“Let’s get you up and away from the wall now, baby,” Harry’s soft voice filtered through as well. Now that I was aware of my surroundings again, I realised that Yaz was kneeling in front of me with both my hands in hers, and Harry was squatting by my side, his hand resting on my neck. I nodded woodenly, allowing him to guide me to standing. Then he led me over to the sofa and we sat down together. I closed my eyes as Harry gathered me into his arms and just let go. Let go of my worry about Mum and her life-ruining tendencies. Let go of the fact that I couldn’t control this situation. Maybe I didn’t have to deal with everything on my own? Maybe it was better that I was finally honest?
“V, honey,” I heard Heath’s voice crack and opened my eyes to see him staring at me from across the coffee table, his face now pale. “I didn’t realise that…” he broke off and cleared his throat then lowered his voice. “How long have you been having these… er… episodes again?”
“Again?” Harry’s voice rose, but I talked over him.
“Let’s call them what they are, Heath, shall we? Panic attacks. Plain, boring old panic attacks.” I sighed. “And they’ve been back again for a couple of years, since Dad died.”
“Dad dying triggered this? But youhatedDad.”
“Dad getting sick and dying triggered Mum. She contacted us both back then. You know what she’s like. That’s why they started up again.”
“But we haven’t been in contact with Mum since the funeral.”
“She was left out of the will completely, Heath,” I said in a tired voice. “Did you think she’d just fade away into the background? Her lifestyle is bloody expensive, and she’s long since gone through the money she got in the divorce settlement. Yaz blocking her from our phones after the funeral was never going to stop her, Heath. I knew she’d contact Mr Crawley at some point, so I told him to go through me when that happened.” I paused and closed my again. “I’ve been paying her off for months.” I felt my throat constrict, and despite my best efforts, my next words came out strangled. “It’s my fault that she has the funds to do what she’s done. I’ve been inadvertently funding this whole shit show. I just wanted her to stay out of our lives. But it was stupid, and someone got hurt. Badly hurt. And I… and I… I don’t think I can do it anymore. Not on my own.”
“Oh V,” Heath said, his voice soft. “You never had to do it on your own. I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t tell me.”
I paused, and when I spoke again, my voice was just above a whisper. “One of us had to be happy, Heath. I knew it couldn’t be me anyway. I knew I’d never have a normal life. So, I was going to make damn sure that you did.”
“Why will you never have a normal, happy life?” asked Harry. When I didn’t reply his arms tightened around me for a moment, before his hand came up to lift my chin so he could look into my eyes. “Verity? Why can’t you be happy, love?”
“I’m not…” I broke off and closed my eyes slowly. How did I explain that everything I so desperately wanted was just so out of reach. “I’ve had therapy.”
“Okay,” Harry said slowly, waiting for me to go on.
“Lotsof therapy, Harry. But I’m still… not right. There’s a reason none of my relationships have lasted. I don’t trust very easily. I self-sabotage all the time. I know this about myself now. I’m capable at work, I’m capable managing other people’s lives, but not so much with my own.” My voice dropped back down then to just above a whisper again. “I can’t get past it, okay? I can’t get past the fact that I was their daughter, and they didn’t love or want me. That unwanted feeling just won’t go away. The feeling that, if my own parents didn’t want me, then how can I expect anyone else to?”
Harry’s arm was like an iron band around me now, and when I looked up at his face, I saw his jaw was set at a stubborn angle. “You’re going to be fucking happy,” he said in a low voice that came out with a hint of a growl that I could feel vibrating through his chest. He made making me happy sound like a threat. “You hear me, Verity Markham? You’re going to be fucking happy for the rest of your fucking life, and that’s the end of it. And you willneverhave contact with that woman again.” His eyes sliced to Heath. “Neither will you, mate. This bullshit ends today. If I’d have known what was going on two decades ago, it would have ended a fuck of a lot sooner, but that’s done. We’re here now. And your fucking mother and all her crap, including this goddamn mess she’s created for you to clean up is not going to exist for either of you anymore. Understand?”
I cleared my throat and started to say cautiously, “Harry, I’m not sure that–”
“You two,” he pointed to Heath and Yaz. “Stay with her. Do not let anyone into the house. Do not answer the goddamn door. I’m going to talk to that fucking detective and then we’re all going to go home.”
Harry seemed absolutely furious, as demonstrated by his rampant overuse of the f-word. I wasn’t sure that was the right approach with the French police.
“Er…Harry, I’m not sure that–”
“Youaregoing to be happy,” he said, cutting me off, and taking my face in both his hands as he turned me towards him. “Properly, deliriously happy. I’m going to bloody well make sure of it.” He gave me a hard closed mouth kiss, pulled back to search my shocked face for a moment, then dropped his hands, stood from the sofa and strode out of the living room.
Heath, Yaz and I looked at each other after the front door slammed with wide eyes. Then for some reason, Yaz’s mouth started quivering as she pressed her lips together in what looked like an effort to contain a smile.
“Okay,” she said in a voice shaking with amusement. “Harry’s clearly going to beextremelycross until you’re deliriously happy.”
“I’d better go after him,” Heath muttered, but Yaz put her hand on his arm and shook her head.
“You know what? I think the Markham twins deserve to have a break from this stuff. Don’t you?”
“Yaz, I can’t just–”
“Nope, enough misery for Markham siblings. I’m pulling a Harry and forbidding you both from being anything but insanely happy. Now, stay with your sister. I’ll go after billionaire boy and make sure he doesn’t get arrested whilst sorting out your happiness.”
“Yaz, I–” I started, but she squatted down in front of me, took both my hands in hers and cut me off.
“I love your brother,” she said in a soft voice. “And I love you. I understand you’re used to fixing this and surviving that, but you don’t have to do it anymore. I meant what I said after your father died. You guys have been through enough shit. It’s time to let the people who care about you deal with some of it. I know it’s difficult for either of you to accept help from anyone but each other, that you’ve been taught again and again that people will let you down, but that’s all changed now.” She gave my hands a firm squeeze before releasing them, gave Heath a quick but firm kiss and then swept out of the room after Harry.
Chapter25
I’ve already let her down
