Kennedy laughed.
“Go to your room,” my uncle said, his voice sterner than I had ever heard it. He didn’t have to tell us twice. We both ran out of the kitchen.
Once the door was closed behind us, I breathed a sigh of relief. “That was a close one,” I said.
“A close one? Brooklyn, we got caught.” Kennedy collapsed onto my bed.
“But he wasn’t that mad. Besides, it’s all just a bad dream.”
She shook her head. “Was it also a bad dream that you almost kissed Felix tonight?”
“No, that was a good dream.” I lay down beside her. “But I don’t know if he was actually going to kiss me. It just seemed like he wanted to.”
An uncomfortable silence stretched between us. I was just nodding to sleep when she spoke again.
“Do you like him?” she asked.
“Who?”
“Felix.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“He’s nice to me. He understands what it’s like to not fit in at school. He doesn’t make me feel invisible.”
“Yeah.” Another long stretch of silence. “He’s good at that.”
My eyelids were getting heavy now too. “Then why are you so mean to him?”
Kennedy didn’t respond. I turned to look at her, but her eyelids were closed. They must have been as heavy as mine.
***
Oh God, I’m definitely not dreaming.I ran out of my room as fast as I could, trying not to leave a trail of vomit. I reached the bathroom just in time as the contents of my stomach came back up and into the toilet. Again.Fuck my life.And again. Until nothing was left.
There was a knock on the door. “How are you doing, kiddo?” my uncle asked.
“Bad.”
“Can I come in?”
“Mhm.” I draped my arm over the toilet seat.
He walked in. To his credit, he didn’t look disgusted. He didn’t even look upset anymore. He sat down next to me on the bathroom floor, his back against the vanity.
“Do you want to talk about why you drank so much tonight?”
“I thought it was just punch. I swear I didn’t know. But for a few minutes, everything felt better. You know?”
He nodded. Somehow in that one nod, I wanted to tell him everything. Like I knew he’d understand.
“My heart didn’t hurt anymore.” I rested my head on my outstretched arm. “Like I was numb. Happily numb.”
“Numb is numb. There’s no happily about it. And being numb is no way to live.”
I closed my eyes when I felt a tear fall down my cheek. “But I miss her so much that it hurts.”
“Me too, kiddo.”
I let my tears fall freely.
