I’d meant what I’d told him earlier. Last night had made it blatantly clear that I had neverreallyliked sex as much as I could have. I’d copied friends. I’d acted the ways that I thought I should. I’d sought out a girl that I thought fit the image I had of a perfect wife.
It was an unsettling feeling to look back and see that I had been acting all along. I hadn’t ever realized.
My hands shook with guilt, but my cock was hard too. I felt queasy and horny and very confused because Ryan kept saying that Lissa’s cheating wasn’t my fault, but it sure as hell felt like it was.
Ryan’s feet suddenly shifted in my lap, drawing my attention.
“Is that what I think it is?” he asked, eyes closed, still half asleep.
“Yeah,” I answered. “Wake up and fuck me.”
He sat up and was crawling across the couch over to me before I was even done the sentence. Thank God, I needed the distraction.
Sober this time, he was softer. He kissed me so deeply I reallydidforget everything else and that was even before he bent me over and worked me open.
I didn’t even care that he insisted on wearing a condom. I was too desperate to argue. He did everything slower this time. There was something like reverence in his touch and by the end, I was fighting back tears and clinging to him like my life depended on it.
He convinced me to make my way upstairs and into the shower afterwards and even though he didn’t ask why I was so quiet, he still held me under the spray until my body started to relax.
“Bed time,” he finally said and I just went along with him, getting dressed and under the covers where he could finally hold me tight until a fitful sleep took me.
In the morning, I would finally talk to Melissa.
And I had a really bad feeling about it.
I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all.
Ryan was watching me.
“Want breakfast before we go to your place? He asked.
I shook my head. I couldn’t eat.
“Let’s just go.”
My hands were shaking the whole drive home. I didn't know if Melissa would be there but Ryan was. He was sitting at my side, looking stoically out the window like no matter what came it would all be just fine.
I didn't feel that way. For some reason, it felt like a tide was coming in.
“Breathe,” Ryan reminded me.
“Right.”
I inhaled and exhaled, but this anxiety wasn't going anywhere until this was all over.
Absently, I reached toward Ryan. He took my hand at once, holding it in his lap and a bit of the fear ebbed away. My life line, yet again.
When we turned onto my block, I was almost relieved to see that Melissa's car wasn't in her parking spot.
“Hopefully she gets home soon,” I said.
“I don't mind waiting,” Ryan told me.
“We can watch something?” I suggested.
He nodded and we went inside, flopping onto the couch where it had all started.
Maybe he knew I was thinking about it, because he gave me an almost shy smile while I flipped through streaming services, trying to find something good.
