‘OK, this tracks. I suppose it would be too much to hope you dragged him back to your room and ripped all of his clothes off.’ Her voice is laced with disappointment.
‘You suppose right.’
‘And what will you do now? Maybe you can progress to handholding later this evening!’
I roll my eyes with dramatic flair. ‘Not funny.’
‘I mean it, are you going to pursue this… whatever it is? Festive fling? Holiday hook-up?’
I laugh and manage to choke on thin air. ‘No! The timing couldn’t be worse. I’m obviously not in the best frame of mind for this to go any further.’ But she makes a good point. If we did hook up, it would likely go the way of most holiday romances – burn hot like fire then fizzle out, and who needs that?
‘But you kissed! Oh… was it bad?’
Lie or not, that is the question. With her bloodhound senses she’ll sniff out an untruth. ‘The kiss itself was glorious, as much as a peck can be glorious. I swear to God, the earth shook and that’s exactly why I’ll have to pretend it never happened. Not until I have closure and I’ve processed the Miles debacle. Now, the news?’
‘Urgh! That’s some peck! Fine, this might help. The news is that the snivelling snake in the grass Miles has resurfaced, but only to pack more of his things and leave again like the massive baby he is.’
‘Leave to where?’ What is he playing at?
Rox shrugs. ‘Worst man Leo wouldn’t elaborate, despite my many threats of violence. He’s either growing immune to my charms or he really doesn’t know; those two are as thick as thieves, so it’s probably the former. Now he’s gone AWOL too, unless he’s just not answering the door. According to my source, his curtain twitcher of a neighbour Sandy – who is delighting a little too much in her mission of spying for me – Miles packed two big suitcases as if he plans on being away for a while.’
‘But where would he go? He works in the village.’ Miles is the sports teacher at the local high school. School is out for the Christmas break, but that’s only a couple of weeks in total.
‘Not sure, unless he’s planning to live elsewhere until this dies down and commuting when school goes back? I wouldn’t put it past him.’
‘Hmm. Did she say how he looked? Like, was there any sign that he’s suffered some sort of… medical problem?’
It’s not that I don’t get the most likely case is that Miles got cold feet and is now embarrassed, it’s that I want to be sure it’s not anything else seriously wrong that he’s too upset to share with me. After everything, I’d still like to hear him out. Both of us deserve that. Tie that box up with a nice little bow and put it at the back of the cupboard where I’ll never see it again.
Rox scoffs. ‘Sandy said he looked the same as usual, fit and healthy and even shared a laugh or two with Leo as he helped him load his stuff into the car.’
I suppose any crisis of the mind may not be physically obvious, but I don’t share that with Rox, because she’ll shut that line of enquiry down before I get a full sentence out.
‘Thanks for letting me know. I’ll try calling him again.’
‘Why bother?’ Rox screws up her face.
Isn’t it obvious? ‘I want to know why. It’s driving me mad wondering. You can’t just ghost a person when you were set to marry them. Surely there’s an unwritten rule about that, at the very least.’
‘Yeah.’ She lets out a long exhale. ‘You don’t see it, do you?’
‘See what?’
‘Miles realised he couldn’t control you, not the way he wants to.’
Was he controlling? I think back on our relationship. There were times when Miles put his foot down and I acquiesced. But wasn’t that just the give and take you’d expect from a couple, both willing to compromise every now and then, to be fair and keep the peace?
‘I’m not so sure?’ I’d been a little miffed when he didn’t want any part of the wedding planning, but then he’d stepped in last minute and wanted the venue changed and the guest list expanded. Was that controlling, or just living out his idea of a dream wedding? It felt strange at the time, changing from an intimate wedding to an extravaganza, but I’d been so happy he’d finally taken an interest that I agreed, even though I didn’t particularly want that. Is Rox right that it was some kind of power play to see if I’d cave to his demands?
There are other instances I flip through, but I’m not sure I’d label them as controlling. Not moving in together struck me as odd, but he’d wanted to wait until after the wedding, and I stayed at his place most nights anyway, so it didn’t really matter.
It worried me a little that Miles acted more ambivalent, almost apathetic at the end – which I’d put down to wedding jitters, as I felt that nervousness too, especially once the guest list blew up.
And I admit, I tend to put my job first, because my work is all commission based, so if I don’t put in the hard slog, I don’t get paid. I’m used to hustling for every penny and I get a real thrill from helping my clients plan the perfect holiday – I live those holidays vicariously through them and I go the extra mile to make sure they have an unforgettable experience. I work in busy bursts, because I often take a month here and there for my own personal travel experiences.
‘A few weeks before the wedding day, Miles asked me to pare back my work once we were married.’ Why didn’t that ring alarm bells?
Rox gasps. ‘What did you say to that?’
