‘Hey, Prof,’ Kira said through a mouthful of cake before she swallowed it down (not any easy feat without a fair amount of water – Millie suspected that a few essential ingredients like, say, butter had been forgotten in the cake-making process), ‘whatcha gonna do about that big deal of a conference thingy? Isn’t it in a couple of months?’
Millie’s gaze flew up to Kira and then over to Pav, who shrugged and gave her a sheepish smile.
‘Sorry, Mils. I might have let slip about the conference. But it is a big deal, you know. You should at least consider it.’
For some reason the fact that Pav had discussed the conference with Kira didn’t sit well with Millie. She felt herself stiffen and took a deep breath to force her body to relax.This is what having friends is like, she told herself. They talk to each other about you. They care about what you do. There was nothing there to make her feel uneasy. She just wasn’t used to this kind of attention. She forced a smile.
‘I can’t speak at a conference,’ she said. ‘I mean, you saw what happened when I …’ Pav’s arm slipped around her back and gave her a squeeze, and Libby gave her a soft look from across the table.
‘But we can get round that,’ Kira said, bouncing on her seat in excitement. ‘I mean, we could do some coaching and some practice. Work on some techniques to handle the stress of it and calm that big brain of yours down.’
‘Kira, I don’t think that –’
‘Just try it?’ Kira wheedled. ‘You know that everyone needs to hear about the results, and you know it needs to come from the person that’s developed it. Come on, the practice’ll be fun. We can do that instead of book group for the next three weeks. What about your psychologist mate? You think he might be able to help?’
‘I … Anwar’s not –’ She was cut off before she could explain that Anwar wasn’t her friend, he was her therapist.
‘Why not try it, Mils?’ Pav asked, giving her another squeeze. ‘You might regret letting the opportunity slip through your fingers. Plus, don’t you want to rock up to that conference and show all those smug bastards what real change looks like? Shake things up a bit.’
‘I know it needs to be presented,’ Millie muttered. ‘Anwar’s agreed to go and I was actually going to ask Dr Carver if he would mind –’
‘Ugh! Millie you can’t let that pompous arse take all the credit for your work.’
‘He wouldn’t be, he’d just be presenting the –’
‘Millie, youknowhe’d take the credit.’
Millie looked away from Pav’s furious eyes. Yes, she did know that, but she didn’t actually care. It was never about the acknowledgment. The last thing Millie could ever be accused of was being a glory hunter. She glanced around the table. Everyone was watching her. After the cake and the fuss they’d made she felt a little bad disappointing them, reminding them of her limits.
‘I … I’vehadtherapy with Anwar,’ she told them as she stared down into her lap and shrugged her shoulders. ‘I havea lotof cognitive behavioural therapy. That’s the reason I set up the study: because I know how powerful it can be. In some ways it’s been indispensible, but it only goes so far. It’s really helped me but it can’t work miracles …’
‘But you didn’t haveusthen,’ said Kira, her voice strong and confident.
‘Kira’s right, Millie,’ Libby said, her voice quieter but no less firm. ‘You might find you make more progress with extra support behind you.’
Millie bit her lip. Could she change more than she had? The idea of living more normally was tempting. What did she have to lose?
‘Okay,’ she said eventually.
‘Yeah, baby!’ Kira shouted, punching the air and drawing a fair few curious glances from beyond their table. ‘This is gonna be fun. We’re going to public-speak the crap out of you by the end of the month.’
Millie let out a small giggle at Kira’s theatrics, earning her another shoulder squeeze and kiss to her temple from Pav. A shiver went down her spine as she looked up at him, and she smiled. The worry about why he’d discussed the conference with the others was forgotten.
For now.
Chapter 23
Nothing you can’t do
Kira worked fast. In fact she was like a whirlwind. Anwar had called Millie that night.
‘A woman called Kira cornered me on the orthopaedic ward today,’ he explained. ‘She’s very … er … outgoing. Isn’t she?’
‘That’s one way to describe her,’ Millie muttered.
‘Seems like there’s been a fair bit of change recently,’ Anwar probed. Millie knew he’d seen her and Pav around the hospital together. He’d probably heard about the cake in the canteen as well.
‘You … er … could say that.’
