The thing that got me though, was that she lookedsohappy.I could not in any recent memory, think of her looking so filled with life and vitality and excitement as she had on that day, getting ready with her bridesmaids and her mom.
I flipped the page and paused, realizing that we were now moving to the groom's side, and we all looked pretty damn fine, if I did say so myself. The rich blue suit complimented me and the guys looked great in their cream colored suits. Everyone looked just right. Especially Ryan.
My gaze was drawn to him. With his thick ashy blond hair slicked neatly into place, clean shaven with a tailored suit on, he looked ready to start a modeling career. Funny how I hadn't noticed that before. Or maybe I had in an observational way only—like, oh look, the sun is bright. That was basically how I thought of Ryan in general. Bright, handsome, uplifting... It was a given.
As my best man, he was in a lot of the pictures, always at my side, looking like he was having a great time.
It took me far too long to realize that in every picture, he was looking at me.
Even the ones where everyone was posed and supposed to be looking at the camera, his eyes were turned subtly in my direction. Even in the picture of us all dancing together after dinner, he was holding Melissa's hand, twirling her around, but he was looking at me… and I was leaning toward him, probably about to say something stupid, like I always did. And he would listen, like he always did. Because he was always there for me.
And now, for the first time, everything that had happened since he'd held me and kissed me that first night, started to shift and align.
I found myself flipping the page, searching for Ryan's face, Melissa forgotten.
There he was, in the background while I danced with her. And he was watching me.Just me.And this time, he wasn't smiling.
There was a spotlight on me and my bride, and so many people around, maybe he'd thought no one would notice. To be fair, you'd have to be seeking him out to see him standing there in the shadows, a drink in hand, his gaze fixed on me, looking like he was miles away.
A strange feeling filled me as I looked at the picture and finally understood.
Ryan loved me.
In the other pictures he was looking at me, smiling and happy to be there. There was nothing to really give it away, but from this picture alone, I knew that it was true.
That was why he had held me so tightly. It was why he had kissed me and comforted me. It was why he'd sucked me and touched me like I was something special.
It wasn'tjustbecause he was into men. It was because it wasme.
I didn't know how long I sat there for, unmoving, but I was still on that page when I heard the telltale creak of the door opening downstairs, breaking me from my stunned thoughts. I heard Melissa trying to be quiet. Setting down her keys in the bowl by the door and sighing as she entered.
I'd wanted to talk to her about everything, but I felt numb as she walked up the stairs before appearing in the bedroom door, looking tired and disheveled.
She paused, staring at me. Her blue eyes travelled down to the photo book in my lap, still open on the picture of us dancing together. The photographer had caught us at arm’s length fromeach other, just as I was twirling her out, her dress spinning around her ankles.
To my surprise, she smiled warmly and stepped into the room, coming to a stop next to me before sinking down at my side. Her petite frame barely made the bed dip. I looked at her, noticing her cheeks seemed more gaunt than usual and worry and anxiety twisted in my chest because it didn't seem like I had a right to be angry anymore. Not after what I had done today.
“We nailed that choreography,” she said, still looking at the picture.
I smiled.
“Yeah. We killed it.”
“The dance classes leading up to it were even more fun, though.”
Pain twisted my stomach into a knot until I felt like I was going to be sick. We'd been so stupidly happy back then. What the hell had happened?
“You okay?” she asked, her hand landing on my forearm.
When I looked at her, her gaze was filled with such concern, that for a moment it was hard to believe that any of this was real.
“How was work?” I asked. “I’m guessingRobertkept you company?”
I hadn't meant to say it. It was like my brain was trying to shock us both back to reality.
Even though she barely shifted, Melissa stiffened next to me and her worried gaze turned hostile.
“Kamran,” she said slowly. “If there's something you want to say, just say it.”
