Jane had seen Julie Robin sing in a few movies, but apart from that, had never really listened to her. Now, she focused on Julie’s voice: it was warm and soft, the slight crackles from the stylus gliding along the vinyl making it almost tactile. The arrangements were lush, with lots of violins and woodwinds, but nothing overshadowed her voice. There was no auto-tuning, no layering, no production tricks. Julie inhabited the lyrics in a way that made old standards that Jane had thought were cloying and corny suddenly seem profound.
For some reason, it was an up-tempo Gershwin song, “That Certain Feeling,” that pierced Jane to the core:
That certain feeling
The first time I met you
I hit the ceiling
I could not forget you
You were completely sweet
Oh, what could I do?
Julie’s vocal line glided above then intertwined with the gentle, swinging rhythm. She sounded flirty, taunting, wry, wistful.
It was corny yet it was perfect, and Jane realized even if she hadn’t gotten the response she’d hoped for, she was still glad that she had told Teddy she wanted him to stay.
Chapter Fourteen
Kelsey, Once More
Jane woke up feeling optimistic. It was discomfiting; it was delightful. Maybe things weren’t working out as she’d planned, but she was changing, and that had been her goal, hadn’t it? She felt open-hearted, open-armed. Chasing happiness was a fool’s errand. What she needed to strive for—no, not strive for, that was too strenuous—what she should seek was satisfaction. Which was sort of like low-key happiness. Which could, perhaps, be the foundation for full-blown happiness. Should she dare to dream? The realist in her said “no,” while the romantic in her said “yes.”
She had spent a lot of time after her dinner date with Teddy trying to figure out what he meant when he told her “maybe it’s too late.” It’d been almost a week, and they had still not seen each other. Jane was being careful about giving him space to do whatever thinking and planning he needed to do. They were texting, but Teddy wasn’t forthcoming, and Jane wasn’t going to pry. Their exchanges were friendly but felt perfunctory. Shewould reread every text before she sent it, to make sure she didn’t sound like she was being petulant or distant.
TEDDY:Hey J. Thanks for dinner last night, you did not have to treat but I very much appreciate that, and you. Hugs
JANE:Hey T. My pleasure. Always. xo
TEDDY:Hey J. Sorry, in the weeds with a bunch of things but we’ll catch up soon, k?
JANE:Yes, of course, Teddy. You know where to find me.
Anna told her hanging back was absolutely the right thing to do. “Let him figure his shit out on his own time.” Without any prompting, Anna had done some due diligence to find out if Teddy’s ludicrously young sommelier was still in the picture, and Keith reported that she was not.
“Keith is so easy to get information out of, it’s almost pathetic. I FaceTimed to make it quasi-intimate, and he totally spilled, open book.”
Anna, who’d started seeing a lot of the dog trainer, told Jane that it was eye-opening. Dog training principles applied to humans, too: be firm, never ask for something more than once, don’t reward bad behavior by giving attention, but make sure to reward good behavior with a treat. Anna and the dog trainer had nurtured this idea into an intimate inside joke—each was training the other to be their ideal companion.
“I don’t want to train Teddy. Because then it’s a project. He definitely doesn’t want that. And I don’t want that, either. I guess I’ve realized that, all in all, he is a pretty great guy.”
Anna said, “Yes, he’s a sweetheart! And it’ll be so good forhim to get some distance from Keith—them together is so stunting! All I’m saying is, try to chill while Teddy figures out what he wants. You’ve said what you wanted to say. It’s like when you’re training a dog, you don’t ever go chasing after it. It has to come to you.”
That was the consensus of everyone with whom she discussed the situation. Jane had astonished herself by soliciting advice from a surprised and very flattered Lindsey.
“Guys are actually really simple in some ways,” Lindsey offered. “It’s never hard to tell what’s on Jesús’s mind. I’m sure Teddy totally heard you when you asked him to stay. But guys like to feel like things are their idea. Even the sensitive ones who genuinely like women. I wasn’t sure how Jesús would react when I proposed, and that’s why it took him a minute—he was so disoriented. But he is getting more and more excited, so...”
“That’s great, Lindsey, I’m so happy for you.”
“He still hasn’t come up with a ring, but I know he will. I’m not asking him about it so he can surprise me. Anyway, I don’t know what else you can say to Teddy. The ball is totally in his court.”
Jane even discussed her predicament with Esmé, whom she had texted. To her great surprise, Esmé seemed very eager to meet up—a rare instance of the social nicety “let’s have a drink sometime” actually converting into a real plan.
Jane almost didn’t recognize Esmé when she walked into the restaurant. She wasn’t wearing a mock turtleneck or jeans and, most jarringly, her hair was down. Un-ponytailed, Esmé seemed softer, less officious, less bossy boots. She told Jane she was thriving in her new social media management job. In fact, Esmé thought Jane would also thrive at the company—which was growing reallyreally fast—if she ever wanted to change jobs. Though flattered, Jane demurred. Too many other things in her life were in flux.
Jane learned that Esmé was married (something that somehow she didn’t know) to a woman (something else that somehow she didn’t know).
