He looked away from me and his jaw clenched. “We’ll get into that later. When you’re better.”
I shook my head. “I don’t have time to get into anything. I’m in the middle of?—”
“I know you need your writing now,” he said. “I understand that. I’ll make sure the shed is watertight, warm and safe. You promise me you’ll eat regularly and sleepin the housethen that’s fine. Once I’ve finished with the shed, you can carry on in your world. For now.”
I scoffed. “It sounds like you’reallowingme to carry on writing. You do realise that you’re not the boss of me anymore?”
“I was never the boss of you,” he replied softly. “Not really. If anything, it was the other way around. It still is.”
I huffed. I didn’t understand him at all. Well, he could just jog on with whatever he thought he needed to do. I had no intention of believing him about the guilt thing. There was no other explanation.
And what did he mean byfor now?
Chapter 31
I’ll be your assistant
Lucy
“Don’t you have to be in London?” I asked for what felt like the hundredth time. Felix had let himself into my shed again, armed with a caramel latte, which he knew I couldn’t resist (how he managed to get hold of one in Little Buckingham, I had no idea). I was now sitting cross-legged on my new ergonomic office chair which had arrived three days ago. My old chair had been removed and replaced within a ten-minute period – I’d actually been sitting on it at the time, but Mikey and Felix had simply lifted me off the chair and onto the new one, totally ignoring my surprised protests. I was still pretending to be disgruntled – there was no way I was admitting that the new chair was actually super comfortable and way better for my back. It was also the exact colour and make I wanted – as was the wallpaper, newly installed, and the small sofa and throw cushions and the rug on the floor. Someone had clearly been snooping on my Pinterest account.
Felix smiled. “I told you – I’m working remotely. Vicky ismore than capable of running the show for the moment, especially with Lottie helping her.”
“Have you seen your mum?” I said softly, and his smile dropped. I knew Felix was staying at the pub, and I also knew that would not have gone down well with Bianca Moretti.
“Yeah, a couple of times, whenhe’sbeen in London.”
Felix’s dad was a real piece of work. I rarely saw him around the village and had never had much contact with him as a child, apart from those few times I heard him shouting at Felix. Once it had been over the only B grade Felix got in his GCSEs. I mean, the boy achieved the highest possible marks in all the other nine subjects, but his arsehole dad stormed over to our little cottage and lost his shit at sixteen-year-old Felix for that one result. There was a moment when I thought Mr Moretti was actually going to hit Felix, but then Felix had puffed up his chest and stood to his full over six-foot height, muttering, “Try it, old man,” under his breath. My brother had also decided to stand next to Felix and cross his arms over his already substantial chest, and Mr Moretti backed off. It was the first time I’d ever heard my mum swear after she slammed the cottage door in his face. The level of vitriol coming off a father towards his son was so high it stuck with me. Mum absolutely hated the man.
“Is… she okay?” I asked Felix. Bianca Moretti had always seemed a little fragile to me. She was very glamorous but highly strung. She made a big show of how much she loved Felix, but in my opinion, if she really cared about her son, she would never have allowed him to be exposed to his father’s aggression.
He shrugged. “She’s fine. Upset that I won’t stay at the house, but she knows I’m not ever going to risk breathing the same air as that bastard again, so she’ll have to accept it.”
I sighed. “Felix, you should just go back to London. I know you hate it here.”
Felix frowned. “I hate my father, not Little Buckingham. There’s a difference. The office is fine with me working remotely for a bit. And anyway, Legolas would miss me.” Legolas was standing next to him with his head on his lap. He was allowed in the office when Felix was in residence – his love for Felix distracted him from eating my work.
Felix blew out a breath and then pulled off his jumper. My mouth went dry at the brief glimpse of his abs and then his glorious, muscled biceps straining his t-shirt. When I managed to drag my eyes back up to his face, he was smirking at me with one eyebrow raised. Even that was sexy. It was completely unfair how attractive the bastard was. His gorgeousness, combined with the steady and relentless campaign to cater to my every need, was slowly chipping away at my resolve.
I would have suspected that the arm and stomach porn he’d displayed was intentional to drive me to distraction, but to be fair to him it was at least twenty-five degrees in the shed. Felix had not only installed proper electricity and a heating system, but also had the shed clad from the outside to make it completely insulated and watertight. It was slightly ridiculous really. I was too stubborn to move out of the shed, so he’d just reworked everything around me. It would probably have been vastly easier for all involved if there wasn’t a small hermit refusing to leave in the mix as they renovated it, but somehow Felix made it work. And, if I was honest, I did feel better. I was eating now; my ribs weren’t protruding in that scary way. The frost nip had completely resolved. I didn’t have the back pain anymore. Mum had stopped looking so worried. Mike had stopped his relentless hovering.
If we’d still been together, Felix would have teased me and asked if I was “quite finished checking out the gun show?” But he was more careful around me now, more wary. So, he wiped the smirk off his face and let me blush without commenting.
“Luce,” he said gently, and my eyes went back to his, “have you thought anymore about the signing?” I looked away from him and down into my lap. Yes, I felt guilty, but I just couldn’t face all those people. Peopling was hard for me at the best of times but now I just didn’t feel safe anymore. After what happened with Will the anxiety had slowly built rather than improve. I mean, Emily had dragged me out to the pub last night, and even that had felt difficult at first. I wouldn’t have gone but she basically turned up at the house and kidnapped me.
“I’ve got a bloody babysitter and I need a pint with my best mate,” she’d snapped as she frog-marched me out of the house with Mum waving us off. “You can turtle away on your own time.”
Of course, when we got there, as well as Emily’s husband Pete, Mike and Felix had appeared. Emily had gradually softened to Felix over the last two weeks. I think she’d become so worried about me that any reinforcements to pull me out of my funk were welcomed. She still called him a “poncy city wanker”, but then again she might well have done that anyway, even without what he did to me.
Once we were sitting at one of the tables and I was flanked by Emily and three huge men, my heart rate settled, and I started to feel like I could cope. The Badger’s Sett isn’t exactly the most ram jam pub, but it was a Saturday and there were a fair few punters. I’d jumped at a glass falling on the floor and then, to my annoyance, my hand had shook as I picked up my glass, so much I had to put it down again. Felix was next to me, and when my hand went back to my lap, he reached subtly under the table and laid his over mine. This was a running theme with Felix. He seemed to know theexactmoments when I needed contact like this. The feel of his large, warm hand on mine slowed my racing heart and stoppedthe shakes. It stayed there for the next hour. If the others noticed, they didn’t say anything. And at the end of the night, Felix walked me home, still holding my hand, but didn’t push it any further.
This new Felix, the one who looked at me like I was the most precious thing on earth, the one with endless patience, the one who just seemed to want to be with me in whatever way he could, support me however I would allow –thisFelix was very gradually winning my trust, but something was still holding me back.
“I’m not doing the signing,” I said. “I’ve told Madeline, and I just can’t go through with it.”
“And the meeting for the Netflix deal?”
I swallowed and looked down at my lap where I was cradling my coffee. My voice was small when I spoke again. “I just don’t think I can…” I trailed off, searching for an explanation that Felix would understand, but that was a feat in itself. How could I explain that I just wanted to hide away from the world and that the potential exposure the Netflix deal presented terrified me? To Felix – the ultimate businessman, only concerned with the bottom line, fearless and alpha and commanding – I would seem pathetic. Iwaspathetic. “I’m not strong enough to cope with that much exposure,” I admitted. “I know it’s weak, but?—”
