Page 108 of Red Card


Font Size:

Instead of being pissed off and holding on to resentment, I’m going to try to move forward. In part because I’m not letting that arsehole win. This is exactly what he wanted, and the biggest fuck you I can give to a piece of shit like him is to rise above it. To make sure he knows that he hasn’t broken me, and he doesn’t get the satisfaction of knowing he succeeded in his fucked-up plan. He’s the one who’s going to sit in jail until his mum bails him out.

When Coach called this morning and asked me to meet him at his office, I could hear the remorse in his tone. I could tell he was being authentic, and I know all this is a fucked-up spot for him to be in. He did what he had to do as a coach.

Didn’t make it fucking suck any less though.

I woke Rory up and told her I was headed to the pitch. She insisted on coming and would hang out with the guys until the meeting was over.

Now here I am. Ready to walk into the meeting that’s going to decide what happens with my future at Prescott.

My knuckles tap lightly against Coach’s door. His gaze raises to meet mine as he lifts his hand and gestures me in with a wave.

“Cillian.”

I nod. “Coach.”

“Thank you for coming in. I met with the dean and the president of Prescott this morning,” he says, reaching for the folder infront of him and opening it. A few sheets of paper sit inside with the Prescott University letterhead printed boldly at the top. He flips the top piece around, sliding it across the desk toward me. “This is your official reinstatement to the team and Prescott. Ezra has obviously been suspended from the team until a full investigation happens. The disciplinary committee will decide next steps, but I do know that he has been arrested and is going to be formally charged. I’m sure the police department will be reaching out to you soon with questions, and to take your statement. That’s what I know as of now and Cillian, again… I’m sorry.”

Sincerity shines in his eyes and he frowns, shaking his head. “It’s not enough, but I am sorry. It’s your decision if you’d like to come back to the team, and I can’t say I blame you if you decided not to. But I want you to know that you earned the spot on my team, and I want you here, son. And clearly your teammates want you here too.”

A strange sense of relief floods my chest as his words wash over me. Logically, I knew I’d be reinstated to the team because I hadn’t done anything wrong, but hearing it brings more relief than I thought it would.

This team was supposed to be a temporary stop toward my future, but everything changed along the way. In huge part because of Coach’s daughter. I can’t imagine walking away from her. I can’t imagine leaving her behind.

And now? I don’t have to leave my team behind. My friends. Prescott as a whole.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t recognize what was happening between the two of you. If I would’ve, I would’ve taken care of it from the start. I would’ve never allowed it to get this far. I’m sorry for that.I’m disappointed in what’s happened, but nothing like the disappointment I’ll be facing if you don’t come back, Cillian. What do you say? Will you rejoin the team?”

For a second, I say nothing, letting the silence hang between us.

“I will. I just need you to know that I understand why you drug-tested me, and that it was hard for you to believe that I wasn’t lying when the test showed positive. But I also need you to know that I’m not that guy anymore, Coach. And I’ve worked my arse off to be someone that I’m proud of. I don’t want that to hang over my head anymore. All I want to do is leave my mistakes in the past and move forward.”

Coach nods, understanding flitting through his gaze.

At first, all I wanted was to get in and get out, so the irony isn’t lost on me that somewhere along the way, my plans changed.Ichanged.

The future I want for myself changed.

I don’t want to live in guilt and pain any longer. Shutting out the world as a defense because I’m too afraid to be hurt or lose someone I love again. That’s no fucking way to live, and Aisling was right.

Mum would hate to see me like that. A shell of the man she raised me to be.

I want to be more. If not for me or for Aisling, for Rory.

“I understand. I failed you as a coach, and I’m sorry for that. I’ve been coaching for almost as many years as you’ve been alive and still… I learn every day. I’m not immune to making mistakes, and this time, I made a big one. I should’ve supported you more, should’ve made sure you felt like you were a part of thisteam from the start instead of focusing so much on making sure the rest of the team could handle it. Cillian… you’re a part of this team whether you’re here, or in London.”

After a beat, I say, “I appreciate that. I’d like my spot on the team back.”

“It’s yours. I want to add that I’m really impressed,” he says, rising from his chair. “You’ve shown maturity and grace in a situation that most people your age wouldn’t have the ability to do, and I admire that. It’s clear to me that you’re not the same guy that you were back in London. Thank you for being willing to move forward and stay a part of my team, son. I’m hoping we can put this past us and move forward from here.”

Extending his hand over the desk, he holds it out for me to shake.

I rise from the chair and slide my hand in his. “I’d really like that.”

He nods but doesn’t drop my hand. “Probably should discuss you and my daughter, though.”

Bloody hell.

I should’ve known he wasn’t going to let me walk out of here without addressing shit about Rory. She told me they talked last night and said they had a heart-to-heart, where she came clean and told him everything. It made me feel so much better about him finding out. The fact that it came directly from Rory.