My tongue was stuck in my throat.
Slowly lifting my head, I stared at Azeira as she now sat up, watching me with concern. She had turned the tableside lamp on. Her honey brown orbs bounced around my body. Not liking the sympathy I saw pass through her eyes, I tossed the covers off of me and stormed to the bathroom, slamming the door.
I gripped the sink so tightly my knuckles turned white. My shoulders fell forward in a tight hunch. I closed my eyes and attempted to steady my breath.
After a few seconds, I finally lifted my head and stared into the mirror. Since that night I despised mirrors, despised seeing the emptiness that now filled my eyes, the scars on my face that proved the monster accusations, and the child that begged and cried for his parents’ love and affection.
Pushing out a deep breath through my flared nostrils, I lifted my hand and sent it into the mirror, causing it to shatter. Blood dripped down my hands. Pieces of the mirror were now scattered around the sink.
Taking a couple more minutes to gather myself, I left the bathroom. Blood still dripped from my hand.
“What did you do?” Azeira asked shakily. Her eyes locked on my hands.
Ignoring her I went to the bed and sat on the edge with my legs gaped. I stared down at the ground. My heart was heavy and bleeding. The urge to wreak havoc filled me. My hand twitched to destroy more things. I wanted someone to bleed for me, someone to feel the same pain I feltthat day.
“Looks like we both have something with smashing mirrors, huh?” Glanced down, I didn’t even notice Azeira was now kneeling between my legs and cleaning my hand. I thought back to the day she was locked in the basement.
“You mean when you tried to stab me?”
She flashed an innocent smile and batted her lashes. “Minor detail.” I watched her remove pieces of glass from my hand and wipe it clean with a towel. “Can you tell me what your dream was about?”
“What did I do?” I asked, ignoring the question.
She licked her lips and focused on my hand. “You were yelling and digging at your face. I tried to wake you and that’s when you grabbed me.”
My jaw clenched. I lifted my head, staring into space. “My mother had schizophrenia, along with I’m sure other shit that went undiagnosed. I’m not sure how it was treated before I was born, but once she got pregnant with me I assume it got worse. She always said I was a demon that was switched in her womb while she was pregnant. Growing up, most people thought it was my dad that was abusive, and while it was him too, my mom was more vicious. A lot of times she ignored and avoided me but when she noticed me she always said she needed to destroy the demon and used force to do it.
“When I was fourteen she attempted to carve the demon out of me and sliced my left eye. The doctors were worried I might lose sight in it.” Azeira gasped but I refused to look down at her, not wanting to see the empathy I knew was in her eyes. I balledthe hand she wasn’t working on into a fist and rested it on my leg. “My dad brushed it off as me needing discipline. He refused to acknowledge that my mom needed help. Said if she was weak enough to succumb to a sickness then she deserved it. He had alienated her from her family so there was no one else to get her the treatment she needed.
“I was seventeen when she tried to kill me again. She was having a bad day, ranting about shit I couldn’t make out. I stood there listening, knowing if I tried to interrupt it would only get worse. Eventually I called out to her and touched her. She was in some kind of trance and touching her broke her out. She tossed a boiling pot of grease on me and proceeded to throw bleach or some shit on me to ‘purify me’. Weeks later she did the murder-suicide and I was finally free.”
I felt empty as I finished the story. Most people assumed my scars came from my dad. I never once corrected them, not wanting them to see my mom in that light. They figured her ending was because she got fed up with my dad’s abuse, not knowing she suffered from her own internal demons.
“So the library?” Her eyelids pooled with unshed tears.
“Was my mom’s. She used to go in there for hours, lost in her head, and read those books. It was the only place I believe gave her true comfort.” For a moment I didn’t speak. “If you want to use the room, so be it.”
For so long I kept the library closed off because it was the only place I ever saw my mom at peace and I didn’t want anyone to take that anyway. I kept telling myself I was gonna tear it down and make it something else but I could never bring myself to do it.
“Kairus,” Azeira called out to me in a wretched tone.
“Don’t feel sorry for me!” I gritted, snatching away from her. Sympathy was forming a weakness I didn’t need or want.
“I hate that happened to you. I hate that you didn’t have anyone to protect you growing up.”
Finally I lowered my attention to her. I studied her as she sat back on her haunches.
“Do you think I needed someone to protect me? Does it look like I’m a weak man?” I lifted my injured hand that she wrapped. I wasn’t even sure where she got the wrap, but I didn’t have timeto question that now. My thumb brushed across the front of her chin, nipping her bottom lip.
“Needing protection doesn’t make you weak. You were a kid getting abused by both parents. Someone should have helped you.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Foolish girl. No one was gonna go against my father. Plus it made me into the man I am today. A man that gets what he wants even if it’s by force. A man that’s known not to be fucked with. Who thrives off causing destruction.” A crude grin split my face.
Azeira licked her lips. Her tongue swiped the top of my thumb. My skin sizzled as if I had been zapped by electricity.
“Do you pity me, Beauty? Do you wishyouwere the one who could swoop in and save me?” I taunted. For a second her eyes narrowed and her breathing picked up. I moved my hand to her neck. This time when I cuffed it, it wasn’t in a threatening way. “You shouldn’t hold any empathy for me, Azeira. I’m not a good man.”
“But it’s not your fault,” she whispered. My nostrils flared. “I’m not scared of you, Kairus, not anymore.” My grip on her neck tightened. She turned her head as best as she could and kissed my wrist.
