“Not as bad as going in the store,” I informed him. “I couldn't get out of that place fast enough but I swear there was no way out. I thought I was going to have to just move in.”
Ollie chuckled.
Once it had been time to move, I had looked around the house and realized that there wasn't much there that was reallymine.It was all stuff Melissa had picked out with my occasional input. Looking back, I had let all of the burdens of that relationship fall on her shoulders. She picked everything we did, initiated intimacy, and decorated the house. I had just been there and now that I could see that, I felt pathetic. I had never properly shown up for her.
So, I had left it all, aside from my own clothes and personal items.
And the new apartment was downrightdepressing.Even after my Ikeashopping trip.
“I'm surprised you didn't call Ryan to help you. You know he would have.”
The sound of his name made my chest clench every time I heard it. But I shrugged and pretended it didn't hurt, even a month after I'd showed up at his hotel to win him back, but got sent away instead.
“Didn't want to bother him,” I said but Ollie was phishing.
“You didn't get him to help you move or anything...”
“I had like three boxes,” I pointed out. “It didn't really require help to move.”
“Well.” He shuffled his feet. “He said that he didn't tell you he wanted to stop being friends.”
I grimaced.
“Yeah, just that he wants me to move on, or some bullshit. How exactly am I supposed to do that if he's hanging around?”
Ollie let out a sigh.
“Whyexactly did he break up with you again? I'm confused.”
“Because I've been in a relationship for nearly a decade and he thinks I should be single first.”
“Ah.”
“He has a point,” I admitted. “I don't know what I want aside from?—”
Him, hung in the air between us.
“Huh,” Ollie muttered, thinking for a minute. “And what do you have to do to convince him you're ready?”
I shook my head.
“Damned if I know.”
I found myself staring at the blank wall in front of me. At some point I'd take the TV off the floor and mount it there, but that was a task for future me. I couldn't be bothered with it today.
“I think he might think it was a phase for me. That I threw myself in but it wasn't going to last the way it does for him.”
“Well that's conceited,” Ollie muttered and I laughed.
“Yeah. Maybe.”
“Or its fear talking,” he went on, echoing the idea that had bounced around in my head a few times now with nowhere to go. “The man loved you for aslong as he knew you. Maybe he hasn’t wrapped his head around the fact that you really want to be with him for good.”
Pain twisted my lips into a grimace.
“Either way, he said I needed time.”
Nodding, Ollie let out a little sigh.
