Miles jumps in and shares his side of things, opening up about how his panic attacks have hampered him and that he then escaped and hoped it would all go away if he hid out long enough.
Miles averts his gaze. ‘I… I was an idiot. But like Aubrey has reminded me, I’m a homebody and she is not. Aubrey’s the sort of person who’s happiest when she’s learning a few words in another language, and I break out in a cold sweat even holding my passport.’ He’s handling the official break-up rather well, which only convinces me that we weren’t right for each other except as friends. Sometimes the old high-school crush should remain just that – a crush.
Jasper steps forward, eye to eye with Miles. ‘I can’t believe you left her there.’ There’s a fragility to Jasper’s voice that breaks my heart. As if he’s able to put himself in my shoes that terrible day and understand how truly awful it felt. How humiliating. ‘And then you cut contact.’
Miles blushes. ‘I’ll regret my actions that day for the rest of my life, probably. I didn’t handle it well – and Aubrey suffered for it. I truly am sorry.’
‘I’m sorry too.’ I give him a half smile. There’s no question I feel lighter, as if I’ve made the right choice – now, at any rate. And if not for Miles having panicked and run, I’d have gone through with the wedding when deep down I knew it wasn’t right.
It’s sweet to see Jasper’s protective instinct is alive and well. The man has a deep well of empathy that feels so very special. Even as he gives Miles a bit of a telling off for ghosting me, it’s done in a non-threatening way, that even my former flame admits he was in the wrong. But honestly, it was both of us feeling unsure but not wanting to hurt the other.
Miles clears his throat. ‘Well, I might be unlucky in love, but staying on board will be far too awkward. I should be able to get a last-minute flight home and spend Christmas with Leo, who is a bit over me at the moment too.’