I can’t do this ever again.
Zahra, sweet, exhausted, gray-eyed child.
Genni loads her back up in her vehicle.She drives us to our destination, stands watch as I work the key, pop open the front door.
A final wave.
I can tell Genni’s trying to hold strong.It’s easier to fight for yourself than to fear for others.
We can’t linger, however, which might risk drawing attention.
Genni departs as quickly as she arrived.
And I carry Zahra’s disoriented, half-conscious form over the threshold of her family’s apartment.Full circle.At least tomorrow, the girl will wake up in her own bed, even if it’s to a world that will never be the same again.
I will have to tell her about her mother.Her father.Aliah.Daryl.How do I find those words?Good news, four-year-old kid who remembers everything.You’re still alive.Everyone you love, however…
And where do we go from here?
I don’t have the answers.My cheeks hurt.
I tuck Zahra into bed.Her eyes open wide, peer deep into mine.She doesn’t ask about anything or anyone.Her hand reaches out.Very lightly, she touches the bandages on my face.
And I swear, in that moment, she knows everything.
Zahra closes her eyes, rolls onto her side, curls into a ball.
I gently close her bedroom door, then take up position on the sofa.
All I want to do is sleep.Close my eyes, let the world, and all my failings, drift away.Instead, I will myself to stay awake.I must stand guard.It’s the least Zahra deserves.
Just in time for the front door to burst open.
Spymaster Lilla strides brazenly into the Ahmadis’ apartment.And she is not alone.
IT TAKES MEat least a minute.If not two or three.Because I’m not an international woman of mystery, and in my world, people who die generally stay dead.
But now:
Lilla, Sabera, and Dr.Richard.
I say what first pops into my head.“Thank God.And I fucking hate all of you!”
Lilla positively beams.Sabera and Dr.Richard at least appear chagrined.
I don’t have the patience.
“I took a dagger for you and am doing everything in my power to protect your child.Start talking, and don’t stop till I’m fully satisfied.”
“Habib found me,” Sabera begins apologetically.“And if he knows, others know.”
“The key is still alive and now resides in Tucson.”I’m almost this smart.
“They won’t stop,” Lilla agrees seriously.“This would be the beginning, not the end.”
“Unless you’re dead.And in fact, there are witnesses to your death.”
Sabera shrugs uncomfortably.Dr.Richard has a hand on her shoulder.“Not our first choice,” he provides.“But given the options…”
