His eyes search mine, and his brows furrow. “Everything okay?”
I glance at my phone without even realizing it. “I—” I don’t want to lie to him, and I don’t really want to lie to myself. God knows I do it enough.
He sighs, and I’m guessing Charlotte told him more than she was supposed to. “It’ll be okay.”
“That’s what I keep hearing.” It comes out deadpan. I don’t know what else to say.
The doctors avoid making eye contact with me when I visit. Either out of sadness for my mom’s condition or sadness for my own. My visits used to be daily and then every other day. But the more she fades, the harder it is to see her. Now, I force myself to go at least once a week, on Sundays.
I haven’t been able to sleep since she went into a coma, but it’s gotten worse these last couple of weeks.
Jack is my only light right now. Of course Char and Josh, too, but it’s different. I’ve been throwing myself into school and going through the motions at work. But living with Char and Josh helps me in more ways than one. With bills, with someone to watch Jack when I can’t. I don’t know where I’d be without them.
I refocus on what’s actually in front of me and tune back in just in time to see them looking at me questioningly.
My word fumbles out. “What?”
Char’s eyes soften, and I see the pity in the corners.
“Don’t, okay?”
Her head tilts in a silent plea, but I shake my head.
“Do you want me to watch him tonight? You guys should go do something,” Josh offers.
Char instantly lights up, clasping her hands together. “Oh, please. Come on, Lu. When was the last time we had a girls’ night? We could get all dressed up, maybe go out?”
It is tempting. I’m so busy with work, school, and Jack that I rarely make time for myself.
My lips just begin to lift into a smile when she launches herself at me over the table top, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders.
No backing out now.
I try to pry her death grip off of me, and she begins tickling me. I can’t help the bubbling laughter that follows.
“Stop! Stop! Okay, you have me for two hours outside of the house. Then, I want to be back home and in bed. So, what’s the plan?”
She ponders the question for a second, and I can see the wheels burning rubber in her mind.
She takes another second longer, considering what I imagine is a thousand ideas before it all spills out of her mouth. “Okay, I say, let’s get all dolled up and check out that new bar on Fifth Avenue. Or we could go to Fireflies?”
Fireflies is a club downtown. It’s always packed, and you have to wait for, like, an hour just to get in. But it’s beautiful inside. The ceiling is covered in twinkly lights, which not only set the vibe, but are also gorgeous to look at. On top of that, the floor has built-in lights that react to your steps. And the staff always dresses up in themes. It’s such a fun place. I’ve only been once, but it was one of the most fun nights I’ve ever had.
With my mind made up, I smile at her. “Fireflies.”
She’s the one who showed me the club in the first place, and it’s her favorite way to spend a Saturday night.
Her smile stretches across her face, wrinkling her eyes. “Oh, thank God.” She huffs a laugh out, clearly satisfied with my decision.
The arm of my shirt gets tugged twice. When I look down, Jack is leaning against me, an urgent plea in his eyes.
I lean in, whispering to him, “What’s wrong?”
His big brown eyes suck me in. He sits up as tall as he can, pushing his lips against my ear. “Mom, I have to poop.”
I can’t help the giggle that escapes me. He’s grown up around Char and Josh. He’s known them since the day he was born. Yet he feels the need to whisper about going to the bathroom.
“Okay, come on, buddy. Let’s go potty,” I say as I slide out of my seat.
