Lex collapses beside me, draping an arm around my waist and tugging me close. He buries his face against my neck and breathes me in. Inhale, exhale. Deep and shaky. As his lips linger near my jaw, he angles my face toward him with his other hand until our eyes are a few centimeters apart.
I see his shadows lurking. The war within his mind—battlegrounds andcombat zones, me on one side of the jagged line and him on the other. No white flags. No place for surrender.
Reaching for his hand, I place it against the center of my chest.
The alcohol glaze fades from his eyes as he glances down at his fingers dusting over my heartbeats, my metronome, a pendulum of raw wounds and fragile purpose.
I can’t help myself.
I lean in and kiss him.
It’s not meant to be more than a touch of solace, a sedative, but I should know better. There’s too much between us, too many feelings brewing, a storm waiting to break.
His mouth opens on a soft moan, tongue slipping inside, warm and hot, peppermint and bourbon. Everything dissolves. The heartache, the fear, the missed turns and foggy future. My tongue slides against his, slow, intimate, all-consuming. My arms wrap around his shoulder blades, hands gripping his black T-shirt, our mouths angling, fighting for dominance.
He palms my breast through my tank top.
“Lex, we shouldn’t…” I gasp out, breaking away. “You’ve been drinking.”
I’ll regret this tomorrow when he retreats again, when he hides inside himself and holds me just out of reach.
More importantly, I don’t want him to regret it either.
He stares at me, understanding gleaming in his gaze before he nods. I lower his cheek to my chest and glide my fingers through his hair.
A tear slides loose.
And a single question brews in the back of my mind, swelling to a peak. It breaks through the levee, a violent flood, pouring out before I can stop it. “Why did you leave after the accident?”
Time stops as I wait.
Lex inhales a deep breath and lets it out through his nose, the warmth seeping through my cotton tank. “Didn’t have a choice,” he says, his voice low and groggy, his mind faraway. “Needed to protect you.”
I frown, staring down at him with wide eyes. “Protect me from what?”
“Me. Everything.”
“Lex…” I press a hand to his shoulder. “I don’t understand.”
“The DUI.” He pulls away and collapses beside me on the bed, turning and rolling over. “My father took care of it. He’s a lawyer…”
A breath lodges as my pulse jumps.
I lean over him, dusting my palm along his hairline and stroking back his bangs with the pad of my thumb. “What do you mean?”
“He took care of it. I made him do it,” he mumbles, the potent elixir of alcohol and deep sleep stealing him from me. “Was the only way…”
Before he passes out, he whispers one more thing as I press my forehead to his temple and squeeze my eyes shut, warm tears spilling down my cheeks.
“All he needed was my soul.”
Chapter 38
Lex
I’m sitting at the piano the next morning, but I’m not playing it.
No music spills from the soundboard. No hammers striking strings. I just sit on the wooden bench, my hands resting on my thighs, as my chest inflates and contracts with tired breaths. My thoughts feel distant, my eyes at half-mast. The sky is a canvas of pencil-sketch clouds, swirling outside the sprawl of windows surrounding the room as an autumn gloom hangs over the city.
