“You know, you look so much like your mother. I actually caught her many times in this very same position. Right here in this apartment.”
Was that why I liked punch so much? Because my mom was secretly an alcoholic? It would explain why there wasn’t any liquor in the house.
“Only once because of drinking,” my uncle said, like he could read my mind. “But lots of times when she was pregnant with you. She had really bad morning sickness.”
“She was here when she was pregnant?”
He nodded. “Your room was hers. Until she left town in her third trimester.”
I always thought my mom was all alone during her pregnancy with me. It was us against the world. Apparently my uncle had been part of that us. And for some reason, knowing she had been here in this apartment made me feel closer to her. She had sat right where I was, sprawled out on the bathroom floor. The thought made my tears stop. “Why didn’t you two see each other more when I was little?”
“She hated the city. And it was hard for me to get time off of work.”
“Why did she hate it here so much?”
“Because your father was here.”
My father?I lifted my head. “Do you know who he is?”
My uncle opened his mouth and then closed it again.
“You do.” For some reason I thought that secret had died with my mom. I never cared about my father before she died. He hadn’t wanted me, so why should I want to know him? But ever since my mom had died, I’d thought about him more. Because maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t feel so alone if I knew he was out there. And maybe after sixteen years he’d changed his mind about wanting me. “Who is he?”
“This is a conversation for another day.” He patted my shoulder and started to stand up. “You need to get some more rest.”
“You said hewasin the city. Does that mean he isn’t anymore?”
“Kiddo, your mom didn’t want you to know him. And I have to respect her wishes. I have to.”
My tears had started again. “But he’s all I have left. You have to tell me. Don’t you see that I’m drowning? I can barely breathe in this city. I’m all alone.” I started sobbing harder. “I’m all alone without her.”
My uncle knelt down beside me and pulled me into his arms. “You’re not alone. I’m here.”
He held me even though I smelled like vomit and my tears and snot were staining the shoulder of his shirt.
“I’m here.” He ran his hand up and down my back. “You have me.”
I hugged him tighter.
He let me cry until I didn’t have any tears left. I appreciated him more than I could ever say. I knew he was trying his best here.
After Uncle Jim gave me a glass of water and sent me back to my room, I lay down and looked up at the ceiling. My mom had been here. Right in this room, staring at the same ceiling I was. Had my father been here too? Had he loved her once? Was it possible that he was somewhere in this city wishing he could know me too?
I stared at the ceiling all night. Eventually the sun started filtering into the room. The sound of cars honking increased. Kennedy started to stir.
I’d come to three very important conclusions. One: Alcohol was absolutely not worth those few minutes of numbness. Two: I could never speak to Felix or Matt again after how embarrassing I was last night. Three: Secrets weren’t meant to be kept if the only person that wanted them kept was dead.
Untouchable - Chapter 11
Monday
Kennedy snapped a picture of me as I pulled some books out of my locker. “You know you can’t wear that all day. It’s against the dress code.”
I was wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled low over my face and a pair of sunglasses. No one was going to notice that I was breaking the dress code because I was invisible here. But I did hate the idea of breaking the rules. The only thing I hated more was the thought of Matt or Felix seeing me this morning. Or worse…trying to talk to me. I was going to hide from them for the rest of my life.
I adjusted my sunglasses. “I’m going to risk it.”
“At least you don’t have a hangover anymore,” Kennedy said as she scrolled through some pictures. “I can’t wait to develop these. Check this one out.”
