I was right. He’d noticed. It wasn’t just some lucky guess. “It was even better than the cafeteria ones. Thank you.”
“I’ll bring another one tomorrow.”
I laughed. “I wasn’t implying that you needed to. I just wanted to let you know I appreciated it.”
He pulled me even closer. “I want to bring you another one tomorrow. Tell me more about your mom. And your life back in Delaware. Tell me everything.”
I smiled against his chest. I told him all my favorite things about each season. He especially liked my story about the snowplow that came to my cul-de-sac and left huge natural snow forts. I’d had so much fun having snowball fights with the other neighborhood kids around those forts. And then there was the delicious hot chocolate my mom used to make for all of us afterward to warm us up.
I told Matt all my favorite stories as he held me tight. I wasn’t sure when we fell asleep. But I found drifting asleep in his arms effortless. There was no staring at the ceiling. No sleepless night. I slept better in his arms than I had in months.
But when I woke up the next morning he was gone. I would have thought I’d imagined the whole thing, but my sheets smelled like him. And there were roses wilting on my nightstand. He’d also left his varsity letter jacket with a note.
You’ll be able to wear this soon. I promise.
I pulled on his jacket. The fabric swam around me, the jacket stopping mid-thigh. And I wished I didn’t have to take it off before going to school. I took a deep breath, the smell of cinnamon wafting around me. I finally had my answer. There was no way I could just be friends with Matt. Not when I was hoping he’d show up again tonight. And the next night. And the next.
I ran my finger down the large ‘E’ for Empire High on the front of the jacket. All the football players wore their jackets to school every day. Except for a few players that had given them to their girlfriends. Matt would be missing his. People would notice. Him leaving this here meant something. I just hoped it meant he was falling for me too.
Untouchable - Chapter 24
Thursday
I tried to focus on moving my legs faster instead of the pit growing in my stomach. I’d been dreading gym all day. And now that it was here, I felt even worse. Although, maybe it was just the fact that I was running and had a terrible cramp. I was pretty sure secrets gave me cramps.
“Are you okay?” Felix asked as he jogged beside me. “You’re acting…off.”
“I’m fine.” My voice came out weird. God, I needed to just come out with it. I had to put the brake on things between Felix and me, I knew that. All I could think about all day had been falling asleep in Matt’s arms. It wasn’t fair to Felix. But I also didn’t know how to break the news without saying I had feelings for someone else. I’d promised Matt we could keep things between us a secret for now. I was tossing around the idea of blaming it on my uncle. After all, he had forbidden me from seeing Felix. It was the easy way out. The un-honest way. The coward’s way.
I shook the thought away. I had to lie about having feelings for Matt. But that didn’t mean I needed to throw my uncle under the bus for no reason. And it wasn’t just the lies holding me back. I had to figure out how to ask Felix to stop selling drugs to James in a way that couldn’t come back to me. The last thing I needed was for James to tell everyone about me seeing Matt…if that was the secret he meant. But there were lots of things he could be referring to. Matt knew my phone number, my address, my locker combination…all without asking me. He had resources. Surely James had the same ones. He could know anything.
“Hey,” Felix grabbed my arm, pulling me to a stop. “Seriously, what’s going on?”
I leaned down and put my hands on my knees, pretending to catch my breath. Really I just needed to figure out what to say.
“Is this about yesterday?”
I looked up at him. “Yesterday?”
“When you mentioned your mom, I didn’t know what to say. And I kept saying I’m sorry, which you hate.” He smiled. “And I regretted the drug thing as soon as I said it. I know drugs won’t help make you feel better.”
I looked back down at the track. “It’s not about yesterday.”
“Then what is it? You can barely look at me.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, took a huge breath, and then opened my eyes again. “No matter what happens, we’ll always be friends, right?” I asked as I stood back up.
His eyebrows lowered. “Brooklyn, what’s going on?”
I was hoping he’d agree to stay friends. He hadn’t. But that didn’t change anything I needed to say. It just made it hurt more to end things.Say it. Spit it out!“I really think I’m not in the right headspace to be dating right now, Felix. I think right now all I need is a friend.”
“Is this about that other guy you kissed?”
“No.” I hoped my voice sounded even. God, I hated lying. “I’m just…struggling. With a new city and a new school and a new home. I mean, I fell apart yesterday crying about my mom in the middle of gym.” I tried to smile. “But I really, really want to stay friends.”
Felix pushed his sweaty hair off his forehead, but didn’t say anything.
I didn’t expect him to look so upset. I knew he was kissing other girls. It wasn’t like he was serious about dating me. “Nothing really has to change. We can still hang out at school. Maybe my uncle will even let me see you after school now that we’re just friends. And you can keep seeing whoever else it is that you’re seeing.”
