“What? No. It's not that, I just want you to be happy Kamran.”
“My happiness is tied to you, Ryan. To being with you. To loving you and having you love me. Everything else in life is just extra sauce.”
I stared at him, heart racing, unable to find words.
“So, tell me,” he said. “How much time do you need?”
I shook my head helplessly.
“I don’t know,” I finally said.
For a moment, he stood there, holding me, watching me, his expression unreadable, then he pressed his lips to mine and kissed me so deeply my toes curled before pulling back and releasing me.
“Can I stay the night at least?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“You shouldn’t.”
I wasn’t strong enough. If he stayed, then I wouldn’t send him away in the morning and I’d never know if this was really right for him. I’d never know if hereallywanted me.
And I needed to know.
“I’ll do whatever you need,” he finally said.
I should have been relieved when he left, but I wasn’t.
Was this really the right thing to do?
What if he never came back to me?
TWENTY-ONE
Kamran
“You need anything before I go?”
I glanced over at Ollie, who was hovering by my door looking around awkwardly.
I was pretty sure he felt bad for me. Who wouldn't? I'd busted my ass—me and Lissa both had—to get that house and now here I was, living in the same building as him in a one bedroom apartment that was roughly the size of my old living room.
“I'm good. I chose this,” I reminded him.
In fact, I hadn't just chosen it, I'd insisted. I’d fought tooth and nail to leave Melissa the house even though she had wanted to split assets evenly.
I still had my job and good credit. I made more than her. I could work my way up again even if it took a while. And even if I couldn't for some reason, even if this little apartment was as far up the ladder as I'd ever get, it was still fair in my opinion. I'd put her through hell whether I'd meant to or not.
Ollie shrugged.
“Yeah, I know man. Just... let me know if you need anything.”
I nodded.
“Thanks bud, I appreciate you helping me put together those shelves.” I said and sank onto my new couch, still feeling like a stranger my own home.
“Ikea builds are hell,” he agreed, couldn't let you face that on your own.”
I snorted.
