Slowly, I drew back, releasing him with an appreciative sigh.
I glanced up, meeting his gaze.
He was laid back on the couch, limbs loose as spaghetti, lips parted for air, watching me like he didn't recognize me with eyes that were glassy with unshed tears.
My heart sank.
“What is it?” I asked in a tremulous whisper.
I was still crouched between his knees, palms resting on his bare thighs. His cock was still wet from my saliva, and I knew he already regretted it.
“It's just been a while... since someone touchedme,” he said in a small voice, “and I—I didn't think anyone ever would aside from, you know, mywife...”
He reached up, suddenly covering his face and taking a shuddering breath.
My hands were shaking, so I finally pulled them off of him, sitting back so that I wasn't so fucking close to what I had just done, but it turned out that pulling awayhurt.
“I'm fucking married. What the hell am I doing?” he demanded.
I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting to happen next, but this clearly wasn’t it because I didn’t know how to take it.
He was the one who had come to me.
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you showed up here,” I said.
He pulled his hands away, meeting my gaze and to my surprise, instead of anger, it was like I'd shaken him back to reality.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Ryan. I'm sorry. I—I'm just freaking out, okay? This isn't easy. It isn't about you.”
I snorted defensively, pain and anger welling inside me.
“It kind of is, Kamran,” I said, biting my lip, unable to look him in the eye.
Kamran groaned and bent forward, pulling his pants back up his hips. Then he sat there for ages before I finally chanced a glance up.
He looked completely despondent. Like he was a million miles away and didn't know what to do next. My heart went to him, but at the same time, I couldn't help feeling used.
“I dragged my best friend into my divorce,” he whispered finally. “I'm a fucking tool.”
I swallowed. I wished my heart hadn't leaped at his words, but it had and was sitting securely in my throat right now, cutting off my air.
“Divorce?” I asked slowly.
He shrugged.
“I guess so, right?” he asked, and he looked at me as though I was the one who should tell him what to do next.
I’d promised him I would too. When we’d left the bar the other night I’d promised to help him figure out the next steps. But how was I supposed to tell him to leave her in good conscience? How, when it was for selfish reasons?
Ollie and David's belief that Kamran would do what I told him rang in my ears, so I kept my lips firmly shut until I couldn't any longer.
“That's for you to decide,” I finally said firmly.
I hoped it went without saying that if he was practically begging meto hook up with him while still married that probably meant something…
For a long time, we watched each other, then Kamran turned his gaze down to the floor and I knew we were done here.
“I should go,” he said.
