Prologue
Six Years Ago
The stark white of the envelope in my hands reminds me of snow. Which makes me think of Alec all over again. Of skating behind Al’s Barbecue, to touring Christmas lights in town, to falling in love. My breath freezes as I sigh. My cold fingers pull the mailbox door open, and I set the envelope inside.
Closing it back up, I turn on my heels and walk away from Alec’s house. All air is ripped out of my lungs. Everything comes down to this letter. The puck’s in his zone.
“Either way, we will be all right,” I tell the little bean growing in my stomach.
And I walk away from the house. The house our baby boy will never step foot in.
1
“We don’t have time to prepare for the greatest moments;
they just simply find us when we need them most.”
“Hey, Char, will you just get me an iced mocha?” I ask her as I undo Jack’s car seat.
“You got it.” She spins and walks into Nikki’s Coffee, her blonde hair flowing in the wind and Josh right on her heels.
Jack stirs, and I stop moving, watching him slowly come out of his nap. I can’t believe that I made this little boy, he is the epitome of perfect. I brush his chocolate-colored waves out of his eyes as they flutter open.
“Where are we?” Jack’s sweet voice sings in my ears.
Smiling at him, I say, “Getting coffee for a bit, and then we’ll head home. Okay, bud?”
Yawning, he nods his head as I finish undoing his straps.
As if he wasn’t sleeping moments ago, he hops down out of his car seat, grabbing his Paw Patrol backpack, and shouts, “I’ll race you!” as he takes off for Charlotte.
I grin ear to ear and shut the car door, taking off after him. “You’re going to lose!”
I let him get a nice lead, so he thinks he’s winning, and then I take a few long strides to catch him, hooking my hands under his armpits and lifting him into the air like he’s flying. He erupts in giggles, and the couple walking past us beams at him. You just can’t help it; his laughter is contagious.
I settle him down on my hip and step inside. Charlotte is already in our booth with our coffees and Jack’s chocolate milk. She puts her phone down as we approach.
“Hey, big man. Have a nice nap?” Charlotte asks.
I set Jack down onto the booth, and he clambers right over, practically ripping his milk from her hand.
But before she lets go, she lifts her brows and says, “Manners.”
He rolls his eyes with a full smile. “Chocolate milk, pleeeease.”
Her resolve immediately fades, and she gives in.
Smiling, I slide into the booth next to him, and a wave of guilt hits me that I can feel happiness while my mom lies in a hospital bed.
My phone starts buzzing immediately, pulling me out of my thoughts. But I have a feeling I know who’s calling, the same call I always get. I ignore it, not wanting to have the same conversation with the person on the other line that I have already had a thousand times. I down a couple of big gulps of my coffee and close my eyes, sighing.
Charlotte’s hand covers my own, and I realize I might have sighed louder than I imagined, and she leans in to whisper to me. “You can’t keep avoiding their calls. You’ll regret it. It’ll be okay, Lu.” She squeezes my hand before returning it to her own cup.
The bills never end. I get one paid off with my tips, and then,bam, another one pushes me further into debt. I’m drowning, and I can’t break the surface. My mind drifts as I watch Charlotte and Jack play with his toy dinosaurs that he dug out of his backpack.
I miss my mom so much. I know she’s still here, but she’s not at the same time. She can’t smile, she can’t laugh, she can’tlive.
With my mind still lost in the depths of my fears, I barely hear Josh join our table. He scoots in next to Charlotte, draping his arm over the back of the seat.
