Felix’s hand went to the back of his neck, and he sighed. He looked just as much at a loss as I felt. “I’m sorry, Mike. I can’t tell you how she is because I don’t actually know.”
I frowned. “What do you mean? You work with her every day.”
“I’ve come to realise that Vicky is pretty fucking adept at hiding in plain sight. Over the last three years, there’ve been times when she’s retreated into her shell. I just accepted it as part of her quirks. But the more I think about it, the more I think that it was the result of some sort of trigger each time: the assault two years ago, that thing with you and the coffee table, her family the other times probably. Now is no different. She does her job, and if anything, she’smorededicated to it. But she doesn’t engage with anyone, not really. That’s what she’s like now. Not engaging. The lights are on but nobody’s home. So, no, I don’t know whether she’s okay. She won’t talk to me or Lucy, or even Lottie. She comes to work, speaks when she absolutely has to, goes home and won’t see anyone outside work hours.”
“Shit, shit, shit,” I chanted as I scrubbed my hands down my face.
“Mike?” I lowered my hands at the sound of Vicky’s clear voice and looked up to see her coming towards me from the conference room. She stopped next to Felix then looked between us with a blank expression. “Felix, they need you back in the meeting,” she said in that monotone I hated so much. “I’ll deal with Mike.”
Felix hesitated. “Vics, I can?—”
“This is unprofessional,” she said, still in that monotone.
This was killing me.
She’d lost weight again; there were dark circles under her eyes that I could see despite the make-up. And that light that I’d seen there more and more over the weeks we were together was totally out now. Her eyes were dull and lifeless. It was as if someone had simply switched her off, and now she was acting on some sort of autopilot.
“Go back. They need you for the final stage.”
“Okay, Vics,” said Felix softly. “If you’re sure?”
Vicky gave a sharp nod, and Felix blew out a breath, giving me a strong bit of side-eye, communicating an unspokenwatch yourselfwarning before striding away from us.
“Vicky, I?—”
“I realise that you likely feel a great deal of guilt for what transpired between us,” Vicky said in thatfuckingmonotone.
My hands itched to grab her into a tight hug, to kiss the light back into her eyes, but I forced them to stay at my sides by bunching them into tight fists.
“But I want to reassure you that your guilt is misplaced. Margot’s investment in your company was very sound. If anything, you needmoremoney to expand. You were right not to jeopardise that. I would have preferred that you explained the nature of our relationship prior to embarking on it, but the fact remains that even if I had known you were being paid, I would still have entered into it. I simply wanted you that much.”
“God, Vicky, please listen. The money had nothing to do with why?—”
“Did you attend that gala after Margot had threatened to pull her investment?” Vicky asked, her eyebrows raised.
“Yes,” I said through gritted teeth. “But I wanted you way before, even before that kiss in the Orangery. I would have come for you with or without Margot. And from the first time I held you in my arms, it wasn’t about the money. I swear, you were mine from that moment, whatever Margot did with her investment, I wasn’t letting you go. Holding you again at the fireworks only solidified that.”
Vicky’s eyes flared for a second, and I thought I saw a spark of something, but then the dull look was back. “I find it hard to believe that an adult woman having a breakdown over fireworks was that attractive, Mike.”
“You don’t?—”
“But I want to reassure you that even though I would have preferred to know about the arrangement, I am still grateful to you for so much of your time.”
“What the fuck?” I said very slowly.
Grateful for my time? Was she serious?
“I never thought I would be able to have a physical relationship with anyone, let alone one like the one we shared, which, from my point of view, was absolutely wonderful. I realise you likely have a different perspective on this, given my lack of experience and need for guidance, which must have been… tedious. So, if you feel that you have not been adequately compensated for your time, given that when you entered into this deal with Margot you did not know I was a virgin and would need significant work put in for the required relationship, I’d be happy to compensate you for any additional underpayment.”
Tedious? She thought I found taking her virginity, takingallher firsts, in a series of the most mind-blowingly incredible experiences of my life, tedious?
Christ, I was almost insane with my need for her. She was like a fever in my blood, yet she thought I found any of thattedious?
What theactual fuckwas going on?
“Vicky,” I growled. “Let me make this very fucking clear. Being with you was the absolute and complete opposite of tedious. If you think I fakedanyof the attraction I felt for you, you’re dead wrong. Everything with you was on another level from anything I’d ever experienced with any other woman. Maybe it makes me a caveman, but I was fucking thrilled and completely humbled by the fact I was your only lover. Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is you naked on my bed, all I can hear is those small sounds you make when you come. I can almost taste you on my tongue now if I concentrate hard enough. I dream about you at night. I’m distracted with this yearningfor you during the day. If you don’t believe anything else, then please,pleaseat least believe that.”
Her eyes were wide as she stared at me, her mouth open in shock.
