“That’s bullshit,” Felix snapped. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. It’snotweak to be naturally shy. It’s not weak to be wary after what happened and to want to hide.” He leaned forward then, sitting on the edge of the sofa so that he was only inches away from me in the chair, his beautiful dark eyes focused on me so intently it made me feel like the centre of his whole universe. Having Felix’s full, intense attention was a rush like no other. “But the time for hiding is over now, Luce. You’re not going to let this opportunity pass you by.It’smyfault you were hurt…” his voice broke over the last words and I felt my chest tighten.
“Felix, you’re not responsible for what Will did. That’s on him.”
“I am responsible for not listening to you before it happened and after. I should have seen him for what he was, but I was so wrapped up in my own narrative of how I could be humiliated again, just like I was with my ex.”
I sighed. “Felix, you won’t even tell me what happened with her. You don’t even trust me enough for that.”
Two flags of red appeared on his cheekbones and he swallowed, looking away from me for a moment. “Nobody knows what happened apart from your brother.”
“Mikey?”
Felix shook his head. “Look, I promise I will tell you. I want to tell you. But it’s so sordid. I can’t go down that road yet with you. But just know that it clouded my judgment. I let my pride blind me to everything else. And that’s not the only time I didn’t listen. I should have taken your advice about the office environment. I should have realised what an asset you actually were to the company.” I tilted my head to the side. What had happened to him? My heart clenched at the thought of someone hurting him but I could see he wasn’t ready to share anything more at the moment.
“Felix,” I said through a small smile, “I was crap at my job.”
He huffed. “Listen, I know now that you were helping Vanessa. So, no you weren’t crap. Not at the creative side. Not at the advertising side. Yes, organisational skills and business bullshit aren’t your bag, but I was so focused on trying to make you into the perfect assistant that I lost sight of who you are. I forgot about all your strengths. And I believed that fucking prick over you.”
The absolute agony in Felix’s voice was almost painful tohear. I couldn’t bear it anymore. So, I put my mug on my desk and leaned forward to lay my hands over his.
“Okay yes, you could have listened. But I wasn’t honest with you. I was hurt that you didn’t obsess over me like I did over you, that you hadn’t asked Mikey anything about me, and so I didn’t tell you about the books. I didn’t tell you that I was helping the advertising team. You didn’t have all the information. That’s not your fault. Felix, even without everything that’s happened, I’m still a big wimp.”
“No, Lucy, that’s not?—”
“Felix,” I said firmly. “I would still be a big girl’s blouse about doing the signing and the Netflix deal. That’s just who I am.”
“You can’t say big girl’s blouse,” Felix said. “That’s sexist. I’m seriously into all the feminism stuff now – TBea’s sorted me out.” Crikey, things really had moved on at the office. “Listen, just try the signing first. Netflix can wait.” He turned my hands over in his and slid his fingers over my palm. I fought down a shiver at his touch.
“I don’t?—”
“Think of all those readers, love,” he said softly. It was a double-pronged attack – using an endearment and making me feel guilty about my loyal fanbase. “They’re dying to see you again.”
I looked away from his intense gaze for a moment and felt my cheeks heat again. “It won’t be like at Harry’s building. There’ll be so many of them at that large of an event,” I said in a near-whisper. “I just don’t think I can cope with those numbers.” Then my voice dropped even lower, and Felix had to lean forward to make out what I was saying. “I’m scared they’ll be disappointed. That’ll be the real let-down – meeting me.”
“You would not be a letdown,” Felix said, his voice allgrowly with anger. The growly quality of his voice combined with the arm porn was making me feel a little lightheaded. My gaze dropped to his mouth, and I leaned towards him just a little more. Only an inch or so separated us now. When I looked up into his eyes his pupils were so dilated that there was only a rim of dark brown left around the edges. One of his hands let go of mine and came up to my jaw, his fingers sliding up from my neck to behind my ear. As my lips parted and my eyes started to close, he pulled back abruptly. I swayed in my seat at the sudden loss of him. He stood from his chair and paced to the door and back again.
“Right,” he muttered. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to—” He glanced at me. My cheeks felt like they were on fire now and I could feel a confused frown forming as I looked up at him. He pointed at me. “You need time,” he told me. “I promised that I—” He broke off to look out of the window, his jaw clenched so tight that a muscle started ticking there. “Listen, Luce.I’llbe your assistant at the signing, okay? I’ll make sure everything runs smoothly. That you’re not overwhelmed.”
My eyebrows went up. “You’regoing to assistme?” The concept didn’t really compute in my brain. Felix as my assistant? Was that even possible? But thinking of the signing, of all those people, imagining myself there with Felix by my side didn’t evoke quite the level of panic it had before.
“Well, I mean, if you want me to, I will,” he said, then rushed on, “but Luce, it doesn’t have to be me. Anyone would come with you– Emily, Vicky, Lottie, Mike, even Bucks would do it. God knows your agent would – that woman scares the crap out of me. I doubt she’d put up with you being made to feel uncomfortable. I know you might not trust me yet. The point is that it’s not something you have to do on your own.”
I looked at Felix then, at his earnest expression, andsomething deep inside me that had become twisted, something I didn’t even realise had been causing me pain released.
“I want you there,” I said with quiet conviction. “Just you.”
Chapter 32
The worst assistant
Felix
“Are you warm enough?” I laid both my hands over Lucy’s on the table. Whilst they weren’t ice-cold, they weren’t quite the temperature level I liked them to be. I pulled them into my lap, holding both of them in mine. Lucy glanced down at her hands and then back up at me, a blush sweeping up over her cheeks. Yes, I was getting somewhere with her, but I wasn’t going to push things too early. However, I was not above using the chemistry between us and how attracted she was to me to my advantage. “Maybe I should talk to the organiser about whacking the heat up.”
“Felix,” Lucy said. “It must be over twenty degrees in here. Everyone else will melt if they put the heating up anymore. I’m the only person I can see in a jumper.” Lucy was wearing a cashmere jumper dress, thermal leggings and fur-lined boots. I’d become quite the expert in the warmest women’s clothing out there.
Once I knew Lucy’s sizes, I just started having everything delivered to the cottage. Lucy had been so deep in thewriting zone that at first she barely noticed. But since I’d told her I was assisting her, she’d started to emerge from the writing shed more and clocked all the bags and boxes stacking up in her bedroom. Last week she’d stomped down into the kitchen where I was having a cup of tea with Hetty, a furious expression on her face – well, at least on the part of her face I could see above the pile of coats she was struggling to carry.
“Felix,” she snapped before dumping about twenty coats onto my lap. I just about managed to save my tea. When I looked back at Lucy she was standing with her legs braced apart and her hands on her hips. Smiling probably wasn’t my best plan, but an angry Lucy was just too adorable, and I was so pleased to be evoking some sort of reaction from her that I didn’t care too much if I pissed her off. “Don’t you smirk at me.” Her eyes narrowed on my face, and I tried to flatten my smile but didn’t quite pull it off. “Do you know how many coats I now have in my bedroom?”
