“What?”
“The RSPCA came round to take Dad’s dogs away because they weren’t cared for properly, but nobody ever came for me and Heath.”
“Verity,” Harry’s voice cracked over my name. When I looked up at him, I was shocked that there was a sheen of tears over his eyes. He pulled me into a hug and wrapped his arms around me. “God, baby. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“It was a long time ago,” I whispered into his chest. “Honestly, Harry I–”
“I can’t believe I never knew any of this,” he said, his voice sounding pained. “I know you weren’t forthcoming, but if I had been just slightly less of a self-absorbed twat I could have maybe made sure I knew at least something about your home life. All I had were stupid assumptions and prejudices.”
“Look, Harry it’s all the past. I’m fine now. I–”
“You’re not fine,” he snapped, pulling slightly back from me so that he could look down into my eyes and then rub his nose against mine. I took a deep breath in and the smell almost made me dizzy with how much I wanted him. “You’re out here all alone, cleaning up something that’s nothing to do with you but that you continually shoulder responsibility for. You’re carrying guilt for something that wasn’t in any way your fault, and you’re doing it all alone.”
“Harry, I’m used to–”
His voice dropped then, low with fury. “I don’t give a fuck what you’re used to. What you’reused toends now.”
And then he kissed me and everything else melted away. All the horror of the last two days, the stress of the last few weeks was overridden as I lost myself in him.
Maybe it was weak. Maybe it was selfish. But in my life I hadn’t had that much opportunity to do the weak, selfish thing, and I’d certainly never felt as cared for as I did waking up in that hotel room and being force-fed my favourite breakfast.
So, I was going to forget myself and this shitty situation and pretend I was loved by a man like Harry.
Even though deep down I knew that kind of love wasn’t for the likes of me.
Not really.
Chapter24
Your happiness doesn’t matter?
Verity
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Heath shouted, and I shrank back from him as Harry stepped forward to put a hand on the centre of his chest, which Heath swatted away.
It had been a long day. After breakfast, Harry and I had made our way down to the police station as promised. Detective Matisse was no longer in full arsehole mode and even managed a very awkward apology for how they’d treated me yesterday. I made it clear that I was happy to cooperate fully and gave over all the information I had available on my mother, which admittedly wasn’t much. I even showed them the emails that she’d been sending me over the last six months. They were all characteristically poisonous, demanding money, calling me a slut and a thief – blackmailing me in return for her promise to stay away from Heath. The worst thing was having to admit that I did make payments to her. That money must have gone towards setting up a nice little drug cartel situation for her here. I felt like an idiot.
After going through the paperwork for the villa and proving that I hadn’t actually been in France when the dealing took place, the police allowed us to go with a promise not to leave the country for the next week. When we got back to Harry’s hotel suite, Heath and Yaz were waiting outside. Heath had waited until we’d made it to the living room area to unleash, but I had been able to tell from the set of his body and the fact I only received a hug from Yaz, that he was beyond furious.
“Heath, calm down,” Yaz said from behind him, reaching for his arm. He didn’t shrug Yaz off, but he did not calm down either.
“I did what I thought was best at the time,” I said, trying to reach for the commanding tone that I usually had no problem employing, but the stress of the last few weeks and the sight of Heath looking both murderous and devastated seemed to have knocked all the fight out of me. “I didn’t want you to have to get involved. You’ve got a new life now.” I indicated to Yaz who was still holding onto his arm. “You’re happy. I didn’t want you to get dragged back down bythemagain.”
Heath threw both his hands up into the air in frustration which did succeed in shaking off Yaz – extremely uncharacteristic, seeing as those two were always all over each other. “Oh, so it’s alright foryouto get dragged down into it, then?Yourhappiness doesn’t matter?”
I shook my head in exasperation. “No, it’s just that–”
“You think I’m too weak to handle it?” he said, his voice low with fury now. “Might I remind you that I was the one who–”
“I know!” I screamed and the room went deathly silent. I never lost control like that, and I certainly never screamed at anyone. “Don’t you think I know? I was there. I lived it too! But the difference was that back then you protected me.Youstole the food for us.Youtook the backhanders from Mum and Dad.Youheld me in the middle of the night when I cried myself to sleep and told me it was going to be okay. Of course, I don’t think you’re weak.I’mthe weak one. You know that. So now it’smyturn to look afteryou.My turn to shield you from theirendless shit.”
“V, hun,” Yaz’s attention had shifted from Heath to me now. I’d backed up away from all of them until my hip hit the side of the dining table. The room was closing in on me and I could feel the panic building in my chest. These attacks had started when I was a child. Heath used to be able to talk me out of them, make me focus on other things. My housemaster at school once had to call him into the girls’ house (something normally strictly prohibited) when I lost control after hearing that Granny had died. It was another example of how he’d been stronger than me, how he’d looked after me. And now I couldn’t do the same for him. Now I was totally losing my shit.
After all my efforts to make sure Felicity didn’t bugger up Heath’s life, it had all come crashing down anyway. And a boy had been really hurt. A life had nearly been lost because I wasn’t ready to face up to my responsibilities. Everything started feeling very far away then like I was behind a thick pane of glass with Heath, Yaz and Harry on the other side. I could see their mouths moving, but I couldn’t make out the words. My heart felt like it was beating outside of my chest. I moved around the table and continued walking backwards with my arm outstretched in front of me to ward anyone off from approaching.
I only stopped when my back hit the wall at the far side of the living room. My legs started feeling strange, like they weren’t part of me, like I couldn’t feel them properly. I slid down the wall and landed on my arse with my head between my knees. My vision had narrowed, and everything seemed blurry. Then, through the numbness, I felt a warm hand on the back of my neck – a forehead resting on mine. One of my hands was placed on someone’s chest while a reciprocating hand went to my chest. Gradually Yaz’s voice filtered in through the fog.
“That’s it, V,” she was saying, her tone gentle but firm. “You’re here with me. You’re safe. We’re together. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” She repeated the same sentences over and over until I started to feel my breathing slow. It was then I noticed a low keening sound of distress. When I realised with horror that it was coming from me, I forced myself to stop. The room came back into focus gradually. I could feel the wet on my cheeks, which I frantically wiped away.
